Ay, ya, ya, ya. I feel like someone slapped me over the head and backed over me with a tractor. Then they threw up on me and pooped on me for an extra dose of the downers and to make a statement. Little cycling I suppose. Yes, I'm having a mini pity party. Hurry over. We can devour sushi, margaritas, and have samosa and almond joys for dessert.
Spent the weekend at the lake with x Mr. GBs parents. Decorated eggs and celebrated S11's b-day since we will be on vacay next week. Ran every day and did weights. That helped but it's a down day and I cried a bit on the way to work. Motherclucker!!!
X Mr. GB's parents are such wonderful people so why does it make me physically ill when they say they want me to meet someone good? I don't really feel like telling them that a part of me is envious(?) (not sure that is the appropriate term) that Mr. GB is way ahead of me in the R department. Yes, I know logically he was gone long before BD but I guess it just seems like he's moseyed on and I have an anxiety attack at the prospect of imaging sleeping in the same bed with an um, romantic prospect at some point. Nope. I wouldn't trade places with him for a minute, however, I would be lying if I said I wished occasionally that I was one of those people who just seamlessly move from R to R. (I know most don't deal with their poop and can't be alone. GB hasn't completely lost her sanity) Seriously. I hate roller coasters but I would rather ride those horrible rides on top of the Stratosphere in Las Vegas than imagine sleeping next to someone new. Besides, I got nothing in the tank right now for a R. I read threads where peeps are moving on and I think that is awesome. I'm not attracted to many people so I'm always secretly jelly of people who find many people attractive. Yep, I admitted that I feel envy in some unusual circumstances.
It's okay to have bad days. Going out with friends Wed night and off on our trip on Saturday.
Gotta get to my place of peace and happiness. It's in me....I know it is.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 03/30/1501:04 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Georgia, I'm sorry you are having a bit of a downer...it's normal, especially around a "family" holiday. Easter is another one of those holidays whereby family should be together, dying eggs, hiding eggs and enjoying the company of family and friends. So, give yourself a some credit here. You've spent the weekend w/your former in-laws and that sets you up to thinking about what could have been once again. I think that the reason they tell you that they want you to meet someone good is because they really do care about you. They know that their son made a mess of things, but they also know that there's nothing they can do about it. They want to see you happy and yes, you were and continue to be a good DIL even if he's missing out of the equation. You are a good person...never forget that!
When the time is right, you will cross paths w/the man who is going to be the one that will remain in your life and sometimes, we do get lucky and are treated far better w/the new person than we ever were w/our former spouses. Be patient because it will happen when you least expect it. If you go out, enjoy yourself, but remember, you will kiss a lot of frogs before the prince will be found and that usually happens when you least expect it.
Work on you, learn to enjoy you and find that core of happiness within yourself. Dig deep and truly ask yourself, what do I want out of life? How do I want to spend the rest of my life? How can I make a difference? The answers will come and I think you will be surprised w/the answers. Be patient w/yourself. It takes time to get to the other side and you don't want to miss any stops along the way. Your book of life, right now, is a clean slate. Time to think about your next chapter and I can't wait to see how it unfolds.
Travel safely on Saturday. Leave the MLC monster at home and just enjoy your time away.
Thanks Job. As always, your words are like a warm blanket and a cup of cocoa. I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Hi DB posse! Everyone ready for an update???? I'll start with the basics. Trip was nice. Weather was great. Kids got to play with my niece and brother and it was fun to watch. My brother seems to be doing well (he was very funny) and is getting a new prosthetic. My daughter discovered $ 8 mock tails by the pool. 5 year old lifted my dress in line at Disney. People were traumatized by the sight of my booty:-). We get on shuttle bus later that day and S5 says, "Okay Mommy. It's time to show everyone your boobies. " What???? Perhaps that was a fortuitous statement because when I jumped in the pool later that night, the clasp broke on my top and it shot across the pool. Moms. Gone. Wild.
During the trip, xMIL had to have emergency surgery. Surgery was difficult and she has been in ICU for several days. Fortunately she is on the mend and my x BIL has kept me posted. X Mr GB? I'm sure he knows and I was saddened by what she asked me before surgery. She said that she wanted to text him that she loved him and would it be okay. I said, " He's your son and you should say what you want. Don't let his behavior change what you want to say to him. You have to do what you think is best...for you." I hope she feels better soon. I love her and am much closer to her than my own mom.
And now for the scandalous stuff....please file this under the "It can only happen to GB" file. So, I occasionally hung out with HG and although he said I confused him, I honestly had no idea what he wanted from me. Wonka- this is for you. I went over to his house (I had been before) and he showed me his HULK blanket he sleeps with and his Chuck Taylor's with all of the Marvel characters on them. Wtf???? I knew he had a tattoo of the Hulk but I don't know.....He also had a case of Mr. Bubble. Please know I'm all for engaging child like qualities-just felt it was strange. Reminded me of x Mr. GB. And here's the kicker ...,,,
Please know I have friends who are faithful, cheaters, swingers.,, I know all types. As I stated, I've only been with a few men in my life. HG said, "I saw you with your friend yesterday. I would really like to have sex with both of you at the same time, but no offense, I want to be naughty with her. " I said," I don't want to hurt your feelings (why am I always nice??) but J wouldn't go for that. You aren't her type." He then said well you don't want me and ended with me finally saying (very crudely I might add), " I have 3 close female friends. None of them are going to F you." I realize that was rude, but geez. Do I have pr!ck magnet tattooed on my forehead??
Nevertheless, this only reinforces my current belief that I can't imagine a future R. The thought of one makes me physically ill. Literally. The fact that I had sex with this person makes me question my sanity (high IQ and Wonderlic score be damned). I don't know. I read about everyone saying "they feel like they know what they want on their next R." I think that's awesome-I really do. Right now, the most I can muster is I have to be attacted to him and him to me and he must have a good sense of humor because if he doesn't, I'll be on Dateline. Oh and he needs to be employed. I'm aiming for the stars, eh? The attraction thing seems like a big enough hurdle. I don't know. I would like for someone to be attacted to me. Seems far fetched.
Had a good cry today. Love my people and my furry peeps. Grateful for good friends, laughs, good health and this board. That's what I've got. Xo
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 04/14/1501:29 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Lol, YUCK!!! I wouldn't let it turn you off of dating, but let it be a cautionary tale. Next time, take a little more time to get to know the guy first.
The Hulk and Spiderman....hmmmmm. Now that's interesting. Better stay way from ComCon for a loooong time!
I am glad that you continue to have a special relationship with MIL. Ex-GB is the one who's lost out a lot of the good stuff in life over a 18-year old who is truly clueless in many ways. What a shame.
Nevertheless, this only reinforces my current belief that I can't imagine a future R. The thought of one makes me physically ill. Literally.
I am curious to know as to why you have this visceral reaction to the notion of having a future R with a man. What is the mental and/or emotional blockage that's stopping you from imagining a R with someone? Ever think about maybe trying some of Byron Katie's work to change some of your faulty belief systems?
I am wondering if those faulty beliefs you currently have seems to attract men who have this boy-manchild outlook beause you're still working through stuff from Ex-GB?
KML& Wonka-thanks for the insight. It is always appreciated.
Wonka, I will check out Bryon Katie. I don't know what it is. Part of the appeal to this guy was that he is (and I don't want to offend anyone) blue collar and seemed kind of "regular." I have a large gaggle of guy friends and we really connect over the humor and intellectually for the most part. However, I don't think this guy thought I was funny and that was so weird for me as (and I will sound like I'm bragging), guys have always thought I was funny. I guess I thought I would try something different. I like really funny guys-that was what attracted me to X Mr. GB. He was fall on the floor funny. Now the sight of him just makes me want to fall on the floor (I kid!!). X Mr. GB is not a bad guy at all.
I guess I wonder if anyone will ever really be attracted to me? Have they been? I don't know. I was with my x bf for 7 years and we met when we were both 21. Although young, he was always very mature in many aspects-except when he pushed me to get breast implants (I did not). However, I was so terribly insecure that I think he thought he was offering a solution. He was a very good looking guy and was constantly hit on. I always wondered if I was "attractive enough" (whatever the pho that means). With x Mr. GB, I didn't think that until he left a message breaking up with me...
I'm not sure. I guess I feel like I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop in Rs. I know that is negative thinking and probably creates that self fulfilling prophecy. However, (I'm just being honest), it seems like if I switch gears and *try* to think positively, I'm met with disappointment. Of course, all of these men say I'm too independent and never vulnerable. Do I just stay detached from everyone? Sorry if I sound like a negative nelly...I'm just trying to be candid. I really don't know. I guess I can imagine a R, however, I don't imagine the connection being very deep or lasting.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
GB- Sometimes I think we must be long lost sisters....except that I'm 5"10 with no backside and big boobs...so guess not.
You know - in addition to all of our other similarities - I too have a history of relationships with boy men. They've all been gainfully employed - but there has definitely been a pattern of not wanting to take on extra responsibility and completely "growing up". I used to think it was just because I found that boyishness charming and engaging - but now I wonder. Much like you, I'm not a vulnerable person. Am I scared to share myself and my life with someone who is more of an equal (and that sounds judgy - but I think you know what I mean). I guess I should think on that one for a while.
Oh - and my D3 seems intent on flashing my bra to the entire world. So far this month, she's pulled by top down at the church Easter buffet and in front of the whole softball team.
I hope your MIL feels better soon. I can relate there as well. I've actually gotten a lot closer to MIL since this all started - and it broke my heart to hear her sadly say "You know - we didn't raise him this way". That must be a tough pill to swallow.
We do have some interesting similarities. True, I'm 5'4 but before child number 3 I was a 34 almost A (yes, they make that bra size) and now I am a 34 C. Perhaps you got the tall, busty gene while I got the phat booty gene??:)
Another funny and similarity to you ...the guy I was hanging out with was a cop. I know you ex is law enforcement. I do appreciate you sharing your boy men sagas as well. I don't think I ever did this subconsciously-as a matter of fact, I always seemed to *realize* this later.....generally right around the time the toilet overflowed and they were playing video games:)
I'm happy to hear your x MIL is supportive as well. It's difficult because that is their son, however, it is nice to have someone realize that you are doing the best you can. And I think you are doing great!
Sending you a cyber Almond Joy:)
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 04/14/1504:03 PM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
***oops. I meant consciously*****Darn that speed demon typing!
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I've been a sassy, posting machine today. I welcome anyone's thoughts on this next question. For those of you who have been following along with my sitch, the former coworker reached out to me about the position I've discussed with them. Here are some bullet points (cause I'm a bullet point kind of chick:)
1) position would pay between 20k-30k more per year 2) work from home 3) if I didn't like this role, I could switch to another (it is encouraged and common at this company) 4) great benefits 5) extremely strong and financially stable company 6) new opp and I know several people at he company. And they want me. And you all know I want to be wanted... In some shape, form or capacity. :-) 7) different industry
Concerns 1) There will be monthly travel (around 5 days per month )I used to travel frequently , but am concerned about my peeps. X moved an hour away and I worry about putting too much on x inlaws. This is my greatest concern. 2) Am I too crazy to make a change? Or perhaps is it change that I need? I work for a very financially viable company but it is a declining industry. Am I too much of a train wreck right now? I don't *truly* believe that but wonder if my instincts are skewed?? Logically, I think this is a good decision, but I just don't know. 3) what if I'm not good at this new role? Argh. Negativity be freaking gone.
Go ahead. Feel free to puke up some 2x4s and insight on me. I can handle it. I appreciate everyone here. Sending out some positive mojo.
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 04/15/1501:49 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
