Day Two

[Lifes Twists]

Old thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2494902&page=11

So I have been good at fighting myself not to fix things. My youngest has not gone down to be with her mother this weekend. I have not asked why or what is going on. I keep telling myself that their relationship is between them. I have a strong feeling about what is going on, but won't give into it because it is speculation and mind reading on my part. I will just continue to be the stable place for my daughter. I figure what ever is happening will come to a head or my daughter will just choose to not have much interaction with ex. I do feel bad about daughter, but have to allow her to have her space until she chooses to open up about what is bothering her.

[uRworthy]

Ayep, Life. Their relationship to forge. Your job is to cause no harm to it.

I know it's hard to watch.

You are doing great.

[Lifes Twists]

So, ex called. Asked in a roundabout way if I or others were saying bad things about her to cause youngest to not want her. I asked her if I was doing that would I be keeping her informed of my own concerns and heads up to issues. So she backed down on that line of questioning. I did asked daughter if she wanted to talk to her mother and she flat out refused. So, I told wife that her relationship between her and daughter was between them to work out. Wife indicated she did not know what to do if daughter was going to throw up a wall between them. I hope wife will consider her part in this and what issues it has caused.

[Mighty]

Hey LT. That is a hard spot. And the easiest thing for the mlcer to do is blame you. They are so unaccountable and in their head, everything was going to work out fine. I and for me, xh always expected everyone to just go along with his shenanigans.

Now that my kids can "tolerate" him in small bits, he is jumping right back to his old ways. But, its not really a r with the kids, you know. Taking them to a drive through a couple times a month, or spending a couple of hours together once a month, or texting good night is not being a parent.

I think you are doing the right thing, just staying out of it. I hope your d had someone to talk to or confide in. It is tough stuff for these kiddos.

It is unfortunate that they don't see their actions really affecting their kids. But how could they? It does not go along with their instant needs. And, like a teenager, it is very selfish, unaccountable thinking. It is everyone else, not them.

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Mighty,

Yes she has someone to talk to. I will have to talk to her IC about what is happening and what I suspect is causing her to not want to have anything to do with her mother right now. My suspicion is ex is probably trying to date. I don't know how she can't figure out that if she has two nights with her daughter that those nights are not good nights to leave her at the apartment alone why she gives her attention to someone else. I agree it is the teenage mind set where they are completely selfish and cant see how things affect others.

[Lifes Twists]

Life is finally starting to turn around. I have been away from real life for since June 2014. Like all of us I had family stuff that needed to get cleaned up. The time off also gave me a lot of time to consider what my future will be. The first part of the new me starts next Monday. I am starting a new job. I am only considering this a stepping stone in my forward plans. I have decided long term that I don't want to work for anyone but myself. To do this I do need a source of income to get things off the ground. I plan on selling my house as soon as I can get it completed. I have my eyes on another house with an out building in which I can start my own business. This will give me an opportunity to follow and develop my own dreams rather than for other people. Its a big decision, but if I don't try I will always wonder.

[Mighty]

LT- That is awesome! You sound great! I am excited for you to take these steps. It can be scary and overwhelming... but something to dive into and to be proud of. Exciting stuff! Good for you!



.... and that's what its all about.... (clap along with the "Hokey Pokey"!)

[Lifes Twists]

My first week of work is now behind me. I feel much more comfortable now. I can see their expectations are much lower at this point that those I set for myself. I feel great to be where I can contribute to some success.

I have had an interesting week with my ex. On Sunday she tm me and asked if I could drop our dog off when I went out to dinner with my daughters and picked up after. I asked if she wanted the dog earlier. I ended up dropping the dog off early in the afternoon. We talked for a few minutes. I think she is feeling lonely when no one is around. this is interesting as she used to say that her happiest time was when she had her own apartment just to herself. I guess this time around its rather lonely.

Later in the week she thanked me via TM for forwarding some emails from my youngest school. This is the first time she has said thank you to me since this whole thing stated two years ago. It was nice that she acknowledge something.

I won't read into anything my wife says or does. I just observe and I don't react. I do wonder if these may be some signs of her poking her head out of the tunnel to test the water. I am glad I don't have the time now to dwell on this. It will just have to take what ever direction it does.

[Georgiabelle]

LT,

Glad the work week went well:) Sounds like you have some great things going on. Keep it up!

[Lifes Twists]

Thanks GB,

Week two at new job is off to a good start. I think things will work out while I formalize and solidify my own personal plans.

TMs with ex are interesting. I can see her opening up in them and then suddenly realizing she is having a conversation with me and catching herself. I think she still has issues reconciling this with the way she has tried to portray me. She still has much work to do on herself. I don't push it nor expect much. life moves on.