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I don't think you need to tell her you know it's going on. Just let her know that the tools to contact OM are no longer available from you as long as you think it is going on.


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BTW, it's up to her to provide confirmation that the A is over. I requested my W send the OM a message that it was over while in my presence. Then monitored. Your monitoring is for your use only. She doesn't need to know what you know or how you got it.
However, some here believe it best to stop monitoring because it will drive you crazy (it can) and instead focus on you because monitoring is focusing on her.

Last edited by mvgfwd2; 02/26/15 08:56 PM.

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All, thank you for the insight.

I plan to just block the communication methods tonight when I get home. If she asks why, I would like to go with the indirect "I feel like it is happening...." approach. Do not want to let her know I am monitoring, though that was not difficult. She left it signed on.

If it gets to the point, I will request to monitor, if she does not have a problem with me doing so. Biggest problem is, she sees this guy everyday at AA meetings. She is also home everyday being without a job, claims she is at least, doing homework (in grad school). Perhaps I can request she puts in the ending for him to go to different meetings, or that she does. Regardless, if her mom finds out, or really her entire family, she will likely be disowned unfortunately. Same with leaving the house. Consequences, she knows them. Mr. delusional manipulator seems to think otherwise, or that it would just be better with him regardless. A lot of her grievances are just kind of strange to me....and everyone else. Like they were put there.

W told her mother herself what she did (I did not) and claimed she cut it off. She may have for a week I would say...maybe. I could not confirm until after 2 weeks though. Second time around will likely be much worse, if it gets to that point.

Nice that her family is rational and loves me...


M: 29 W: 27
M: 4 yrs
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I found a couple articles for her to read for school. She asked me to email them to her, so I did. I also printed them out. She claimed she was going to work on them when I left.

Her phone did not have internet access at home regardless. I just outright disconnected all internet and disconnected her phone, though that may have stayed on a little longer until they could disconnect it on the other end. Then I left for a soccer game.

She calls me on my way there "something is up with the internet...." I had removed the power supplies. "This is weird, they were just here...something is fishy." I just responded "OK, well I will deal with it when I get home after my game. I thought you were planning to read those articles? I printed them out for you...." Suppose I could have validated a little...

Came home, she was in bed already. Probably should have just changed some settings on the router. She ended up finding a different power supply and plugging it in instead. May have damaged it. Oh well....wanted a new one anyway.

I can talk to her in the morning. I collected all of her school books (I bought) my laptop she uses, and the house keys and put them in a pile on the table. I also put, what I believe to be, OM apartment keys, alone, on the table. I plan to present to her a choice between those. She can buy everything else herself. I know I legally cannot kick her out, but it provides a fuller effect in my opinion.

Will keep posted.

Found a cute little card on the floor where my S3 seemed to have thrown it out of W's purse. Read a little of the front. Threw it out. Looked like trash to me....


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Told W everything pretty much. Calm, confident. She plans to purchase the books off me. She is not using my laptop. She has her own. Those devices do not have internet access here. Phone still likely does not work. Not sure.

"Passive aggressive," "Vindictive," "I love you as a person, you are a wonderful human being, I just do not see a future," "I feel like I am just here for our S3," "I feel like I am stuck," "I am stuck between where I am happy, and being with our son," "I do not know how you can be with a person like me, you deserve someone else," I validated everything. Said that I felt the same way with being told one thing and being mislead continually. Stuck with what I did, boundaries. Told her "Thank you for being honest with me. I appreciate it. These are all problems I am willing to work out." Not sure she picked up on not having a phone either. Feel like there may be a safety concern there.

DBing continuing.

Likely more to come.


M: 29 W: 27
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Originally Posted By: twinmom
Ok.... lots to read and right now just not enough time BUT..
If wife is using phone you pay for to conduct her affair I would do this

Tell her "using the phone I pay for to communicate with OM is disrespectful to me, you can either stop all communication with him using this phone or I will turn the service off and you can go buy your own" then give her a few minutes to decide and then follow through. If she says no contact using phone then just put key stroke logger on to verify (without her knowledge) and go from there. If she says your controlling tell her "I am not controlling you, I am controlling where the money goes that I work hard for and that is ment to support our family."



whistle whistle whistle whistle


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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And yes. I know that all of this is likely too far down the road. Just trying it without any expectations.

I am a little torn with her grad school work. Part of me feels like that would be better for our family, unless her plans are to just leave anyway, then it would be a waste. Seems that is the way things are going.


M: 29 W: 27
M: 4 yrs
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Starsky, whistles?

I did all of that. She did ask me if I wanted her to leave. I said "No, I do not want you to, but if it gets to that point, then I may ask you to, for my own well being."


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Whistles are an indication that I agree with what the quoted poster wrote. Four whistles is the highest approval.


M57 W 57; D30 D28 S24 S20 GD7 GD2 GD1 GD5m GD1m
BD 5/07; W's affair 5/07-8/07

At the end of every hard-earned day, people gotta find some reason to believe. (Bruce Springsteen)
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Originally Posted By: Starsky309
Whistles are an indication that I agree with what the quoted poster wrote. Four whistles is the highest approval.



Awww thanks, you approve of my advice! See I learned a lot from you. My situation su!#ed and if I had it to do over I would have listened a lot better and done exactly as you told me to do.
Life goes on! Starsky you are very smart. Wish I would have listened to you instead of my DB coach on letting the kids stay at OW house.

Do everything Starsky tells you to! He is awesome!


Me: 35 husband:39
Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage
Twins 5 (boy/girl)
Daughter 3
Affair bomb 2/27/14
He moved in with ow 3/13/14
OW kicked him out 6/15/14
4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction



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