Continuing DBing

[Ontheup]

Hey heavy

You have to let go. From what you have said you wife is in no way interested in trying to resolve anything and work on the marriage. She has gone (for now at the very least)
You only need to communicate when it involves Your children. Anything else can go through your solicitor or can be ignored.

You need to do what makes you feel better and move on and if that is having no contact what so ever then do it. At the end of the day what is she going to do, divorce you?

Its painful I know but only way I felt better was by letting go, stopped doing the pick me dance, stopped the pursuing, stopped any relationship talk, stopped the snooping and just thought to my self im worth more than this. You can not compete with OM while she is head over heals in love with him. It never ever works. Im not fully NC as we do talk about D8 and I am friendly and civil but I have stopped all of the above and feel a dam site better for it.

[PeterV2]

We had a fairly good day yesterday. Spent some time together. Cooked dinner together.

At one point I had my phone out setting my timer for cooking purposes and she asked if I'm taking a picture. I said no, I'm not taking a picture of your ass... ...I don't have a wide angle lens. At least I had a good laugh, but she was a sport about it. So we had a good evening.

I also picked up her phone and found I could look at her photos without logging in so I started browsing and she grabbed the phone from me and said what are you doing. I just said I'm looking at the picture of our cat. But now that I know I can see her photo stream without logging in I'll wait until she leaves it unattended, which is rare. She was fast asleep this morning and her phone was tucked under her body in bed. But she has to have a shower sometime. Time for some intel. It may not provide any, but worth a try.

[Starsky309]

Time for some intel. It may not provide any, but worth a try.

For what purpose, and to what end?


Starsky

[Ontheup]

Why do you need intel?

You are not helping yourslef by still snooping on your wife. All you are doing is causing yourself more pain.

What do you want to see?
What do you do when you see something you dont want to? then what?

[indigo1]

At this point, I say snoop away. You have a right to know and have been at this long enough to decide if its worth it. Could make your next move a heck of a lot easier. I'm saying this because of the length of time you have been at this, you are far from a newbie.

[Sotto]

Th phone behaviour sounds suspicious to me. I dont think anyone who sleeps on their phone has a clean conscience....

[Ontheup]

Suspicios is an understatement. My wife took her phone to the shower. She might as well have just put a sign on her back saying I'm f@@@ing someone else! I got her phone the same night. Never needed to look at it again.

[PeterV2]

Starsky, you're the proponent of intel. To what end? To see if she's still seeing OM or not. I really don't know. She could be a brilliant liar. The stories she tells about her nights out with her girlfriends are full of details and anecdotes. Very authentic. Maybe my imagination is just getting the better of me. She's on anti-depressants (Efexor) and hormone treatments to deal with her ongoing depression and anxiety which she's had for 5 years now.

So it's just to know.

[zew]

Peter,

I agree with Starsky. To what end? Has she said she wants to work on M in a credible way such that you believe her?

I think not. She just coasting. You don't need intel, you need a plan.

You say you want intel to see if she's still seeing OM or not. Why? What are you going to do if she is? Why aren't you doing that now? How long do you wait to become plan A?

Your best chance of becoming plan A is to behave as if you will never be plan A.

You are stuck, my friend.

[indigo1]

Agree with Zew. I do believe you should know one way or another, but if you're not going to do anything about it why bother? Is it to ease your mind? I know that I would want to know. You just have to be prepared to make a change if is not what you want to see.