Continuing DBing

[Starsky309]

Peter,

I agree with Starsky. To what end? Has she said she wants to work on M in a credible way such that you believe her?

I think not. She just coasting. You don't need intel, you need a plan.

You say you want intel to see if she's still seeing OM or not. Why? What are you going to do if she is? Why aren't you doing that now? How long do you wait to become plan A?

Your best chance of becoming plan A is to behave as if you will never be plan A.

You are stuck, my friend.

Looks like Zew beat me to the punch. This is precisely where I was going with my questions.

Starsky

[PeterV2]

I just need to know. Tried to look at her phone last night but couldn't open the camera. Maybe she blocked it.

She was really nice to me last night. Gave me a back rub and lead me to my chair with a glass of wine and covered me with a blanket. I asked her why she was being so nice to me. She said she's taking care of me because I take care of her.

So in some ways it seems like we're making progress.

Still it would be good to know that this is genuine and not just a put-on.

[PeterV2]

I said I was going to wait until after the wedding in July before further discussion of R. That was my end of the deal. Her end of the deal was NC. I know I'm in limbo. I'm fine with that at this time. Just working on my self. But at the same time I need the intel to give me a heads up. To know my odds. She could be NC & intent on salvaging the M after the wedding, or she could be biding her time & planning to jump ship after the wedding. No that knowing one way or the other will change my current trajectory, but it would affect my expectations or rather my planning.

[Starsky309]

I said I was going to wait until after the wedding in July before further discussion of R. That was my end of the deal. Her end of the deal was NC. I know I'm in limbo. I'm fine with that at this time. Just working on my self. But at the same time I need the intel to give me a heads up. To know my odds. She could be NC & intent on salvaging the M after the wedding, or she could be biding her time & planning to jump ship after the wedding. No that knowing one way or the other will change my current trajectory, but it would affect my expectations or rather my planning.

This entire rationale ^^^ is chock full of contradictions, Peter.

[TenBook]

Hi Peter,

I've skimmed through what you have gone through in the past year and I am amazed at your committment.

You truly have never given up.

[PeterV2]

Contradictions? My life is full of contradictions. What do you expect? I'm just biding my time. Trying to be Zen about it. Sure I try to detach and let things take their course, but at the same time I have a deep need to be in control of my life, have my hands on the wheel. It's a contradiction in itself. Being torn between letting life take its course and dragging life kicking and screaming to where I want it to go.

Everything else in my life is going great. My business is booming, my band is rocking, the RH is starting to fill up. There's just that huge hole in my heart that's the elephant in the room.

[zew]

My perception is that you're just observing, hoping things will come together on their own.

The second law of thermodynamics says things don't work that way - left on their own, things tend to drift apart to uniform density.

Perhaps you are comfortable with that. If so, fine. I wouldn't be expecting any changes after the wedding in July, though; I don't think she sees that deadline the same way you do.

Again, just my perception. Good luck with it.

[Starsky309]

Perhaps you are comfortable with that. If so, fine. I wouldn't be expecting any changes after the wedding in July, though; I don't think she sees that deadline the same way you do.

Again, just my perception. Good luck with it.

. . . and mine as well.


Starsky

[PeterV2]

I agree that she doesn't see that deadline the same way I do. She doesn't know that after the wedding I'll give her one more opportunity to recommit. If she doesn't then I'll start D proceedings.

I would have liked to do it 2 months ago, but the whole wedding thing made me a little compassionate toward her as it's her only daughter and a big thing in her life, and I know a messy D would sour the whole experience for her. So I told her I wouldn't bring it up again until after the wedding.

[twinmom]

Ummmmmmmm the divorce is only messy if she decides to make it that way.

You don't want to "sour" something for her? Ummm well I guess she didn't care about "souring" your year or so with an affair.