Mighty, I have followed your situation for months and just want to say that you are an inspiration. It's great hearing you feel strong again. You have been dealt a crummy hand, and you are truly making the best of things. Letting go of him is the best thing you can hope for, and great things are in store for you. I can't imagine having that circus going on so close -- of course that is going to make the whole process more difficult. Stay strong!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Thanks bea. It is quite confusing so see them continue patterns which are sources of hurt or furthere destruction. It's almost like if my xh is trying to get it right to make all of this worth it or something.
Ahoy- wow, nice to hear from you. I see myself far from an inspiration... More like a disaster and hot mess. But thanks.
I am currently at the bball tourney. Xh just walked in and sat in the same section of bleachers in front of me. I can't help but get this panick stricken feeling or something like that when I see him. I really wish I didn't have to see him.
Ugh... And he is texting away. This game is almost over. I am going to move to the other end of the gym.
Ha! Secured a place right next to gym dividers. Totally out if sight! He can't see me, nor me him! Feel a little better. But still pretty shaky and panicky.
How could someone have that much control over ones emotions by simply being in their proximity?
We actually talked about him obsessively texting her from kids events. He stopped. And I think he was doing it today on purpose. His actions right now seem vindictive and calculated- in a reactive sort of way.
Just like after no response from me this week and me not falling for d14 bday as an excuse to be baited by him- he hasn't left hww's since that day. I mean, like really. It just seems so intentional.
I know I'm bringing it up and I shouldn't. I am focused on me. But it is just so evident that he has soooooo much to figure out.
My dad ran into xh uncle today. This uncle is the only person in xh's dad's side that xh has any type of respect for or anything. The most balanced individual in that family.
This uncle asked my dad if xh and I were back together. My dad said no. His uncle said they don't know what happened to him and that he is crazy. And told my dad how hard it was for him when his wife left him for om.
He's acting out like a child trying to get back at his mother. If there were seats elsewhere there and he didn't take one of them, it was because he wanted a reaction from you. He wanted you to say something to him. You didn't give him that satisfaction and I'm glad you moved. I really could throttle him for his behavior.
You are doing great. Don't let him see you sweat. Treat him just as you would a child lying on the floor stomping his feet because he can't get his way. Ignore him! He'll get over that little tantrum when he sees you aren't reacting.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job, you and me both could give 'em a good throttling! And thanks, job, your post helped me through the game. I just remembered that it was a childish tantrum trying to get attention. Not gon' do it!
I can tell that dealings with him are going to be something I really have to prepare myself for.
Right now, my life is like a minute-to-minute basis. I can't handle anything more. It sounds ridiculous. But, honestly, I have to do this right. I don't want to make rash decisions, skip anything, and make sure I can really be strong.
I am starting to work more on wisdom vs emotion right now. But, the emotion is still there. I am home now, between games. But, my heart is still fluttering, I am still shaky, and even my legs feel jittery. Why the heck is that? Why do I feel this so strongly in every part of my body?
Xh stayed and took d14 to get a treat after the game. I couldn't believe that I walked out to my car in the HUGE parking lot, and xh parked right behind me. Like 2 feet from my car. Seriously?
Then he dropped d14 off and headed right back to hww's. That's ok. I'd rather have him farther away. But I just feel like he is so messed up in his head. More than ever. Does that happen? When they go back in the tunnel, do they become even more mixed up? I do think he worked on some things, and I do see some changes. The the verbal aggressiveness has seemed to tapered off. He would even get angry before mlc. It was his go to emotion. But, he doesn't show it the same. In fact, I haven't seen it from him since like July. But, now he is doing it a little differently, I suppose.
Oh well. Someone else's problem now. Especially his own. Heading back over to games in a little bit. I am actually enjoying myself there. Varsity plays tonight. D14's team won her division.
Gonna try to cool my jets. Settle my nerves. I don't think I have to deal with xh for a little while. He is supposed to take the kids tomorrow. Basketball is now over, so it will be awhile before I have to see him at another sporting event.
And, I think he has moved back in with hww. So, I won't have to worry about him being next door.
One minute at a time. I think I am pretty set for the rest of tonight. That's a relief.
Hey sweetie. You keep giving him all this power. He has done the worst to you and you have lived through it. He cant hurt you unless you allow it. Dont.
And yes, it often is worse when they jump back in the tunnel. He is a mess, Mighty.
He wanted it all. He isnt liking that he cant have it. Too bad for him.
You gotta get angry a bit here. You have to set your shoulders when you see him. Walk with confidence because you didnt do a thing wrong. You have no reason to hide.
I remember when I was going through this. I would prepare myself when I would see him. I would picture it all in my head. How I would act. It helped.
And when I would see him, I exuded confidence, even when I didnt always feel it. Because there was no way he was going to take one more thing from me. No freakin way.
He made his choice for now, Mighty. That is a house of cards. But that isnt your problem. He made the mess, now he has to live with it.
He isnt worthy of you. Dont give him any control. None. Take it back. Fake it til you make it.
What you felt might have been anxiety attack... I use to kinda feel like that right after BD.
Settle your mind adopt a I dont give a F attitude
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Thanks uR. He is a mess. I know he makes me feel a jittery and messed up inside, but I feel mentally stronger. His actions don't bother me so much. It is just this panicky stuff when I are him.
You are right; I need to be confident. Right now, I just want to steer clear. I guess bc I do get so jittery.
I can do this. I'm not sweating them anymore. I don't want that mess. I know that for sure. I feel better having checked out.
Yes, h makes me jittery and sometimes I get that jittery out of the blue and then I see h. I don't know why that is?
I know I'm moving on, but as yet I'm not sure in what form. I cannot decide who or what I want. It seems like I have a few to choose from. About 4, but I'm soooooo unsure I just stall.
The advice just breathe works really well. Yesterday at the party I though I would hurl, but I went off somewhere quiet and it went quickly when I focused on my rock.
Picturing a grey calm rock helps lots of things. Talking to him, sitting near him, picture him as a dull grey uninteresting rock. I tend to focus on what someone else called yoga breathing, I cannot see the bad or good, I just try to be in the breath. Where nothing else counts and your mind goes blank.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
