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Quote:
But looking at it another way, an important learning experience I suppose.
Hmmm.. Yes, a learning experience. smile

What will you learn next week, I wonder? Turns out the world is full of interesting things to learn and experience...some better than others, but all very interesting. wink


AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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NLW - sorry I have been MIA. Sounds like this guy was not for you but if you stay open to the possibility of meeting someone then you never know. I am a believer in destiny.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Hi Gwen, Thanks for looking in on me!

I have been lacking motivation to post here for a while - it's been a time of continued bad behaviour in terms of finances from XH, and I just have felt like I would be focussing to much on him to post details. But it is sapping my energy.

That he can still sabotage me financially after all this time - at every possible point of interaction - just gets me down.

I'm still reading everyone's posts here and keeping up with things.

One thing to reinforce for those interested in what it's like to be in mlc - the idea that time stands still for them seems very true.

XH rang D19 (using a non-identifiable phone number) the other day and when she answered, he asked if she was going off to school today.

She finished her schooling back in 2013.

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NLW - hearing about XH is both sad and kind of validating in a way. Goin on 9 months post BD and really starting to think that H sense of time is off. One more reason that I think he is truly lost to us and by the time he returns (if he returns) my girls and I will be older, wiser and not able to relate to him in any way.

As I read these boards it makes me realize the odds of reconciliation are slim. Of course many successes don't post but I still sense that MLC is often so catastrophic that the S has crossed a threshold that makes reconciliation almost impossible.

Wish I could be more optimistic these days but a new reality has taken hold. I still pray. i just think the odds are slim.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Gwen, I can't imagine how the kids and I could ever relate to XH in a normal way again, after what he has put us through.

However, I've noticed that I'm somehow numb and a little repelled by the idea of closeness to anyone (in a romantic relationship sense).

I imagine it's some sort of ptsd.

Looking forward to tracking what phase i go though next.

I've been sad, mad, angry, feisty, passive, depressed, manic and empty, round and round and back and forth.

The only way forward is to go through it.

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Just an update for those interested in the noticeable phases of a long-term mlc. To re-cap, I am more than 3 and a half years since BD and no sign of anything other than replay from XH. We are more of less over his antics, but they make for interesting viewing nonetheless.

S16 contacted XH to 'beg', again, that he might sign S16's passport application (his old one has expired). He sent XH the form weeks ago but XH does not respond....

Anyway, XH who now resides on the other side of the country from us (OW moved for work), announced that he is going to move to Cambodia to live.

This is definitely WTF territory for someone like XH. Cambodia?????

Why? asked S16.
Reason 1: XH wants to make it easier for S16 and D19 - so that they don't have to see him around the place and feel awkward.

Errrr, but you live on the other side of the country anyway, says S16.

Oh yeah well,
Reason 2 says XH: Cause I kept seeing you and your sister everywhere..

Errr, but you live on the other side of the country now and so you don't see us anyway, says S16.

Oh well,
Reason 3 says XH: Everything is so much cheaper over there and there is so much money to be made building things.

Errr, but you don't have any building skills - you just started a mining company here, what would happen to that, says S16.

Oh, but Reason 4: I want to help under-privileged children, says XH.

OK, I've got to go now says S16. Any chance you could sign my passport application form?

I need to speak to your mother about it first, says XH. Get her to ring me.
Goodbye, says S16.

Rather than just trying on different identities, this mlc-er seems to be drawn into doing whatever it is that some man in his general social group is doing.

The mining company that he started came out of nowhere (and on the back of zero expertise or experience) when he took up with an old university friend after BD. This guy had been recently made redundant and so had to go to the back of beyond to get a job in a mine (didn't last long). But XH got the brilliant idea that he would a start up a mining company.

The Cambodia idea comes from the friend of his enabling aunt who recently shocked the local community by giving up a prestigious job at age 57 to go and help orphan children in Cambodia.

This just gets weirder and weirder.

Wonder what OW thinks of his latest plan! You gotta laugh.

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NLW OMG I relate to this type of thing. Many many years on my xh is bemoaning a lack of relationship with his now adult children.

Me, but you moved over 1000 miles away. Xh but that is where my life is (me, not saying, but thinking) yes, but it wasn't until you moved there . . He actually has a home near them as well but scarcely spends any time there. At one point he was also thinking of moving to another continent.

The idea that relationships needs either proximity of work never enters their brain, until a lot later down the line.

His latest scheme is to become a novelist!! (He writes very serious academic tomes, or did pre MLC).

Me (interested voice) oh how much have you written? XH - nothing yet I am still thinking about it.

I was tempted to give the Peter Cook response to the man who said at a party 'I am writing a novel' to which Peter Cook replied 'Neither am I'

Total disconnect from reality

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Bea,

Love that Peter Cook line!

And yes, you captured it: Total disconnect from reality.

But how do they maintain it????

Anyway, been thinking about this drive that they have to build things, create something, save people....

Why isn't a family and children enough in this regard?

Is it that they didn't get enough kudos / recognition from outside world?

But surely your X got recognition for his academic work?

IDK, they are just empty, looking for something to make them feel better, I suppose... why their family isn't enough is anyone's guess.

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Wow

Wow

My jaw is on the floor

Cambodia?

Seriously


----
M 39
H 35
D5,D4
M 4
T 9
ILYBNILWY 5/18/11
Left 7/11/11
Divorced 12/1/13

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The thing is "wherever you go there you are" --- Cambodia or Canada -- it just doesn't matter.

I am so glad you can have a bit of humor in the midst of all his spinning. Sometimes that's the best coping strategy there is.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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