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#2538386 02/14/15 03:52 PM
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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2536529#Post2536529

Had to start a new thread, as my last was over the limit. Tough couple days at the house. Aparently she's leaving to go to her cousins with the kids for the weekend. Nothing spoken between us for the past two days, other than. "What are your plans today, the fridge is bare and I have to go out grocery shopping"...she's out now. I'm hoping she brings my work money back with her (as its been going into her account for past 6 months). I'd like to go out today once her and the kids are gone, buy some new clothes for dance class, buy some cologne, some razors (I used shave my head to the wood when we met), and think about some things I can do to 180 this situation.

I was talking to some of the divorced women at work yesterday. They told me the exact same thing you all are. Not too worry about it - she'll seem happy, pissed, hurt..whatever she decides to portray...but she'll be thinking about what's happening.

I havent' been too successful with following my plan. I've been moneyless, so, it's been difficult to just "go out". I have a firm plan for this coming week. I'll be at the gym whenever I want, I start dancing Thursday (and will look awesome and smell great, shave, ect. before I leave the house). And, I've decided I will have no fear of being in the same room as her so I can play with my kids. Just have to pretend she's not there, and put on a strong face.

Inside? Yup, still [censored] bad. Hurts like hell.


"Sometimes, if ones' words are not better than silence, once should be silent."
Mac00 #2538418 02/14/15 05:12 PM
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Quote:
I'm hoping she brings my work money back with her (as its been going into her account for past 6 months).


You're kidding.

Well, I read through your threads. I heard a lot of she she she, her her her, and wife this and wife that. Still don't know your plan. Do you?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Nope, no joke, all my money has been going into her account since August. She thought I spent frivolously. Have some today. Plan, well, detach and GAL. Apparently not going to cousins, Aunt is busy. Sooo. Since she'll be home, I'm going to go out. Actually, I got half of the money I'm owed, so I'm going shopping for clothes and my cologne, ect. for an hour or two. I'll come home, whip something up for the kids for dinner, and I think I may just go out to see a movie. I dont want to, but, I dont want to be here, sitting around with my thoughts either.
She mentioned taking the kids to "Frosty Fest" (whatever that is) on Sunday.


"Sometimes, if ones' words are not better than silence, once should be silent."
Mac00 #2538666 02/15/15 05:07 PM
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Well, went out. Didn't get home until almost 1am. I heard she was awake moving around, but surprisingly she didnt confront me on my whereabouts like she did before. Maybe it doesnt bother her. Maybe it does, but she wont say anything. Can't tell, she doesnt really look at me anymore.


"Sometimes, if ones' words are not better than silence, once should be silent."
Mac00 #2538675 02/15/15 05:43 PM
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Hi Mac

Forgive me for not looking back in your sitch to check this, but I presume you'll be making early arrangements to re-route that income into your own account. Presumably then you could just transfer funds needed for bills, food etc into an account your W can use?


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
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BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2538696 02/15/15 06:42 PM
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Ya, she has control until my next pay period, in two weeks, then, it will go into my account. Unsure of the situation though. I dont think she's filing (who knows, maybe she is), as I haven't seen any lawyer stuff up on the net history. She seems pretty set on staying in the house, and advised by my lawyer not to leave. Pretty well, walk on eggshells environment. Kids are spending more time with me downstairs, she's upstairs watching TV (when not on the phone). Dying to go up and be in the same room, but must detach.
Nothing seems to phase her.


"Sometimes, if ones' words are not better than silence, once should be silent."
Mac00 #2538697 02/15/15 06:43 PM
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Started some 180's today. I stopped doing dishes LONG ago, or making supper for everyone. Today I'm doing both, and will continue unless she has planned on cooking something for herself or the kids. Not much else I can think of when it comes to 180's. Dying to see a change. But, she heads upstairs to use that bloody phone whenever she can.


"Sometimes, if ones' words are not better than silence, once should be silent."
Mac00 #2538708 02/15/15 07:22 PM
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Quote:
Not much else I can think of when it comes to 180's.


All you can think to do is wash dishes and cook? frown

Gee Mac, if she spends all her time upstairs, what did you and the kids use to do for dinner?

While you are thinking about 180's, I suggest you begin searching for something you truly enjoy. Preferably, something that gets you away from the house. Try something new. Getting a life for "you" is critical b/c it improves your outlook, energy level, confidence, social skills, makes you more interesting, etc. It especially helps with detaching. It puts some space between you and the place where you feel you have to work on egg shells.

Consider what you can do to be a better father. What can you do with your kids to enrich your R with them?

What are some ways you need to improve as a man? Anything? Personality, behavior, habits, grooming, relationships?

Do you have any goals for yourself? Goals in home projects, work, places to see, etc.?

Think about some of this to get your wheels spinning into some personal plan for "you" and then we can talk about a plan for the MR.

Oh, and have you read Divorce Remedy?

Quote:
Dying to see a change. But, she heads upstairs to use that bloody phone whenever she can.


Are you talking about seeing a change in "her"? Forget it. Not going to happen as long as her H tiptoes around on egg shells while she's carrying on an A via electronic devices.

Mac, you can't sit around hoping she will change. You have to take the bull by the horns.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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I meant not actually much more I can do when IN the house. The kids usually ate upstairs in front of the TV, I tried to get everyone to sit at a table, but, because they fussed, it was canned the kids went back to the TV. I have things I can do, absolutely, but its like -30 out right now, or I'd be gone to the gym. We only have the 1 vehic, and its pretty far. Warms up tomorrow. I'd like to get out, absolutely.
As far as the kids, I'm spending more time with them. Their coming down the basement tonight to watch a movie. I'll make the popcorn, get the blankets, ect. No vehicle puts me at a disadvantage for going far. I'd LOVE to be able to take off, but alas, two feet and a heartbeat.
I feel guilty too, when I have been leaving, as I feel like if I'm not around the kids, that too could be used against me.
Haven't read it, only ordered it a few days ago on Starky's advice. Can't wait though. I want to wake up, smile, and think "It's gonna be an awesome day" and carry on. As far as home projects, not realy. I've been on the computer alot doing my practice exams for the Police Department I'd like to apply to.
Yeah, talking about seeing change in her. I'know, not until I'm not here as often as I have been


"Sometimes, if ones' words are not better than silence, once should be silent."
Mac00 #2538736 02/15/15 08:45 PM
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Ahh, only -20 tomorrow, balmy 8). I'll be hitting the gym, maybe spark up a conversation with whoever's around. Work 11-8 Tues and Wed. Gym each night after that too. Will be gone from the house at least 13hrs each night. Dancing Thursday night, work late Friday (till 12).
My son told me last night before I went out to the movies, that "mom" asked him where I was going. He was up there telling her as I was ready to go out the door, "daddy's leaving mommy" and gone I was. It was nice to know she asked tho'


"Sometimes, if ones' words are not better than silence, once should be silent."
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