NEW THREAD- W called me last night, but i missed the call. I have not responded to it or anything. I figure that if it was important she would call back or leave a message. I hope that i am correct in this thinking Or should i just send a text saying i missed her call and ask if she needed anything? Kinda being pulled both ways here with this one. thanks guys for all the help.
Tried to reply to that earlier, but you were locked.
I think your instincts are right. If it was important, she would have left a message or called back. You could always shoot a text (now that some time has passed) that says something like: "Hey! Just noticed you called. Let me know if you need me." That way, you're acknowledging her attempt at contact but doing it in a way that is detached (you're not calling her OR asking her an open-ended question that may appear as though you are trying to engage her in conversation. It's amazing what the WAS looks at as "pressure.") But I think you're also fine leaving it alone.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
Don't respond. If it were important, she would have left you a message and/or called again, or texted or emailed you. To return a "Missed Call" just makes it look like you're hanging on like a puppy dog waiting for her to call.
Ok so I didn't see your post starsky until I had already sent a message. I said "noticed I missed your call, do you need anything?" That's all I said. She said sorry butt dial. Which I don't buy. Not with her phone lol. I think she was fishing. Did I show my hand at all. I think I could have used some different wording like something instead of anything but I didn't want to come across cold.
Bahhh, I dont think i got the entire hook though, I at least knew what she was up to but i didnt want to come across as ignoring her or anything ya know. kinda a "i'm here; but not at your convenience kinda thing" that is why i waited till this morning to send the text. Guess i didnt do too good a job at it. lol rookie mistake. Next time i know, i guess like you both said if she really needs something she will call back or leave a message. lessons learned i dont think i took too big a step back at least.
hey there toots, were you refering to me thinking she intentionally called me to fish as mind reading? if so i will do a better job next time to re-affirm myself next time and not look into anything.
Don't get too bogged down in the small stuff, Rysin. Live and learn, but also don't use that as an excuse to KEEP slipping.
Even though I just said all that, though, I'm gonna bog myself down in a couple of details in the hopes it helps us note how a small difference in communication - or even the way a sentence is worded - could make a larger impact:
Here's what I pitched, if you chose to respond at all: "Hey! Just noticed you called. Let me know if you need me."
Here's what you wrote: "noticed I missed your call, do you need anything?"
It may seem I'm splitting hairs on semantics, here, but I promise I'm not trying to do that. Can you see the difference in those two approaches up there? It's small but noticeable. And it's even something I "warned against" in my post; in the very next sentence after I pitched what you could respond with:
That way, you're acknowledging her attempt at contact but doing it in a way that is detached (you're not calling her OR asking her an open-ended question that may appear as though you are trying to engage her in conversation. It's amazing what the WAS looks at as "pressure."
You ended with an open-ended question. If you had ended it with a statement instead, it wouldn't have seemed to her that you were there at her beck and call. You were ending like, "Hey, just holla back if you need anything." Instead of, "Do you need me?????"
See what I mean?
Again, don't bog yourself down in the small stuff. Just learn and move on so that a bunch of little things don't end up adding up.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
yeah i did notice that after i had sent it. i will make sure to manage closed ended convos. from here on out! i thank you guys for all your info and support.
