Odd change tonight at dinner. She waited until we had all eaten and then asked if she could have whatever we were not going to eat. I let her. She then complimented the meal. I still excused myself before she left though. I bet we will have many ups (and downs) through this process.
I lean toward Robx'sattitude of "Yeah well this sure isn't working for me!". It tends to take a lot of wind out of the sail of the WAW. It is not always best that she knows every feeling you have or what you may decide. I really believe the WW should have concerns about her H and he should not continue to give her assurances while she is in that mindset.
I have seen a few references to him on this site and there is a rob_x I see on a different forum (MB). Is he still active here? Is there a way to access his old comments/threads there. Searching only seems find a few newer references.
Those are the only two things I've seen work. If #1 turns up nothing, then proceed to #2b. And in the meantime, GAL your ass off, and become the better option. Best case, you'll attract them back, and at a minimum you'll become a better person that will be more attractive to SOMEBODY in your next relationship.
Excellent. You'll see that MWD's approach is much closer to RobX's "let them go" than it is to Allen's "affair-busting" methods. DB/DR is all about working on yourself. Where RobX differs is that he advises the betrayed spouse to COMPLETELY stop fighting for the cheating spouse -- just the "Hey, I realize now that I deserve better, this isn't working for me" speech and tack. MWD advises to experiment with little forms of pursuit and monitor what the wayward spouse is receptive to.
I was talking to a friend who was upset because one of the kids he coaches was arrested this past weekend. He wrapped up the conversation with "the kid hasn't been the same since his parents divorced." Ouch. That got me down.
And secondly, I found an unsigned Valentines Day card in the W's room. The front message: "I'm giving you my heart for Valentines Day". And inside: "But if you want to play with the package it comes in, that's OK too!" It looks like she bought it (it was still in the bag) but since it is almost two weeks after V-day maybe she had second thoughts about giving it to the guy.
For some reason, that didn't bother me as much as the first story (about the kid). Is this detaching?
On the up side I had another good IC session last night. The counselor said that I am making great progress (even though my posts don't show it). I'll probably start going every other week now.
And I got a great workout this morning. I'm back up to benching 225. I haven't been able to do that in a long time. I'm going do longer treadmill runs on weekends until its warm enough for outside runs. I'm eating much better as well.
Taking a break from the forum is something I frequently recommend. And when you do come back, go back and re-read everything that everyone has posted to you. Sometimes getting "a fresh set of eyes" on it can reveal some new perspectives.
Thanks Starsky. I will try to spend the next week or two reading DR and coming up with a plan. I still may post from time to time if there are any updates to my sitch.
And I will be lurking here as well. There's lots of advice in these threads.
So, I guess your going to pursue D? A couple things. Spend a lot of time thinking about your kids. You're new here and I can tell you the first thing I thought was I was going for full custody. Wife just up and abandoned us. Then as I calmed down I realized that wasn't what was best for them. So I started to lighten up. Then I heard a story from a guy at work that ended up getting a restraining order on his wife for him, but the judge wouldn't grant him custody. Then he got an order between his wife and their one kid. Judge gave temporary custody, but only till wife could go through AA and rehab. The short of it is custody battles are hard, ugly, expensive and unfair. We've all been wronged to a degree that is unfathomable, but need our heads to clear from our fog to truly figure out what's best for our kids.
Get the other stuff straight, but remember it's just that....stuff and money....your kids need you right now. Make them your priority.
Best of luck for calmer waters.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
