I found a book on filing legal documents in the house last night. The W said she would make the D amicable. Not sure what that means to her, but we'll see.
Question: should I tell my W again that I don't want to D? I feel that in our last MC I didn't stress it enough.
Personally, I feel that some LBH'S say it too much. If you have told her, and if she heard it, then there comes a point it could be seen by her as you being in a weaker position.
I lean toward Robx's attitude of "Yeah well this sure isn't working for me!". It tends to take a lot of wind out of the sail of the WAW. It is not always best that she knows every feeling you have or what you may decide. I really believe the WW should have concerns about her H and he should not continue to give her assurances while she is in that mindset.
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I found a book on filing legal documents in the house last night. The W said she would make the D amicable. Not sure what that means to her, but we'll see.
Sounds as if you confronted her about the book.
What she means by amicable? "I'm going to take every thing away from you that the law allows, with a smile on my face".
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have not confronted her about the book. Earlier she said she'd be amicable. But it does appear that she wants to do this without involving an L. She did tell me that she'd work with me on visitation. Like she talked about us getting separate apartments in the same complex or relatively close to each other.
You need "legal" advice, and not take the word of a WW. And, it would not be a good idea to be neighbors if you plan to separate. That arrangement may sound good, at first, but it's worse than having your in-laws next door! Separation is for distance. The closer you live, the more you see and the more advantage of you she'll take. It is in your best interest not to live close to her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have gotten legal advice. I'm pretty much screwed if she goes that route and gets the max amount. I make 3X what she does and the alimony laws here are messed up.
I am kind of torn though. Do I: 1) Agree to move close to her and work with her with the kids. She works nights, so the kids would probably sleep at my place. This is nice because I still get to be involved in the boys daily lives. I wonder if she would not take me to the cleaners as far as finances go if I did agree to help out. Or, 2) Lawyer up, sue to be the custodial parent and let the chips fall where they may. She'd have to get a job during the day and put the kids in child care. Something she said she'd never do. But with this "fog" she's in, I am not so sure now. This could also help me because she would not be around the OM on a daily basis.
I already told her that I wasn't sure if I could live near her if we separate. And most people tell me that my chances of getting custody are slim to none. This is part of the reason I started the log about her behavior towards the kids.
The lawyer I talked to said that there's always a possibility. She said I had a better chance if I file first.
My IC said that in the cases shes seen, about 10% of the dads get full custody. And those are usually in cases of abuse or neglect.
Originally Posted By: Cadet
Personally I would do whatever it takes to be with my kids. Nothing - not even wild horses would keep me away from them.
You need to be the BEST DAD that you can be. JMHO
Agreed. Which is why I am curious as to what the W has in mind and why I am torn. As per the rules, I cannot discuss this with her until she is ready. But it is something I have been thinking about.
Also, through all of this the W has said that I am a great dad to the boys and that has never been an issue. I think this is the only positive thing she has said about me in the past few months.
