Many children with Asperger's have tons of intelligence, but they test poorly.
I have a child who, at the age of 6, was making models of Mt. Vesuvius and describing details that adults would have trouble remembering about Pompeii...this same child tests at 80 on the I.Q. scale. Her math abilities are at 3rd grade when she is in 6th...Her spelling is atrocious...the Clinic believed she may have dyslexia, but she is now old enough to test it.
I have a bright child who already feels diminished and stupid and insecure and the last thing I want right now is to put her into a situation where she reads every sign as validation of her limited intelligence.
If you had any idea of the struggles we had day in and day out when it came to getting her to school...Even my mother, who has wanted me to be work and do what I'm doing for years...even my mother isn't sure of putting D12 into school because of the added stress it will put on my plate.
Talk to a mother with a child with Asperger's...sometimes getting them INTO a mainstream school causes wayyyy more stress and frustration for the family than just accommodating homeschool.
BUT>I trust your opinions here and I always take your thoughts into account because you are more like a family than I've ever had. And, more often than not, I do the scary thing. So, up yours.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
And, something else...I've been terrified with this job. Absolute terror. I'm not saying this is an excuse. I screwed up. I get it. I was given a chance and I screwed up...And, I hate, hate, hate myself for it. I made everything Smokey has accused me of....true.
But, I'm so scared every single time I go to write this paper. Every time I sit down and try to put it together, I'm overwhelmed with fear...fear that what has happened...will happen. I set myself up. I see that.
And, now I'm more scared than ever. I'm so tired of being afraid. So tired.
But, it ain't over til it's over.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I come here for courage to get it done. I come here because you'all for some strange reason, believe in me. I come here, gather courage to keep going. I don't believe in me 75%...which is better than the 5% I used to have. No one believes in me.
I have to fill my ears with Gospel music and sermons to even get to my office. And, I come here for understanding and support.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I can fully understand your apprehension with your daughter. My middle daughter was extremely traumatized by her kindergarten teacher because she would not speak at all. In order to get her away from this destructive teacher we had to agree to get her evaluated. They eventually said she was a selective mute. At times we wanted to remove her from school and home school her. It took years of nurturing and support. Years of her never speaking in class. She has come a long way and is now in college. I think if we had home schooled her she would not be where she is now. I think the interaction was important for her development and socialization.
Like you, i did focus on my situation too much. It took its toll on me personally and professionally. I am now having to look for work and I am scared. I hope you will take the advice given here in the best vein it is given. people are concerned and want the best for you.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Every situation is different. If I hadn't homeschooled D12, she wouldn't be where she is now. She was able to socialize in a small, safe group without the pressure of too many kids, expectations or administrative expectations.
Now, is a different time for D12. She is ready for this challenge. I wish more people understood, however, the value of homeschooling when it came to kids with learning and developmental struggles.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
The violin strings have been plucked and are now broken. Yes, you come here for support and understanding, however, the bottom line is this...the only person that can help you is yourself. From where I'm sitting, you aren't doing that because you aren't listening to what we have told you about this forum and your personal matters when it comes to doing your job that you are getting paid to do. Your job has to have your entire focus when you are doing it. This applies to any job that you are getting paid to do. You've been given the final warning yesterday and the next time, you'll be receiving your pink slip and out the door you will go. What are you going to do then? File for unemployment? I don't know about NY, but here, you don't get unemployment right away when you are fired.
From where I am sitting, you've been given every opportunity to straighten up, get your act together and improve. They even extended your probation to give you a little bit more time to get it together. Possibly in another office, you would have gotten your walking papers within the first 30-60 days for unacceptable performance. The publisher and the paper have been good to you. They paid your relocation expenses to move there, they allowed you a day off during the week and the opportunity to work home, as well as allowing you to bring your daughter to work. Now, it is time to show them that you can do this job, as well as prove to yourself that you can do it. Why else did you take it if you didn't think you could do it?
Heather, I want you to get angry, I want you to get so angry that you can spit because it appears that is the only way that you will focus on what is at hand...your work. Yes, get angry at me for being honest w/you. I'm not going to sugar coat any more of my support and understanding. You have to stop blaming others for what is going on in your life. You are the only one that has control over your life.
Some of your financial situation is of your own making and you can't put all of your eggs into one basket. You need to check with the banking institutions in your area to see if they offer free seminars on budgeting. You need to be on a budget so that you know what you have coming in and going out each month. I do understand that you and your daughter need to get out every once in a while...but you don't go out and blow $100 when you have bills that need to be paid. Pay them first and then take some money and go to a movie, pizza or even an activity in that area.
BTW, when you go to church, check out the activities that they offer and start going to some. People will be more willing to help you if you started reaching out a bit. Have you met your neighbors? This is a good start since people are shoveling their driveways, etc.
Check out a support group called Parents Without Partners. This is an excellent support group that have some of the same issues that you are dealing with. Go to some alanon meetings. Please do not say you don't have time to go because you spend a lot of time here that could be utilized in attending some of the meetings. "Real time" support would be of a great help to you. You need some human contact so that you can actually get the support and help you need.
So now, you can say "up yours" to me too. Again, the only person that can help you is yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and take back control over your life. Surely, we all can't be wrong in the advice we have given you.
One more thing...you need to get angry at your lawyer and state firmly to him what you are expecting from him. Emails and texts aren't conveying that. In his eyes, you most likely look like a pushover and will do whatever he wants you to do.
Call him up and give him the what for about your child support situation and tell him you want answers. That the sooner you get the back payments and are on a regular schedule to receive the support payments, the sooner he'll see another check.
You have to toughen up and start being tougher instead of a little mouse accepting whatever crumbs this lawyer is tossing your way. He works for you, not the other way around.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Did I say you were one? If you think and act like a schmuck, then people will treat you as a schmuck. You want respect from others, then learn to respect yourself. If you want to continue feeling down on yourself, then that is on you. People are more apt to help you when they see you are willing to ask for help. However, you have to be willing to get out there, open yourself up a bit and ask for the help. You've lived in this new place for a few months and you probably haven't met the neighbors. As for being alone...you will remain that way until you step outside your comfort zone.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
