So, it's ok to admit I've been overwhelmed. I know they will bring up mistakes I've made and I've made some...Can I chalk that up to being overwhelmed? I don't want to dwell on the mistakes, I'd rather get a clear sense of what's ahead.
I know perf. editor will try to corner me into focusing on the mistakes. He wants me out.
Part of me thinks they are only having this meeting because they pity me. I need to let that go.
If they say...well, the job IS this list. Then? Am I honest? I can't do all that.
There are two editors on staff who HAVE accomplished all on those lists. There are reporters who do it and manage small papers because jobs are so scarce. The editor who hired me is planning to show me a paper he wrote single-handedly...I'm not sure I can keep this up. I KNOW I CAN'T KEEP THIS UP.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
You can admit that you've been overwhelmed in learning the ins and outs of a paper and trying to learn the writing styles as well. If they point out your mistakes, own them and tell them and tell them you will attempt to do better. You may not want to dwell on the mistakes, but you will have to listen to what they have to say and then you can state your opinions.
As for the perf. editor, you really do give him entirely too much head space. He's nothing more than a human being attempting to get a paper out that is error free. Stop allowing him to put you in a vulnerable position.
You are mind reading about why they are having this meeting. They are having this meeting because you are not performing at full speed and they need to figure out what or how to get you to that level of work. Your resume and interview came across that you could do this stuff and you wowed them at that time and now you aren't performing to their level of expectations, so they need to find you a good place on the paper because they know you relocated to come there to work on the paper.
Yes, be honest and stop trying to placate them w/answers that they want to hear. You already know that you can't do it all, so why tell them otherwise. The others that have done all of those tasks probably had been working for papers for years...you are fresh off the boat of being a stay at home mom and homeschool teacher. Those careers are totally different from being in the world of work and papers.
So what if the editor is planning to show you a paper that he worked on. He's trying to help you by showing you the paper and what he did. Instead of always thinking that people are trying to get at you, start looking at them as trying to provide you guidance and assistance. They have tried to work with you since you got there and are still trying to be patient and help you find a proper niche. They see potential, but they don't know how to tap into it. Listen to what they have to say, write down things and don't walk away thinking the entire meeting was negative.
Do not offer to resign. You've got this paper covered, you need some help and even if it means transferring you to another part of the paper...go for it.
Now, go to the meeting and stay positive.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Heather, I've been thinking of you this morning. Job has given you some great advice. Keep your head up. Any points I would like to make has already been covered by job. I totally agree.
And with d12 condisering school... well, it could be that things may be starting to fall into place. Look at this whole thing as a positive. To help you get things under control. To help get you settled and happy.
You've got to stop this negative thinking. Re-read Job's most recent post on preparing for your meeting.
It is nothing to do with "inability", but more to do with time management and unwillingness to let go of homeschooling. I think it's time for D12 to transition to a public school as a part of the preparations for entering adulthood. Furthermore, it will solve the ongoing problem of trying to be an editor and worrying about who will look after D12.
Be smart about this, Heather.
Tackle this new challenge head on following Job's guidance in her recent post and work on getting D12 enrolled in public school.
After you've met with the newspaper folks, it is VERY STRONGLY recommended that you not post in the DB forums until after 5:00 pm (or 6, depending on your work day) as this job requires your undivided attention.
You're allowing yourself to be distracted with posting DB during the day and your work suffers. Obviously you need to prioritize your focus.
You are a very capable woman. The trouble is where you put your attention where it don't belong during your work days...especially when one's an editor.
I’ve never posted to you before, but I think I might have something of value to add in this situation, possibly from the viewpoint of the other people in your meeting today.
In my career, I’ve been in positions where I’ve managed many teams of people, and I have been in the position of having to deliver difficult feedback probably close to a hundred times. Let me assure you, this really is an opportunity for you.
First of all, I know you are dreading this meeting and I can promise you the other participants aren’t looking forward to it either. They’re human too, and these conversations aren’t easy to have. So, first piece of advice, you don’t have to be a pushover, you don’t have to grovel, but do be gracious. Trust me, they will appreciate it.
When people are facing your situation they tend to react in the following ways:
1. Commonly they get defensive and develop a chip on their shoulder. They make excuses for why they can’t do better and find other people to blame. They resent you for delivering the message and let you know it in a thousand ways. Sometimes their work improves, mostly not, and they usually end up going elsewhere, voluntarily or not.
2. They take the feedback grudgingly and do what you ask, but resent you, they will continue to have other problems in their work and rarely move up.
3. They take the feedback grudgingly, improve their work and later admit you might have had a point.
4. They are crushed by your feedback and kill themselves trying to improve. The next time a problem comes up, you dread addressing it with them because of their reaction.
5. They are grateful for the feedback, really try to improve, check in with you to make sure they are meeting expectations and grow. The next time you have to address their work, you trust that they will be willing to partner with you to make this better.
Heather, the people in category 5, are very rare indeed. I can think of maybe 2 or 3 in my career. And they were worth their weight in adamantium. The ability to hear a hard message, take it to heart and then turn it around to meet and eventually exceed expectations, is very special. You have the opportunity here to show that you are one of those people. I’ve read a lot of your threads and I know you can do it!
I know it’s hard. I try to follow my own advice, but when you hear you aren’t doing the job you’re supposed to….well it stings. But you can choose how to react to it.
15 years ago, I had a woman who reported to me who was fantastic at her data entry type job. She wanted desperately to move into management, and I had to tell her that wouldn’t happen because her communications to managers were sometimes embarrassing, filled with slang and basically on the level of ten year old girls passing notes in class (I was a lot more tactful, of course). It was hard and embarrassing for her to hear. I offered to help her. She seemed defeated at first. But the next day, she thanked me for telling her the truth about what needed to change and she busted her a** to make it so. She took me up on my offer of help, and came to me for feedback and advice about how to word things, she got a bunch of books on business writing, she checked in frequently to measure progress. And of course, she ended up with that well deserved promotion. Subsequently, I gave her a lot of challenging projects which were great learning opportunities, because I trusted her to deal with them in the same mature way. From what they wrote to you, my opinion is that this is not the end. They are giving you the opportunity to make something better. Grab It!
I’m not going to wish you luck, because that would imply you don’t have any control here, and you do.
Heather, Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Get off that darn pity pot and show these people you can rise from the ashes. Whatever you do, don't make promises that you can't keep. Be upfront and honest about what you can and can't do. They will appreciate your honesty more than promises that are consistently broken.
You can't do both, i.e., work a paying job and homeschooling. It's evident that you can't do this, so you now have to do something about it. You are off next Wednesday, correct? Then you need to call next week (Tuesday, since Monday is a holiday) and make an appointment to meet w/someone at the Board of Education and discuss enrolling your daughter into school. You are doing your daughter a grave disservice by not enrolling her in school. I believe she would enjoy having activities and homework to keep her busy. She's very lonely being at home and the only contact she has is with you.
She's at the age where she needs to be being preparing for life in the real world. You aren't going to be around forever and now is the proper time to start preparing her.
You are only one person and I honestly don't know how you thought you could do it all. But, the bottom line is YOU CAN'T!
If you are reading this posting, then you need to listen very closely...I do not want to see you on this forum until after work hours this evening. Your focus has to be on your paying job. The people on this forum will be right here this evening to check on you and we aren't going anywhere in the meantime.
Keep the focus on your job!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
raliced--Will you marry me? I have 2 girls who are older and I sure could help you raise them while you come work for me and allow me the chance to use vocabulary with you.
Heather, this is SO right on. I'm almost peeing in my pants excited - this is how true all of this is. I had to have a conversation like this with a supplier today. It was hard - I don't like calling people out, but it is part of business to protect my assets, people, clients and my own livelihood. Let me tell you, it went well. The supplier took my criticism as constructive, and when I told her what I need and expect in a supplier, she said she'd do better. I'm trying to do business, and I need to make sure that we are all professionals and treat business as sacred.
This is the first--and probably last--time I'll ever propose. Online. To a woman. I guess it's Friday the 13th so anything goes?
Good luck, Heather. You can be #5. I personally would like #4 just fine, and the occasional #3 isn't so bad. But the people that stand out to employers are definitely the fives.
If I might add one more thing - just for understanding. It's hard to be in the boss' shoes. I don't enjoy these conversations at all. So know when you sit down they are as disadvantaged as you with the discomfort level. Growth takes place through change. If we stop changing, we stop growing. It *is* a learning opportunity.
Good luck- Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
