W still having PA with OP

[Ontheup]

Hey 4

I've had the wrath of wife tonight. I didn't engage which p1ssed her off even more. I just carried on bit my lip best i could and asked if she wanted cheese on her spag Bol. Lol I'm going to post about it shortly.
It's really hard I know. I'm leaving cos I just can't take any more. 6 months I've been battling before bd. Don't rise to anything. That's what they want. They goad you into it. Today when I came to do the washing she had left her thong in there(not worn one in years after child birth) that she will have worn for OM on val day. I just smiled to myself. now I'm mind reading here but I think this was on purpose. Goading me to say something. Get a rise from me. I won't react which no doubt p1sses her off even more.

Do people reconcile? Of course. Sometimes it's years later. That doesn't mean you hang around for years. It means you move on and if you both find your way back to each other then so be it. This is why I don't believe in making rash or ultimatum decisions now. Time. It's a healer. The old proverbs ring true.
Wifes aunt reconciled after 18 months apart and her falling in love with someone else right before divorce was signed But don't sit here banking on that happening because it might not. Live your life, it is what it is right now.

There was some girl on X factor uk this year whose parents were apart for 5 years before they got back together.

[4mendmj]

Thanks guys and ladies. Had a blast today. Spent time doing things for me, spent time with family, spent time with multiple different friends...love my me day Wednesday...recharged and ready for whatever challenges come my way tomorrow

[Ontheup]

Good to hear 4

Many more good days to come

[4mendmj]

Learned this morning from D6 that W went and picked up OW before W even went and picked up D after work yesterday on my me day. I know from previous intel that W thinks that W and OW are going to happily raise their newly created family and it makes me sick and it makes me sad for W as she has no clue the likelihood of me getting sole custody if we divorce. Yet, here I am worrying about her. I do worry about D6 though as she almost seems sick of OW as it is all W does or brings D6 around to. As if D6 is kind of wishing something else would happen in her life when D is with W.

I have been removing the identical amount of money from our checking account that W spends monthly and W makes a little more than I so right now I am not losing anything by sharing finances but if/when the checking account gets to nill then I will probably change banks and cancel the joint cards so her money becomes hers.

I keep reading about the WAW goading the LBS and not to fall into the trap. I don't know if the heart left in the snow in the driveway or talking on the phone with OW when I came home was ways of trying to get my goat but for the first time in this ordeal, I have now kept my cool for a few weeks now...no blow ups, no R talk and yet no D talk.

I need however to keep doing more DO things that are for me. Starsky said something that has really stuck with me...no consequences = no change. I left the lawyer card and some "how to co-parent" paperwork the state requires around in the bathroom but I don't know whether she has tripped on it or not. I quit doing the dishes and now I noticed in the last 2 days she is starting to put her own dishes away in the dishwasher. Since she has unloaded/reloaded the dishwasher the last 2 times (and me the previous 100 before that) I don't know whether to just keep leaving all those dishes pile up in the sink or not now that she is putting her stuff away in the dishwasher?

I almost feel petty even spending my brain power psychoanilyzing the dishwasher the reality is though I need to understand not to be taken advantage of so perhaps that is something to think more about. When do I feel taken advantage of, and what is an action I can take that changes that feeling to one of self-control and self-worth and confidence for me.

[Wonka]

4me,

What makes you so certain that you'll get sole custody of D6? What facts to you base your assumption on here?

[4mendmj]

I have spent a # of hours with a lawyer. W has been gone 5-7 days a week for 18 months now and the lawyer's 35 year's of experience tells her that the frequency and duration W has been away from the child, compounded with that W has introduced constantly the OW into D's life, and that the state in which I live is not a liberal one, and some of the mental/verbal threats W has made to D6 all compound. W literally has not eaten supper with D6 & I 50 times in the last 365 Gone until 11pm, midnight, 1am, 2am 3am + almost nightly... Not healthy for the child and as the lawyer describes it, custody is about what is best for the child and it sounds like W does not have the child as her best interest.

[4mendmj]

And I am not certain Wonka...but lawyer tells me I have an 80-90% chance of sole custody. Also, W is horrible with money and blows it all so cannot provide financial stability and W does not cook or clean so would just be buying hamburgers and pop tarts for D6 and living in a messy home and none of this is healthy for the growth and development of a child.

[4mendmj]

Before Starsky calls me out for mindreading, I will just state the facts and would love opinions on why in god's name they did this...

Last night, I was with my good budy at our favorite local bar/restaurant after I went to the movies. Just hanging out, chatting and having a pint. All of a sudden the OW's vehicle with OW in it drives by really slow on the street in front of the bar. Front of bar is one big huge beautiful window so I proclame "Hey, that is XXXXX's car" 30 seconds later, here goes the vehicle the other way going slow, looking all over, trying to look into the restaurant. A few minutes later....drives by a 3rd time. 5 minutes later a 4th time. It literally went on a total of 5 or 6 times! Each time driving slowly, looking around, looking into the bar. I don't know if the way I was sitting and the proximity to the door blocked OW's view of me enough that she couldn't recognize me or what but what the heck was that all about? I wanted to go out there sooooo bad...but I did not. I wanted to have a cigarette soooooo bad....but I did not. I was bugged that I cannot go out and enjoy a single night a week with friends without now apparently having a tail...

[Wonka]

If I were in your shoes, 4me, I would have gone outside and gave the OW a cherry wave and walked back inside the bar.

She would have taken off in the car soooo fast that the cockroaches on the road would have spun out.

[Ontheup]

don't try and read the mind of WAS. they are defo crazy.