Jbird it sounds like you and your girls could use some IC. A safe place to be able to talk about your feelings and learn how to deal with your with in a new healthier way.
Your wife has to decide whether or not she wants to get help. You can't change or control her. You can only lead by example by working on you.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Thanks Karma for stopping by my yhread, I appreciate your advice and encouragement.
Today SND20 and I loaded up my car with prints I had framed and matted prints to take to my friends dry cleaning store. I don't know if anyone has ever sold framed prints out of this kind of store, but he has a booming business in downtown Houston and the income demographics are correct. We will get another batch ready to take down next week.
I met a gentlemen there that had traveled to Sweden several times, I am mostly Nowegian and he was Swedish, so we talked about lutefisk, Aquavit and other cuisines from our cultures. I can honestly say during that conversation I did not think of W once and that is an achievement for me!
I received several calls from W today I did not answer any of them, but called back twice after waiting at least an hour. Several texts were also sent, a picture of her working. Two texts she wondered where I was, one saying she wasn't moving to MT for awhile I'm not trying to hurt you at all, one saying If I was at S22 house tell him hi and I love him and I forget the others. (S22 is still avoiding her also) Karma, I will get SND some IC because she has Medicaid, but I will have to read self help books until I can afford the IC for myself. I have had IC almost every time there has been marriage problems and the last one basically taught the GAL method and I know that is what works. I am struggling with the infidelity issues. I started using a testosterone replacement a few months ago and I thought W was happy with our SL. She wanted to ML multiple times a day sometimes, right up until she got a skin rash that covered her body. Then after I said she would have cut back on her therapy which cost her 150 a week, she hasn't touched me since. It makes me feel inadequate as a man especially since I started having some issues before finding out I needed testosterone replacement. I went from supposedly the best husband to the worst in a matter of days. I haven't touched another women in almost 30 yrs. I hope someday I can a least be confident enough to think someone would want a relationship with me.
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
I spent about 3 hours with D25 today, she chose the color of matting and I cut the matts and mounted the pictures. It brought back memories of my kids helping at my store. We listened to The Artic Monkeys and some spoken word poetry that she likes. It was great bonding time.
S22 and I talked for an hour on his commute home from work. We made arrangements to get together on Monday.
SND20 and I will go to The Department of Assistive and Rehabilitation next week to get her help for job training. Bless her heart she wants to go to college, but with an IQ of 67 that will be virtually impossible. It is progress though that she is willing to obtain help from DARS.
I did some searching on Texas divorce law, it looks like the royalties I inherited from my father are safe. Also since I have been the homemaker/butler for the last 7 yrs I may be able to get some support if the D happens. SND20 needs supervision 24-7 and she will live with me.
I'm not saying I'm going to throw in the towel, but I am starting to feel I might be better off without W. Everytime questions of why this happened, I need to refocus. When the worries about me being not good enough in bed with her creep up I need to remember what W's C told her. "You didn't send the vibrator video to the OM because of your husband, it wouldn't matter who your husband was, you never learned how to set boundaries with men because of the sexual trauma you endured!"
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
Karma thanks for the encouragement. Also making a list of things I won't miss about W is great advice.
I'll do it right now!
Things I won't miss about W.
Being cheated on or worrying about it. Wondering if her OMen were better than me. Listening to her complain about her coworkers or boss. Her mood swings from happy to mad at the big dog in the house(me). Her buying habits, buying on impulse with no thought or purpose. Worrying about he relapsing on painkillers. Wondering when the next BD is coming. Waiting on her hand and foot without appreciation. Her embellishing the truth and lying. Trying to keep her away from people that will supply her pills. Trying to understand her mental illnesses, what is real and what is faked. Listening to her complain that her mother likes her brother and sister more than her. (Since this last BD and W paying 2k for rapist brother's A, mom and daughter are close) Trying to smooth out her arguments with the kids, Walking on eggshells to please her, she can have friends I can't, she can send vibrator video to OM but she got mad at me when my first gf ( we were 14 yrs old we never even kissed) called me when my father died. Wondering what prisioners she will sexted with!
Okay that's enough of what I wouldn't miss.
I will miss these things but not forever!
Our dates were fun, long talks, flirtatious and exciting. When I felt she really loved me. The happy days of our R and ML.
Okay I'm struggling to come up with things I will miss.
I have spent way too much time trying to fix her and I realize that now! Still heartbroken, still got a lump in my throat but my brain is starting to function again.
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
Trying hard to stay strong tonight! Even though I accomplished a fair amount of work today and I spent a good couple hrs with D25, Valentine's is hitting me hard. I plan to stay busy this week getting more product ready to put in my friends store. I want to be out of the house as much as I can when W comes back from her trip. I wish I had a place to go stay overnight w/out W knowing where I'm at. If I go somewhere and leave SND20 with her mom for the night, SND20 will freak out, if she goes with me W will hear everything we did, so no mystery involved.
Again this morning I missed calls from W and called back an hour or so later. Since January she took over paying bills so she can get used to doing it before the D is final. Already credit card companies are calling for their payments, first time this has happened since we got remarried. Anyway, when I called back she was trying to pay about 3 or 4 past due accts., (I showed how to go online and pay each account in January, gave her websites, phone #s and due dates) she was in a panic because she didn't know how to pay them because she left her notebook at work. She has Wifi at the hotel and a smart phone, so I walked her through it again.
In the afternoon I just answered her call when it came in. I don't think there was a specific reason she called. She talked for 20 minutes about trip. Her and another lady went to Dave & Busters and had a couple shots of tequila so she has a headache. Another day she went to an outlet mall and bought a new purses and wallet.
No D or R talk with me, but she had a talk with S22 today. D25 told me that they talked about the D and her moving out of state. S22 told her it won't matter where she moves or what man she finds it won't make her life happy. He told her she has an addiction problem and is too impulsive to manage her finances on her own. He also told her that all of her children love her but they are upset with her actions and reiterated that it is not his dad alienating them against her.
On another note, I read chapter 18 in Phil Jackson's "Eleven Rings", the chapter was about anger. It was the first time I picked up his book and I went directly to this chapter skipping the first 17. The quote by Budha at the beginning was something like this; "If you pick up hot coals to throw at someone, you are the one that gets burned." How true! Phil Jackson is a very composed man, I thought what anger problem could he have. I learned that what caused me to throw the hot coals is, I had suppress my anger for too long without dealing with it properly. I'm going to read it again to get a better grasp of how dealt with his anger.
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
Karma, thank you for your encouragement again, it brightens my day to hear from you.
Staytog, thank you for the nice compliment! It feels good to get a pat on the back !
Today I cried in front of D25, she understands because her X cheated on her and is marrying the OW. During the break down she revealed that she read love letters written by W to a man in prison. I looked him up and found he is in prison for assault and various chargess in Mt. He also has over 20 court cases from various arrests in Idaho, several domestic violence charges, attempted strangulation, drug dealing and an array of other charges. I looked at our call log and W has called a 800# to add money to his calling card! Love letters talk about seeing him be a daddy to his kids when he gets out and she will send his kids birthday presents for him while he is in there. According to D25 he had already called her a "crazy B" and she forgives him!
I actually am feeling better about myself after I found this out. It is one thing finding an OM that has something going for him, instead choosing one that will surely beat you up as he has his other women. Man this has confirmed she is "bat chit" crazy! Live and learn!
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
I'm no longer DBing to save my M! W is D ing me for a hardened criminal and women beater. He is incarcerated as we speak. At my worst I am better than his best.
She has not seen him since 89, they were never in a R and she just connected with him on FB in December and she is in love with him.
She would leave her kids in Tx to be with him in Mt, that is messed up.
I will DB to improve myself and help others. I'm done w/W but I'm not saying a word to her about what I know thanks to the DB site.
I read Phil Jackson's chapter 18 "The Wisdom of Anger" again last night, I'm not suppressing my anger and doing nothing. Instead I'm channeling my anger to work on my R skills and protect my royalties!
W is messed up because her brother raped her for abt 4 yrs, her dad drank and beat her mother! Then opiates have destroyed what is left of her brain. Opiates have done their damage and no amount of DB ing can fix that.
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
