Good Morning RysinMn, I have been following your thread and I am sorry you have to deal with your sitch. When I was where you are, I experienced the same onslaught of emotions. Here are some of the actions I took to ease my mind: If we have common friends, I asked them to not bring M or W. I stopped following her on social media. I kept conversations with W brief. These simple actions, over time, helped sooth the idea I no longer have a W.
Having that mindset, GAL was easier. Getting to a confident version of yourself requires you to want to be that person and I found that there is no faster way to being that guy than wanting to be attractive to someone new. I am not condoning having an A of your own, but there is something to be said to having that feeling again when you want to be in the chase again. GAL and having that mindset will make all the tools you will learn here easier to execute. Let the A your W is having play out. In the meantime, I will suggest you use this time to grow, get to know your self and figure out what you want for you.
We all love our Ws or we would not be here. However, if the M is going to end, we need make sure to become the person she will regret to had let slip away.
It will be a hard road. It will take time. You will have setbacks. Most importantly, have an outlet.
Good Luck.
Last edited by hjoseph; 02/02/1503:13 PM.
Me:28 W:24 M:4 years S5, SS5, S2 Separated: 07/01/14 Asked for D 1/09/15
Yeah, I remember well the occasional "sightings" of H and OW that my friends would tell me about. I've often wondered what in the world they think that they are "helping" by running straight to a wounded spouse to tell them that they saw their spouse with their affair partner. I HAVE to believe the friends are well-meaning, because some of my dearest friends were the guiltiest of all; I just can't figure out WHAT they mean by it. Or why they would even think it's a good idea.
As much as your curiosity is going to make you wonder what your W is up to, each time you see it with your own eyes (snooping) or hear it from others, it's going to set you back to Square One when it comes to detaching.
This is one case when ignorance truly is bliss ... and curiosity really does kill the cat.
Take mental notes about what you were doing when you felt better at certain moments ... and then what's causing you to "sink and spin." Keep a journal, if you need to. Over time, you'll be able to link what you're doing that helps you feel more in control ... and what's happening when you feel OUT of control. And that can help you to really stay focused on doing the things that are WORKING for you.
Tell your friends, as soon as you think they're about to say something about W, that you'd rather not hear it. There are many ways to say this. Find one that feels authentic to you. But take steps to tell your friends that it only hurts you to hear about W's shenanigans with OM.
And, Rysin, I'm just going to put it out there again: Force yourself to GAL. It will help. VOLUMES.
Big hugs today; I know the "low" days are so, so tough to get through.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
Thank you all for the support, I think the biggest contributor is Facebook. Even though I have blocked my W all my photos are of us. I am struggling on a daily basis with not looking at the pictures. I do not want to delete my account because it's my only contact most days being in the military. I am trying my best to GAL, the first week was actually not bad, but it seems like it's getting harder as time goes by. I hope at the month mark I will find it easier. Each day. I have started learning the guitar. Again thank you everyone. You are all a life saver! I felt the spin begin but your have helped pull the Ebrake. Now I gotta breathe and survive.
Obviously be careful and check if its what you want to do but I did this at the begining of my sitch when I needed down time and not to see what w was doing while i got myself together.
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
I am thinking I'm gonna leave it up Just gotta be strong. I can do this.
I wouldn't be "reading" FaceBook ( FB ) right now. However if you are going to be doing your GAL program in an expeditious fashion, you can post a bunch of pics showing you happy and doing fun things.
