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So picked up son about 2 hours ago after being nice and driving 20 minutes farther north than the original plan. I was a good father and friend by picking up a birthday card from S5 to mommy and a very neutral but sincere one from me. Also got her a nice looking bouquet of flowers from both of us as I promised S5 last weekend. I really felt like the improved me was fully on and acted "as if" everything was good, and it worked! On the drive, S5 was sad. I consoled him and told him everything is going to be ok. He told me some things, such as him not liking the guy friend being around and giving "mommy a kiss on the forehead", and then he also said that mommy is not a part of our family, since she left our home. That was fun to deal with...

We're not home but 30 minutes and then I get this series of texts.

W: How's S5?
M: Doing great.
W: I miss him already. It's so quiet here. Thank you very much for the flowers and cards. It was a pretty uneventful bday.
M: I understand. I missed him very much this week. I promised him I would get them for you.
W: It means a lot. Tell him I love him.
M: I will.

I should have validated more, and yet I don't think I did so badly.

Last edited by Squiggy; 01/30/15 10:40 PM.

M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
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You did good Squiggy.. I think you did all the validating you could in the circumstances..

Keep it up and stay strong!!..


Me:35 W:31
S6 + S9
T: 10 years M: 7 years
BD: 7/2014
S: 8/2014
W has new BF: 12/2014
Still fighting the good fight!!..
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Squiggy Offline OP
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Thanks LoveMyW.

Specific request for help from anyone that has experienced this. No less than 3 times today since I picked him up S5 has mentioned that he does not like the guy over at W's apartment and the fact that he kissed her on the forehead. Now, I'm not dwelling on that part. I've let go of that issue and will let it resolve itself, whatever the outcome may be. My specific concern is how to help S5 through this. I validated the heck out of him and told him that it is ok to not be happy with it, but he should love mommy anyway. He also added to what he said Monday by stating that mommy has left our family.

What others pieces of advice does anyone have to help him through this?


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
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Hi Squiggy, sounds like you're doing well - making the birthday stuff mainly about S - but being helpful and organising it in the background - but nothing OTT or pressurising - well done.

I feel for your S. I don't have kids myself, but met H a year after he and his XW had S and SS was just 3. Slowly, slowly would be my mantra with new OPs and kids. IMO, it's far too soon for your W to be introducing S to OM. But I'm sure others will chime in with advice on this one. Whether it would be helpful to try and set a boundary on this....I'm not sure....


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2532984 01/31/15 02:05 PM
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Thanks Toots. I really feel for him. He is having a hard time with the switching around right now, but it's also just the first weekend, and I realize that. He's sleeping soundly next to me right now. One positive about yesterday is that his words and actions really helped me with detaching more.


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
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Sorry your having a tough time and even tougher for your S. At the end of the day he's alseep next to you. What else could you need right this minute. Take care. Rd

rd500 #2533036 01/31/15 05:37 PM
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Well said rd. Tickling him seemed to work to pop his bad moods. Working with him on just telling me what he wants instead of throwing a tantrum.


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
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Squiggy Offline OP
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Ending up being a tough day after all. S5 tells me in the car that he wants me to call every day he is at the apartment. I tell him I will and that I tried this week. He told me that mommy didn't let him talk and told him not to tell daddy that "OM" kissed her on the forehead.

I'm trying to let this go. Trying being the key word here. What I want to do is confront. However, that is the old me. I have a strong feeling he will continue to tell me everything going on. Half of me is grateful. The other half doesn't want to hear it.

Patience.


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 429
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Fun roller coaster ride. Just spent an hour angry at the situation and then had my first full on cry in three weeks. Had to go to the garage so S5 wouldn't see. He kept calling out for mommy, and I had to explain to him that mommy isn't here, and she won't be at daddy's house. Heartbreaking.

I honestly have no idea how we can work on this with 150 miles between us. I am doing my best to improve my R with S5 and myself. Never lost my temper this weekend at any point when he threw a tantrum. I guess I can feel proud about that.

This whole sitch just feels hopeless.

Last edited by Squiggy; 02/01/15 01:41 AM.

M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 429
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Squiggy Offline OP
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After doing some more thinking, I want to clarify the hopelessness I felt earlier. I don't feel hopeless about my changes. I don't feel hopeless about the changes in the R with my S5. I only feel that way in regards to WAW, and it mostly stems from the high potential of at least an EA.


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
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