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mleigh4 Offline OP
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I am just fuming. He never participated in homework, but now the one time he does, he critiques how we do it!? S teacher raves about him, but H would know that if he ever met her, talked to her, or went to parent teacher conference.

Ggrrrr he knows how to push my buttons. Our son does great in school, but I get no credit for all I do, just criticism. It's been like this forever. No admiration for all I do, just criticism.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
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mleigh

Breathe .... remember dude is in a constant spin cycle and feeling pretty lost, what to hurt people do? Yup they hurt people. I would think his critiques are a teenage attempt to feel better about himself, take it at that and dont give it any head space.

To answer your question on my thread... The W has in the past here and there taken her shots, however not that I want to make parenting a competition... if it were she knows that she better bring her A game and keep it there for a long time. Not that I am parent of the year but I coach every single sport S has been involved in, I pick him up every day, I take him to the medical apts (She can not handle the stress this brings) ... when S is upset its me he talks to and wants. Not that its W's fault to be honest, alot of this MLC thing has to do with her own childhood, her parents ... good people.. but very cold Catholics and there is no love shown what so ever ... which is a 180 from how I was raised.

My advice ... just consider it spew ... he left, so he is trying to somehow prove to himself he was in the right ... and from what I have gathered about you from your posts he is going to be hard pressed to justify his actions so its going to be the petty things like how you do homework


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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mleigh4 Offline OP
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Thank you Caliguy. It is so petty, right?

I calmed down last night before he dropped off S. Was cordial as always. I like the way you look at it. He really doesn't have much to justify what he is doing right now, so he grabs what he can. Good point! We are talking 2nd grade homework here! And guess what? It was left at his place. But of course, THAT will be all S's fault. H is not able to look at himself yet, I see that loud and clear.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,447
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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Looks like I have become a member of the spew club. I wonder if Cali can let me know where he got his spew jacket? And do they run in small?

The homework saga continues: Thursday I let H know that the homework was not in S folder and asked if he had it. H answered yes and that he would bring it over later. S and I have dinner, do his other homework, and it's getting later. The missing homework is a reading log with an additional reading assignment attached with questions to complete. At this point, I am thinking we will just not turn it in for his first time, but not the end of the world.

At 8:50, H TM that he had gotten stuck at the house waiting for the bathroom remodeling guy to finish but was on his way. ( The house is falling apart so lots of repairs going on)

So I replied that it's really too late for S to do his homework, that I will ask teacher if he can make up, and that he should have let us know that he was stuck so we could have gone and picked it up.

Here is where the spew comes in...

He responds "why didn't you just tell me that earlier?"

I reply, "tell you what?"

H says, "that there was homework on it? ( that one just cracks me up. What did he think we needed it for?) I just saw it sitting on the table this morning so I didn't look at it because I figured he knew what his Thursday assignment was...and could do it from the book...and I would just bring it over after the handyman left. Earlier when I said I would bring it over later you could have just mentioned that you had homework actually on the paper and I would've brought it over right away. Well I will be there soon either way and it's not yet 9:00 so I'm sure he can get it done before 9:30 when he normally goes to bed."

At least I can laugh about it, right? At first I took it personal, but that feeling left as fast as it came. His thinking is so irrational and blaming that I actually feel sorry for him and anyone else he may be treating this way.

I did not reply and was cordial when he came, I did not say anything about it. Like Jekyll and Hyde, he was perfectly pleasant. He sat down with S and did the homework with him. While S was rubbing his eyes and trying to do his homework, H kept asking him questions about his upcoming bday. S was getting annoyed be cause he is tired and trying to finish his homework, so then I sense H starting to get annoyed so I just said, it's getting late, let him finish his homework first. I said it nicely and after We even had good conversation. Then he laid down with S and rubbed his back, a pre bed ritual they had, before he left.

He had circles under his eyes, not sure if it was the lighting, and he looks really tired. I see anger from him coming more and more directed at me. I am keeping in mind, since his move out a month ago, that it will get worse before it gets better. That appears to be exactly true.

We were H free Friday night and it was glorious. I am so happy, having my home to myself. It's been a wonderful first month.

S turns 8 on Tuesday, so he is having his best buddies over for a sleepover tonight. I baked a cake and am making sliders and snacks. Yummy! H says he wants to be here for the festivities. Since he only spews on text so far, it should be fine. Looking forward to a loud, fun and sleepless night!


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
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mleigh

Yeah the spew Jackets do in fact come in small .. you can have any color you want as long as its yellow.

I think your M is justifying, seems to me experience and what I have read they just HAVE to make the LBS in some way the reason for their problems, they keep slapping mud in the void thinking its going to take away the pain and nothing is working so must still be you, we breath and use their precious oxygen and it just pisses em off.

Strap that spew jacket, stay cool, you know its not you nor the homework ... dude is just lost and there is not a compass that he can use in that dark tunnel. I to think things will get worse the more frustrated he gets when all these choices have not landed him happiness, mine has done the same.

You sound good ... balanced... grounded ... your a tough one wink


M: 48
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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Catching up....

Sleepover for S on Saturday night was a success. S had a great time. H came over and was really helpful. He even cleaned up the kitchen and dishes. While he was cleaning, I sat down on couch to watch tv. He came in and sat down next to me and watched tv for a bit. We had nice conversation and laughs, we were watching Jaws. He left about 9:00.

Sunday, per request of H, S and I went to his place to pick him up and bring him back to house so he could drive his Jeep home. I didn't go into his house, waited in truck for him to come out. He got Jeep, then took S and dog for first sleepover at his place. I hated it. It brings out anger in me. I didn't go through a miscarriage, 9 months of pregnancy and 36 hours of labor to have a part time child. But due to H's issues, I have to. Ticks me off. I made the best of it. Went to grocery store, watched a movie and drank wine.

Has anyone seen Stuck on you? With Greg Kinnear? Total MLC story and ending. I hadn't cried so much in like a year, but I loved the movie.

Monday night had S and pets at home, all was well in my world again and I got some much needed sleep. H called to confirm plans for S birthday dinner together tonight, and talked to S to say goodnight.

Today is S birthday, H is on his way to hang out and all go to dinner. Just the 3 of us. I suspect a good time, looking forward to it.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 2,523
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mleigh

Yeah that part time kid thing is the stinger that's for sure. I feel the same way.

OH .. THAT movie .. yeah ... completely total MLC type , however with a happy ending. I have often felt that scene where he is about to leave the ring but sees her reading his book and keeps hanging on ... there have been little things like that for me too, who knows... good movie.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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mleigh4 Offline OP
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Yes! Boy can we relate, so many times he struggled to let go, but couldn't. His run was over 3 years long.

Had fun at dinner. We laughed, played, joked. H insisted I try his food. He even gave me a hug, the first since Christmas. It's times like this, when he is so like old H, I look at him but think to myself.....are you done? Are you homesick yet? Can't you see we all belong together? Can you be yourself again so we can please just go back to being a family?

Sigh.....


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,447
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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Not much to update. Wednesday night H picked up S from his mom's and handled dinner and homework at his place. They showed up about 8:30 at my place to drop off S. Was interesting, H usually will TM that they are on their way. H said he forgot his phone at home, kind of threw me off when they walked in. Good thing I didnt have my hottie boyfriend here! Lol, ya right!

Thursday night I get a TM from H asking if S realized he forgot his grammy's birthday gift of cash at his place. I let him know he had realized it the night before. H said to tell S he spent it all on fruity pebbles. I thought to myself, this is my H free night. You moved so you could be away from horrible me, so go be alone. I am not sure why that came over me, but it did so I didn't respond

Tonight, Friday, I get a TM saying he would love to spend some time with S this weekend and threw out some ideas. I told him of course, and asked if he wanted to talk to S or want me to ask him? I mean really, I'm not his messenger. He replied, he just got home and would call S after he cleaned up. That made me laugh. You need to clean up first? Annoying and I don't know, BS? H called about 1 1/2 hours later and made their plans. I let S answer phone, did not talk to H.

I see with myself, the more fun we all have together, the more I pull away after. I don't want to get sucked in to his game. It's safer staying detached and distant. I only want to deal with H in regards to S, and only when needed. I figure, you left, go figure yourself out and leave us alone. I guess that is part of my detachment process.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,447
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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Anyway, having a nice mellow night with my peanut and fur babies. I have had a really busy week, especially at work, and am exhausted. When I picked up S at his after school care, one of the dad's was bringing in pizza. I told him thank you and that was really nice of him. He said he was a divorced single dad, that it has been hard for his S, and that he likes to see the kids just have fun and be kids, because it gets tough when we grow up. I told him yes, that is the truth!


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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