The awakening of me Part 3

[mleigh4]

Back home from Socal! We finished off our trip with a day and night at Disneyland. Just not enough time! Now Disneyland is where I walk around in awe. The trip for S and I was great, but I really got homesick. That never happens. I could not wait for tonight, to be home with my S, my stinky creatures, my little lights and candles on throughout my house, my new couch. I just couldn't wait.

Throughout the trip I TM H pictures out of courtesy and because he asked. I would hope for the same if H was away with S. He finally asked to speak with S last night, so they did.

While away, H took the couple of things he said he would. Don't see anything else gone, the only surprise was dogs crate. He needed it to make her shady shelter as his place has no shade for her. When we went to pick her up on our way home, I saw his makeshift shelter for her and just shook my head. Tarp covered over her crate, next to his bent up mini blinds and yellow stained curtains, the place is just a dump when you look at it.

So H asked to come by tonight and see S. He came straight from work, still in his work clothes. It was right when dinner was ready so I invited him to make a plate. How could I not. H was here about 1/2 hour then started his hugs and goodbyes with S. Before he left, he called me into the kitchen.

He asked if I heard about his sister. He has 2, one I am close with and one has a drug addiction, we don't see her much. Well, apparently she has been evicted, with her 18 year old daughter, and is living in a motel jobless and close to being homeless. So H said his other sister mentioned living with me. I said, what!!?? No way. H said he told his sister and mom that he didn't think I would be open to that. I said wait, hold on a minute, why is my name coming up? Why not you? You have room in your place, or what about your dad, mom or sister who all have huge houses! I said I don't even understand why my name is coming up!? H just kind of mumbled something like ya, I don't know. Are they crazy?


So then I said it's sad that she is going through that, especially her daughter. H says ya, she made her choices but her daughter is the innocent one paying the price.....

So you know where I am going with this, right? I looked at H and said ya, pretty self centered choices, you know? Then I said, ya, you know. He just looked at me and said, huh? I said you know all about self centered choices. Um....ya...I said it. Not nice, I know, I couldn't stand him being all higher and holier than thou. I am a mamma bear when it comes to S.

So he said thanks for dinner, kissed S and left.

I know I am not supposed to judge or put down, but I don't regret saying it. I will be friendly and cordial but no, I am not always ok and accepting of H choices.

As for his sister, I also know drug addiction is an illness and can't always be controlled. My father was addicted to heroine and alcohol and died when I was 19 with only meeting me once.

I have a really bad attitude with parents making selfish choices, but I am trying to learn and understand for my father and my husband.

[job]

I'm glad your trip was a huge success and that you and your son had a blast. Disneyland will always be my favorite of the Disney amusement parks, after all...it's the original.

Now, about your h telling you about his sister, etc., I hope you don't get roped into that one. Her parents should be the ones stepping up to the plate to help her out, or better yet, your h now has a place of his own and plenty of space...he can have her come there and stay. She could be a great help to him...but your home is not the "mission for lost souls".
Quite frankly, his family is nuts to even think you'd take them in. After all, you just had one man/child leave to find himself.

I am sure your fur babies were happy to see you and your son. Enjoy your weekend.

[mleigh4]

Great start to my day waking up with my fur babies! I just wanted to post something about my son.

Last night he was snuggling with the cat and says, I think I know the point of life. I said, what is that? He said the point of life is to love and care about everything. I told him that is a great way to live your life. He went on to say how much he loves his animals. I told him how lucky they are to have him. He said, of course he loves them, they are our family. He said family is the most important thing in the world and we are a family. I told him, that is exactly right!

Later on, he again started talking about love and how important it is to let everyone know how much you love them. I told him it is very important, and sometimes you will get hurt, but mostly you will get love in return. He said ya, the more love you give, the more you get back.

Not sure where this all came from, pretty amazing for a 7 year old. But I worry, we all do, about how our messes effect our kids. I feel a lot better and figure I will continue to keep conversation open and continue to be an example of a loving caring person with an open heart. He is seeing it and I only hope he will keep his heart open and grow up to be as amazing of a man as he is now.

[job]

Your son is very wise for a 7 year old. He's going to grow up to be an amazing man and do some great things. How do I know this? You, his mother, are teaching him how to love unconditionally and have been taking the high road during your journey. You are there to listen, share and provide feedback to him. He knows that he can talk to you about anything and you will be there for him.

I'm sure your fur babies were so happy to have you both back home. It's nice to have them there to greet you when you wake up and at the door when you come home.

Enjoy your day.

[123Gwen]

MLeigh- Job is always so wise and so is your son. As time goes on I have never regretted being honest (in an age appropriate way) with my girls. To know we can count on each other to be honest and value each other as family is a gift that will help him deal with the trials of life.

Sounds like you are getting stronger every day without feeling bitter. It is tough to walk that tightrope. Fur babies do help though.

[mleigh4]

Happy Monday. Feeling much more relaxed and grounded now that I am home.

Saturday morning H TM that he would be home all weekend if S wanted to go hang out with him. S said not right now, just wanted to stay home.

Didn't hear again that night. Sunday, H TM in the afternoon that he wanted to know if S and I would like to go out to dinner. I struggled with this one. Part of me wanted to say no, but take S. But another part of me said go and enjoy. So I told him ok. He said good and that he made reservations. He picked our restaurant, a place we always go for special dinners. I didn't let myself get too happy but was looking forward to the yummy food.

H showed up to hang out with S while I ran to grocery store, then we were off to dinner. He said he would drive, which sent me in to a panic attack. I was terrified to get in his truck and smell female. Oh ya boys, we can smell it! But I figured it would be weird to say no so I talked myself down and got in the truck, and prayed. No female smells, in fact the seat was back like a guy sat there last. Whew.

Had a really nice dinner. It was really like being with my old H. We all played hangman and laughed, food was great. Had nice conversation. Then he got us dessert to all share. I really enjoyed it and was glad we went.

One thing, during conversation, he told me that he has been really frustrated with his dad. He says he was talking to him on the phone and his dad wasn't listening to what he was saying so he told him he had to hang up. Said they didn't talk for 2 weeks. Very very unlike them. I just listened. I have to say, me and his dad are the 2 people he is closest with. Do you think his dad is getting a taste of the MLC beast? Is this part of a MLC'er nearing their rock bottom? We talk but not in detail. Actually, his dad called and left me a message yesterday, I need to call him back tonight.

So I will not bring anything up with his dad and plan to continue to keep conversation light. Hope H enjoyed playing family last night. Me and S did, but I am not making much of. You just never know what is going through the MLC mind!

[job]

I'm sure his father is getting a bit frustrated w/his son, but you don't know what type of conversation they had. Maybe your h was bouncing off the walls or maybe he was just complaining or trying to tell his father what to do. Nope, he's not nearing rock bottom. Your h has a ways to go and some scrape the bottom and others hit it...but he's not there yet.

It will be interesting to hear what his father has to tell you. Listen to what he has to say and not share much w/him in the way of what is going on in the MLC department.

Good luck!

[AJM]

the more love you give, the more you get back.

Not sure where this all came from, pretty amazing for a 7 year old. But I worry, we all do, about how our messes effect our kids. I feel a lot better and figure I will continue to keep conversation open and continue to be an example of a loving caring person with an open heart. He is seeing it and I only hope he will keep his heart open and grow up to be as amazing of a man as he is now.

It's been said that kids learn all they are going to learn from their parents by 7. I wonder sometimes. I do know they learn the basics by then and then test throughout their lives.

Your son showed a lot of wisdom there. I would say that the point of life is exactly that, which shows he learns from what he sees. i.e. you're giving him a great example of how to live.

The only thing I'd add is that a man's place is to also protect those things he loves and cares for and it's not always easy to do so. I think he sees that now in you. The easy path is for kids. The harder path is for adults but it's really the point, isn't it?

Nice to hear wisdom from kids, isn't it?

Peace,
AJ

[mleigh4]

Awww Job. Couldn't you sugar coat it a bit? Lol. Ya, something tells me you are right, he has a long way to go. I too am thinking long term separation here. It's just hard not to feel that hope, when you see those glimpses of your old spouse. My armor is still on though.

AJM, great advise. I like that addition and will be sure to mention that to S. I love our conversations, my son has an old and wise soul, for sure.

[mleigh4]

Ok I just caught myself on something and want your advice.

H has S tonight, for the first time in 2 weeks, and they are doing homework. H just texted me that the homework says to do this, but S says I only have him do this, so they are arguing, and H says in his text that he knows his homework isn't a big deal to me, but he is just asking S to do what it says. Basically it says to re-read a story and answer some questions, but S is always able to answer the questions because he remembers the story. He gets stellar grades and is considered in "advanced" levels, if he can answer the questions, I am good.

Anyway, I reacted and TM that I DO care much about his homework as I do it with him every night, and explained that the teacher suggests rereading if they can't answer the questions. I then TM H his teachers email in case he ever has questions.

Now, I am thinking, I should have just kept it simple and replied that they will work it out. Like Caliguy does with his wife, I always respect that. Instead I reacted.

I always get blamed when they disagree and S says, "but mommy...." How should I handle this? Any ideas? Just let him figure it out?

Ugh, H just TM again that he is just reacting to S attitude with him when he tells him to do what his homework says and that any time he asks S to help him with something, do his homework, clean something up, he gets attitude and told that mommy doesn't make him do that. He said he didn't think to ask the teacher if it's ok for him to skip what his homework says to do.

I replied, "I'm sure you guys can work it out :)"