I know Sandi. I'm really annoyed with myself for reacting. I got dragged into it easily. she tested the water showing me a chink of hope and I just fell for it hook line and sinker. Grrrrr!!!
I'm sure it's going to get worse complex. We need to tell our d8 in next couple of weeks.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
Taken D8 horse riding this morning. Got back and wife is bringing relationship and us separating up. She was upset and worried about our D8 obviously. Emotions are running high at the moment in our house. Its very difficult to be around each other. I just reassured her we would all be ok. She was again apologetic. I again reiterated that we're both to blame. We both made choices but we would all be ok no matter what. Gave each other a hug again. The way things are nothing is going to get resolved whilst both together. I'm sort of at ease that we aren't going to be together as hard as that is. I'm not sure she has come to turns with that yet. She obviously feels very guilty about what she is doing. I cant help her with that though. I have to deal with my own guilt and emotions whilst trying to be the best dad I can. every time she looked at me this morning her eyes were welling up. hard times ahead but we will both get through this. We briefly discussed finances and agreed not to make any rash decisions about who needs what from the house. We can both manage for now. We will leave that for a future date when our emotions have calmed down.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
SRD, you handled that very well (nix the initiating of hugs if you can, but the "yes, this is hard on ALL of us" /"we'll be OK" stance is tone-perfect.
Don't get into any legal convos with her -- that's what lawyers are for.
Its only the 2nd time we have hugged in at least 6 months. Its hard as she is in pain to. Its been a rollercoaster 24 hrs. She Is really struggling with fact we are breaking up our family. This is her choice though. I was prepared to try and resolve. I just said we have both made some very bad choices and now we need to live with them. I didn't ask anything about OM but it is clear she is still with him. She said "maybe you will meet someone" absolute WAW A script. Make her feel better if I did.. No point mentioning anything about OM as she is in complete fog and to be honest I don't care. No doubt believes that he will bring her happiness which i'm sure he does right now. His track record leaves a lot to be desired so we'll see. I don't believe she has told anyone not even her best friends from what I can gleam.
As far as money convos, yeah I'm just trying to keep it all friendly. Lawyers just bleed you dry. I got some advice about the house and I still have full rights so that's all I need to know right now. I just said we will need to revisit it in the future to which she agreed.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
As far as money convos, yeah I'm just trying to keep it all friendly. Lawyers just bleed you dry. I got some advice about the house and I still have full rights so that's all I need to know right now. I just said we will need to revisit it in the future to which she agreed. [/quote]
I would STRONGLY urge you to reconsider this stance. You don't have to retain an expensive attorney if you cannot afford it (although it IS the best way to go if you CAN). You guys can work with a good mediator, affordably, and then each pay your own family law atty by the hour to review the mediated agreement and advise you before signing.
I hope it never comes to that for you guys, but if it does please protect yourself and don't be naive. Ours is by it's nature an adversarial legal system, and there's a reason why they put that little "v" in between the two parties' names.
As far as money convos, yeah I'm just trying to keep it all friendly. Lawyers just bleed you dry. I got some advice about the house and I still have full rights so that's all I need to know right now. I just said we will need to revisit it in the future to which she agreed.
I would STRONGLY urge you to reconsider this stance. You don't have to retain an expensive attorney if you cannot afford it (although it IS the best way to go if you CAN). You guys can work with a good mediator, affordably, and then each pay your own family law atty by the hour to review the mediated agreement and advise you before signing.
I hope it never comes to that for you guys, but if it does please protect yourself and don't be naive. Ours is by it's nature an adversarial legal system, and there's a reason why they put that little "v" in between the two parties' names.
Starsky [/quote]
Hey starsky
I completely get what your saying. Im a child of a very acrimonious divorce so i'm not naļve to how things can go even when you both start out with best intentions. For now I have confirmed legally that I can if I so wish move back into my own home anytime. There is nothing she could do about that as it is jointly owned. This is what I needed to know. Once I've move out and have started to get my life back on track a bit I will definitely be taking some more legal advice surrounding separation/divorce. My wife is fully aware that she would need to buy me out of this house if this is going to be permanent. My rental will be 6 months and I can survive ok for now. Divorce hasn't been mentioned yet. I'm UK based by the way so not sure what difference is to US law. Just as am example of solicitors, the one I spoke to the other day after giving me freely the advice I needed then started trying to sell me a £1000 separation agreement. I just laughed. That is a lot of money to me and the wife at the moment and there is no way I can afford to spend that just so someone can right down the rules of our separation. At the moment its amicable. I hope it stays that way but I do appreciate your point and I take it on board.
Was out with my mates last night. Was supposed to just be few a few drinks but I stayed out till late. Told wife I won't be back for tea and I'll have it tomorrow. All very friendly. I didn't get drunk as I'm ice skating today with d8 Chatted with my mates about us seperating but didn't mention about affair. They already know what I have done . They're both in sh1tty relationships. One is my mate who got divorced and now his ex remarried stil loves him. The other has been with someone for years with 2 kids. He talks about splitting up but stay together for financial and kids. Is anyone really happy. Felt good to be out. The pain wore off for a bit. My ex gf sister from 20 years ago was out. I haven't seen her in 15years or more. Anyway she came over was chit chatting. She has just separated from 2year R. I told her I was going through same thing. Then she was like"have you still got my number" I said no. So she said take my number give me a call and come round and see me........hmm not the best idea I dont think. Was flattering though. Night was put into perspective of an old friend from school. He was chatting to my mate who later told me this guys wife had recently died. Breast cancer leaving 2 kids. Jeees that was pretty heartbreaking to here. My wife would bring this up all the tine regarding us as her mum died of breast cancer at 40 . She was always saying I wouldn't look after her like it was inevitable she would get it
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
Been skating today with D8. was great till she tweaked a muscle after an hour an we had to call it a day ! never mind. On way home I was feeling angry. Im tired as not getting much sleep. Anyway thrashing over in my head about wife and OM My friend from last night said the same thing you here on these boards. His wife had a plan regarding leaving. And she did. Old school flame lined up who she married but now says she still in love with her 1st hubby my friend. Anyway was thinking about excuses and Sh1t wife has come up with She said it is not about OM. it clearly is. Although we have issues in our marriage no way would she be splitting her family up over them. If he wasn't around we could have resolved them. I asked if she was going to live with him which she said no as he is in London anyway. So that confirms she is continuing it but annoying really they wont be going official with this as I believe it would die a death pretty quickly. The flaws would come to the surface pretty fast. She is breaking our M up cos she is in the fog for her bus partner who's track record is shocking. He has 2 failed marriages and 3 kids and he doesn't give much of a sh!t about any of them from what i've read. My wife seems to think we are all going to be one big happy family because that is what happened with her mum and dad. Her Dad and an affair, they separated but he was around at wife's house regular even though was with OW. What did happen though was wife's mum died a few years later and not too long after Dad split with affair partner and has never had a normal relationship since. That was 25 years ago. Im carrying on as normal for now for sake of our daughter. When I move though which is her choice not mine I cant continue with this. I need to move on which is impossible whilst she is with OM but still wanting to be my best friend. Will he man up and take her on. Or is he sat there now thinking sh!t what the hell have I done. I don't know and shouldn't care. I cant wait to get out. Get my lfe and self confidence back. No doubt it will be hard especially with D but my friend last night gave me confidence in how his daughter handled it.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
Got to work this morning, messgae from wife. Why have i axed her from Instagram. I replied saying i havent, dont be daft. Anyway then remebered i locked it down as some random idiot put some abusive comments on there. Anyway told her this and approved her access again. I just upload pics of D8. A few IM's exchanged and then she says ill ring you when going to work. Why? she continues to have her cake and eat it. She wants me there on tap as her best friend, great dad and majority great husband but then gets her emotional fix met from other man. Riding in to work this morning i was again feeling angry. She is so blind. Its so frustrating that she cant see it. Im so tired of this and exhausted with lack of sleep. I snapped at D8 yesterday and then felt terrible so made a fuss of her. When W and I talked the otehr day she was going on again about how her dad used to come around after parents split and have has tea etc was there all the time. This is what she see's as her future. I wouldnt be surprised if once im gone she rings me to ask me to come and chop the wood and light our fire or kill spiders for her. Thats how f**cked up she is.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
