Strong EA after 2yrs M - trying to detach. #3

[DaddyLongShanks]

Peace of mind. Stop pretending. Stop living a lie to cover up what she is doing.
But it would feel wrong. I need more patience and more love. I'm extremely depressed today.
And I don't feel like it's going to benefit me. But I'm having a terrible terrible day again today. I just don't want to live like this anymore...I'm crying my ass off writing this. It's so hurtful. I probably shouldn't go to any family invitations anymore. It was ok, I did a good job there but it made me so sad today.

My mom is so heartbroken too. She even thinks if ahe tells my grandparents they will get a heart attack. There are a lot more broken hearts than mine. It is wearing so hard on me. I just gotta stay strong...

Go to the gym. Do at least 30 minutes of cardio and preferably some weights after it.

If you are into martial arts, do some sparring sessions with others. You need to get control of yourself.

Everytime you think about it or get drawn in you lose control of yourself.

[Complex]

Should I actually tell my W I'll be treated for depression?
About the anti depressants I'm not sure yet. She suggested it to me to go to my primary care physician and talk about my options.

[DaddyLongShanks]

Should I actually tell my W I'll be treated for depression?
About the anti depressants I'm not sure yet. She suggested it to me to go to my primary care physician and talk about my options.

Don't tell her that crap and don't get on anti depressants.

After doing your workout regiment your endorphins will be flowing and the stress knocked off your back like a monkey.

I wouldn't complain to her, it adds to your weakness. You have nothing to complain about. You might be getting rid of a wife who chose another man and is using you for plan B.

You have a lot going on for you.

[DaddyLongShanks]

Should I actually tell my W I'll be treated for depression?
About the anti depressants I'm not sure yet. She suggested it to me to go to my primary care physician and talk about my options.

If the wife suggested it let her know you aren't going on any meds for some b.s. she's trying to pull on you. Your not the problem, she is.

Man, you have the perfect drink for martial arts training. You are worth so much more, aren't you? You have to remember your worthy of a good relationship, your worthy of not being cheated on, your worthy of someone who appreciates all that you do for them.

[Complex]

I truly can't forget that I'm not the problem. I'm just a little part of it. She sees me as a weak link still I'm sure. She even told me she's not worthy me. She must have low self esteem.
I have to let her feel that I am the strong person in this whole thing.

I actually wanted to do MMA but ended up signing up at the gym instead to gain some first.

[DaddyLongShanks]

I truly can't forget that I'm not the problem. I'm just a little part of it. She sees me as a weak link still I'm sure. She even told me she's not worthy me. She must have low self esteem.
I have to let her feel that I am the strong person in this whole thing.

I actually wanted to do MMA but ended up signing up at the gym instead to gain some first.

Just box.

[Complex]

By the way, I don't want to protect what she has done. But I know she is better than that. I wouldn't even take her back right now. Not before she realizes what she has done and fully respects me as a person, for who I am and for how good of a person I am.
I'm not putting up with being 2nd choice, other people would've packed their bags and left already. My mom actually keeps pressing the topic "don't let her crush you, your dad would've left a long time ago, don't let her do that to you...."
My situation is unique but I should stand up for my believes like a man. ...love isn't easy. Marriage isn't either. I'm sure there's people in here that WAS is going much crazier than mine. But at least most of them are leaving moving in with OM/OW and separate for real. This limbo thing is killing me.

As much as I want to tell her that I don't think the timing is right, nor will she understand. I need to be more patient, although the limbo is wearing very hard on me.
Thanks for the wake up call tho. I almost lost this "healthy anger" which you could call a boundary that keeps me a) detached b) sane c) a person with feelings that cannot accept too much BS

[Complex]

Is that a normal sitch of feelings I'm going through?
I feel like my whole sitch got so foggy and complicated. Glad that I can open a new one soon.

[Complex]

The inevitable just happened.
My W started an argument. I stayed as calm as possible but I told her I do not respect what she's doing and neither do I that she's lying. She got very very offended. In the heat she seemed to throw everything at me.

I'd say she spoke the truth: OM is out of the pic, since 2 weeks. She 100% values that she would never hook up with anyone while being married. Her love for OM is lost, he is immature, doesn't want to commit neither would she want that right now.
She can NOT be talked to. She is completely out of control. I had to leave, she talks to me in a disrespectful way that I can not accept.


But now the D is basically on the table. This [censored].
Now she wants to talk about the living situation and finances and everything.
I told her I'm not going to talk about this right now. She keeps pushing and pushing. It's very hard.
I urged her to please sleep over it and we discuss everything after we had a nights rest.

This just got intense, but it's not me. Funnily she thinks it's not her either.
So I left the house.

[Complex]

Like everyone here said a long time ago, she wants to play by her rules now.

I wonder...maybe I should've completely avoided this situation. But it was just a question of time. She is very heated and her opinion about me didn't change. Amd I got back to old habits. I wasn't as bad anymore, really tried to control myself. She's such an offensive fighter.

I don't see this going anywhere else than divorce. Now she just wants to make this happen...I gotta see how she will be tomorrow.

Any tips? Did I screw this up or was this just a question of time?