Inside my chrysalis 11

[gan]

I'm with Claire. I don't fell like I can offer much having not gone down this path (yet) but I'm thinking of you, Ss, often. You are sounding so strong and collected, it's great! You're great!!

[uRworthy]

Hey, SS. I dont know him so I cant know whether I like him or not. I dont care about him, though. I care about you.

You know the stuff I see about him...the passive aggressiveness and the thing with the food with your daughter to name a couple of things are why I say he has issues.

Those things, coupled with the way you feel/felt about yourself, dont make me think too highly of the kind of person he seems to be.

But as I said, he doesnt matter to me, you do...and you are doing great.

[Ss06]

I woke up feeling scared and angry. Really scared.

I'm afraid of being completely destitute while he drives around in his Tesla.

I was filling out a form yesterday and it asked for an emergency contact for me. I have no one.

This is all quite terrifying.

I need a good job.

[raliced]

I'm at work and can't really give a lengthy response, but you do not need to be terrified. I'm no expert on divorce law but I can tell you won't end up destitute. you been married for over 10 years so you'll also have some additional protections that I don't have in my circumstance.

I know you're working on talking to a lawyer. I promise you you'll feel better when you do

[Maybell]

WRT to emergency contacts, I'll tell you my plan -- I have a local friend who I trust deeply but who I don't want to give the primary responsibility for medical decisions. I'm going to list her as my immediate emergency contact so I have someone on the spot if I need help, and I'm going to give her the contact information for my brother & sister-in-law. They live several states away but I trust them to make important decisions for me if I'm incapacitated. (it happens that my friend is an estate attorney who will draw up my will post-divorce, so she'll also have a fiduciary responsibility for me... something to consider if you don't have anyone local that you trust to be an emergency intermediary).

I'm also specifically going to give my brother medical power of attorney since I know my parents have a very different set of values if I'm permanently incapacitated.

Don't eat the elephant. There are solutions for every worry, I'm finding.

[Lorelai]

SS, you are going to be OK. I know exactly what you're feeling. I wake up like this a lot. In fact, my doctor temporarily prescribed me sleeping pills so I wouldn't constantly wake up in a panic and not be able to go back to sleep. In the book happens all the time the author said she would never have gotten through her divorce without ambien. Might be something to try.

I'm looking for a good job too. I've started putting a ton of feelers out there. I know it's easier to find something if you know someone. In fact, I'm slowly opening up a little to colleagues now about the situation so they understand the urgency of my needing full-time employment in my field. Not sure if you're a Seinfeld/Curb fan, but I laugh a little sometimes because it makes me think of what Larry David would do in this situation. He would totally use it to his advantage to get out of events he didn't want to attend, etc. I'm not saying be manipulative, it's just a thought that makes me laugh during this icky situation.

[uRworthy]

Hey sweetie, I know this is scary stuff. One day I will tell you what happened with me..and I am ok. You will be, too.

First of all, you have to be proactive. You cant do that from a place of fear.

You have a long term marriage, a young child and have been out of the workforce. There are responsibilities on his part.

I know not being able to think about an emergency contact made you feel alone and Im sorry.

So, have you called lawyers? Have you written down your questions?

Time to start thinking about how you can make some extra money to squirrel away. Are there things of yours that you can sell. Do you have any skills that can bring in some cash?

Right now, you have to get into survival, business mode. I do think seeing a lawyer will put your mind at ease some.

Do you have any family? Im sorry, I dont remember if you did.

You will get through this, S. We will be right here.

[Ss06]

Ok, talked to an atty today. Just called to set up an appointment and was put through immediately. Talked about the basics. Have a consult scheduled for Friday at noon with him and two others in the office. He has worked with people in the film industry so he knows how residuals and royalties work. He also said that unless stbx is hiding money I won't be destitute.

I am gathering financial docs that represent things now and he wants to see what things looked like in July. No problem. He also suggested I secure my "evidence" so I'm burning a cd of those photos and sending it off to my BFF. I am putting together questions. Lots of questions. He said that luckily stbx seems good with mediation (he'd hoped for that in July when he left) which makes things much easier.

He suggested I not tell stbx that I'm getting professional advice. To go to the meeting with H to gather information and to listen, just as you all suggested. He stated his firm is not interested in starting burning fires but are more solution oriented which ends up making the client happier and it's often less expensive.

What do you all think?

Still more to look at, of course but for a first lawyer call, I feel better.

UR, I have a few things I can sell. I'm not sure where to begin with that but yes.

I got an email from that one job I really want. It's highly irregular but basically it says there were 300 applicants, I am among the applicants still being considered but other applicants have been selected for the first round of interviews. If they feel the need to interview additional people, I may be contacted.

WHA?

So strange but I'll keep hopeful. I am perfect for this job. Not many people know photoshop the way I do... Anyway... Hopeful.

Also, my closest living relative lives in Boston (little bro). I have no relationship with my parents. I have an elderly aunt in Delaware and my older brother lives in Ireland. Yeah. I'm pretty alone.

[Maybell]

Listen, I had been living here not quite five months at BD. Fourteen months when he moved out. Nearest relative is 600 miles away. But you know what?

I AM ENOUGH.

YOU ARE TOO.

Your little brother is good moral support. Your BFF cares about you. You have or will make friends who will support you one way or another -- be open to the unlikeliest people.

You sound strong, resolved, organized. You will be amazing.

Hugs, Ss.

[Karma12]

Ss you will feel so much better after you get legal advice. When I went through my first divorce I was petrified. I had four young children to support. Once I knew what my rights were I calmed down. I know what it's like when you feel like your whole world has been turned upside down. Take it one day at a time.