Toots is moving forwards..

[Vanilla]

Toots

Just checking in with you and making sure my lovely Toots is getting plenty of GAL!

V

[Sotto]

Hello V, thanks for checking in. Yes, a couple of GAL activities for me this weekend. I went to a calligraphy workshop all day Saturday. Really enjoyed that. Yesterday was a big 'catch up on jobs' day - did 3 loads of washing, cleaned out the car etc.

I also went to see my Mum, who had dementia and is in respite care this week, whilst Dad is away for a break. She is always very pleased to see me. Her whole face lights up and she grabs a hold of me. Yesterday, she was sitting next to a lovely lady called Evelyn. I say she's lovely, because she said to me 'you're beautiful, you are.' Very nice, because I truly wasn't looking my best. I said "thank you very much" to her, and she said "don't thank me, I'm just being honest with you." Gave me a bit of a boost...

Sunday nights I go to Aqua Aerobics, which is good fun. All ladies, and we gallop around the pool using big foamy objects for various things. All very undignified, but good for a laugh. Working from home this morning, and volunteering at the charity bookstore later. Today I get to cash up! V - the end of the month is just around the corner now....just a few more days, and then will you get to take a little time off??

[twinmom]

Toots, what does cash up mean?

[Sotto]

Hi Twin mom. Cashing up involved emptying the till, completing our 'takings' paperwork and banking the money. It all went smoothly today!

[Vanilla]

Twin

Its quite big cheese stuff, one of the most important and responsible jobs in the shop. I know because I have clients who cant do this properly.

Toots

Yes, I surely am, rest will be de rigour for a couple of days.

Vanilla

[Sotto]

Well, not much happening in my sitch lately. Since my chat with H 10 or so days ago, we've had NC. I have been pretty busy. Done lots of bookshop volunteering as the boss is away this week. Also enjoying my new yoga class, have continued with aqua aerobics and calligraphy....working, looking after Mum etc..

Had a chat with my boss today. He has decided to let their other freelancer go, but he thinks there should be work for me for some months to come - good news for me. I have been writing some HR policies for them (my field). But their finance director liked my (policy writing) style and suggested I may want too help them out too...Good news, because she was querying his expenditure on 'me' recently.

Goodness me, there seem to have been bombs dropping all over the forum recently. Maybe that's usual for January? A few people have written about '6 monthers' and I identify with the comments. I do think you start to turn a corner at this point. For me, as H & I have so little contact, it is easier not to feel 'attached.' We have had no R as such, for a good while now. And part of me finds it hard to even imagine being M to him again. If he were sitting here on the couch smiling at me, that might be different though.

I have also got to the point where I feel less 'in crisis' and am enjoying aspects of my single life. I feel lonely sometimes, but I think you just need to keep connecting with others, and planning things, doing GAL etc. It is nice to only have 'me' to think of for a while.

So, I guess I'm doing okay for now - but I'm also conscious that 'my turn' is probably just around the corner.....

[Ontheup]

Hey

Good on you toots. Your life sounds busy which is great. I think about the 6 month mark and wonder where I'll be. Not here anyway. I feel a bit better each day but with some hard weeks ahead I know it won't be easy.

Lot of bombs going off. I think your right, it's that time of year. I'm glad I didn't find out till after Xmas. It would have been ruined.

Keep up the good work. I'm sure you'll handle any curve balls thrown with the grace you have already

[Complex]

Glad to hear toots. It sounds like NC is going well for you and you are doing a good job taking care of yourself.
I wish I could say the same of myself. Living with W under one roof doesn't make it easy but I'm hanging in there. Today first time contact W's family in over 6 weeks. Dinner at her grandmas. I'm a little scared...doesn't help detachng but if I'm strong I'll benefit from it.

[edz]

Hi toots

Yes January hasn't been the most fun month it seems. I believe its also noted as the least "cruel" month for potential was's to go, personally dont think any such thing is possible but there we are.

As to sitches here yup there's been some cr@ppy developments and some drama and angst, enough of me this week though....

Hang in there toots you're doing fab, never question the smooth sailing moments doesn't mean there's a storm ahead always!

[Sotto]

As you may recall, when we S, I left our marital home and stayed with my parents for a 5 months before renting this flat. We have a family home and a business flat in the city - both of which H use atm. Neither are in locations where I want to be right now.

H paid me some cash for a 6 month rental, and told me I need to be self sufficient after that. Apart from that comment, he's been pretty helpful about money, and we still have an active joint account that only he pays into and I use on a modest basis with his agreement. I have funds for another 9-12 months or so of renting.

I'm working on a freelance basis for old friends, which has been great. The earnings are covering my non-rent living expenses. The work is flexible and I'm enjoying it. It keeps my hand in professionally - but means I don't have to do my usual 'stressful' work for a bit. Plus, what I'm doing will 'read' well if/when I look for more permanent work.

I know returning to my 'home town' where I was born, and near my parents, has been good emotionally for me. I don't know how I would have coped otherwise. In hindsight, I'm also glad that SS hasn't been disrupted from his weekend home.

But, the clock is ticking. Financially, I'd like to be in a position to buy somewhere later this year. But I'm worried about opening up the money discussion with H, as it may lead to the D discussion. Equally, it feels unfair for him to remain in our marital home, which we bought and own 50/50 in the longer term.

So, it's a bit of a push (financial), pull (emotional) situation and I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to push for financial reasons if I'm not emotionally ready. Equally, I don't want to be financially insecure in the much longer term. L advice is that we could seek to agree S terms, but the only way to 'force' a settlement of £ matters is through D proceedings. Any thoughts?