There is only one absolute rule in any of this - DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE without talking to a lawyer/soliciter. Ive seen many men end up paying the mortgage, bills and child support for the marital home for YEARS after they moved out, and OM moved in. It is the single worst action you can undertake.
As for everything else, as you have seen, different sites and counselors have very different strategies. If you look at the DB and MB forums, you see two opposite extremes on almost every position. While I think there are things to take and learn from both, for someone in the thick of this looking for guidance, I believe you need to pick one strategy and stick to it.
As far a exposure/lying for your spouse. On the MB forum they are gung-ho for over the top exposure. In DB, exposure is basically a no-no. Personally, I fall in the middle. I would never lie for a cheating spouse, and I think the AP's spouse and your own family always deserve the truth. Ive gone through a lot of cases, and I firmly believe that its the lies, especially the old ones that are most damaging to everyone.
Still thinkig about the exposure stuff. Woke early and couldnt sleep. My wife has text me this morning. The Coun has come back to her. Says she can fit her in today as it she seems to be in such a crisis. I have no idea what she she mailed to the coun. She rang me asking if she should go. I just said if it was me i would.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
interesting take on leaving marital home from allen a few years back
When you LEAVE the HOME and EMPTY it of your things and tell the WS that you will return when your marriage is SAFE again it has an OVERWHELMING impact on the WS...
"Empty homes resonate in the heat of the WS... they can SEE what they are doing... they can SEE they are driving their family away...
Why sit there in the home .. it just sends a message "we will be here waiting for you when you decide to come back..."
THAT is the WRONG message to be sending to a WS"
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
Yeah, I remember having a healthy debate with Allen about that when he posted it. He actually began to persuade me to that way of thinking -- I do think it has some merit. I would however, NOT, EVER, do that without FIRST consulting with a good family law attorney, to make sure that your moving out can't be used against you legally in an "abandonment" action.
