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As you keep telling me in my thread, you'll be fine, HP. Keep putting those boundaries in place. You did an amazing job not showing your son the crying and reassuring him. Children are brilliant, and he knows what you were doing, but the strength you showed him will help him move forward.


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
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In theory things may be easier when W has her own space. Certainly S12 may be happier than visiting aunts. Lovely though aunt may be although living in some one else's space will be limiting and restrictive.

If I were W then I believe it would make a difference to me with my own front door and place to be with S12. Even a broom cupboard would give breathing room.

You did well HP.

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Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
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Hp the set back helped you know you are not detached and also that your ex is very confused. Know that you obviously mean something to her. She is not healthy and therefore not safe to be emotionally vunerable to.


Me 52 H 44
T9 M 5
BD 12/11 H
split 8/12
OW moved in 12/12
OW gone for good 6/14
We get closer again 9/14
SD 13 Me 4 Grown





Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
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Thank you Starsky, Squiggy, Vanilla, and Karma. The talk with my IC yesterday was helpful and I'm grateful for it. The boundary for her mixed messages was great yes. I noted a little fear around it... like the time I stood up to XW when she offered the couples weekend.

Her saying she missed me was something I wanted. I wanted to reward her for saying she thinks of me and misses me with more contact. I hoped that would bring her closer to me. All that was wrong. Again she just wants me to cooperate.

She sent me a text yesterday. Now that she's close to getting her own place, she says she can't pay her part of S12's tuition like she agreed b/c her expenses are more than mine. She asks me about child support... "If you don't feel able to do this with me then do you want to use a lawyer?"

As usual, I'm not going to mention a lawyer. I'm just going to remind her she already agreed to this. Something like... "Hello XW. Understand your making your $xxx tuition payment as you agreed is difficult for you at this time. I know you will figure out a way. Thank you XW."

Lawyer told me, if she tries to get child support from me, the text and email evidence of her A could prevent that in this state. I don't want to pay for her blowing up our family. She makes money. She'll have to adjust her expenses.

I'm much better this morning. Working to not feel disappointed about this refocusing on my XW and not being as detached as I thought. There's nothing I can do now to bring her closer. Regarding her... I can only show strength right now.

So, even though I thought this would be a week of minimal contact, I'm back to standing up to XW. I'll remember to be loving.

Last Monday I put my wedding ring back on. I symbol of my faith things will work out between us. I do miss my XW and I want a new R with her. I don't see how that happens. Just trying to focus on faith.

Onward.


Me: 44
W: 45
S: 11
Married: 15
Together: 18
BD: 9/29/2014
OM discovered: 10/16/2014
I left her behind: 12/14/2014
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Originally Posted By: HPoirot
Lawyer told me, if she tries to get child support from me, the text and email evidence of her A could prevent that in this state. I don't want to pay for her blowing up our family. She makes money. She'll have to adjust her expenses.


Wait a minute, HP. Child support or alimony? What's her A got to do with your kid? I'm not saying she shouldn't have to tighten up her belt and I'm not saying she shouldn't pay her fair share. Just make sure your child isn't being used as a pawn in a financial struggle. I'm sure you won't. smile



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Rppfl, as I understand, he has his son with him at least as much as she does, so any child support is out of the question IMO.

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But the issue he brought up wasn't time sharing, it was the fact that W had an A.



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In my state, marital misconduct has no effect on child custody or support. As always it's best to check with a good family law attorney.


Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
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Hello all. In my state, with proof of infidelity, alimony/child support does get denied. I have proof. I have a lawyer's advice. I won't fund her blowing up our family.

My XW did not anticipate me taking my money from her. She makes her own money and is already spending more than she can afford. Her expenses are b/c of her decisions and are hers to take care of.

I have also had our son 85% of days at least b/c of my XW's living conditions and money issues. I left the home we were living in with our son.


Me: 44
W: 45
S: 11
Married: 15
Together: 18
BD: 9/29/2014
OM discovered: 10/16/2014
I left her behind: 12/14/2014
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Posts: 1,656
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Originally Posted By: HPoirot
Hello all. In my state, with proof of infidelity, alimony/child support does get denied. I have proof. I have a lawyer's advice. I won't fund her blowing up our family.

^^^^this is exactly why it is important to know your rights. The laws vary from state to state. Good for you HP.

I am glad that you are doing better today. It is always a process.


Me:45 ExW:48
M:04/97
3 Bombs & 2 ReCons
1st BD 11/10
D Finalized 4/20
D-16 S-14
Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
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