Part 9 - Contents May Become Mildly Amusing

[edz]

Hi Jim

Pm all switched off in the forum and our rules say no posting links so it invites a ban and I dont want to lose you all supposed to be able to set up a private forum as well but not seen that working either heyho just have to keep bits to myself for now suppose.

Suppose its all fear really got this far will get further the more I go on and especially hearing what i did its sounding like any romantic relation won't be with w and then I have to decide is it just coparenting or is there room for friendship again....tricky today since I also feel horrible anyway although better than I did this morning!

[jim0987]

Its a double blow since your feeling rough anyway but having said that i was really ill at new year and that was probably the most detached i've been from my situation. Glad your feeling better than you did.

But based on your cryptic clues I now think your wife has joined a convent

I get the fear, right now i'm racked with it because my wife is elsewhere and in my head she is no doubt revelling in be free of me and telling everyone how lucky she is to have got out and horrible i am, while at the same time she is pursuing all her various love interests. The reality is she has got in from work put the kids to bed, probably feels a bit bored and lonely and is also probably stuck in her phone doing whatever she has been doing on it for the last 4 months (i'd love to know just because i have no clue how I would entertain myself like that. This forum has exponentially increased my online time - I wonder if she posts somewhere........).

Anyways back to you.

The fear is there i get that. I keep saying this but its something that has really speaks to me - at the root of us are two core emotions that drive our behaviour love and fear. I could get all Eric Cantona here but i will resist that urge.

So whats in that fear, If you let go more and really do move on what is the worst that could happen?

then I have to decide is it just coparenting or is there room for friendship again

So having said that - what do you see as the best kind of coparenting?

go with me on this for a sec.... Obviously i dont know what you heard but lets say for a second its true and means you are absolutely 100% done with the idea of a romantic relationship, what would be next best for edz and your son? what would your relationship with your wife look like in that circumstance?

The decision for a romantic relationship is something you both have to make and be willing to try for. What you have to decide for you is whether the door is still open to it and you have to decide whether you are going to wait by the door or whether you will do something else in the meantime.

Its one of those disappointing realties that in relationship terms NO has a lot more power than YES.

I have to decide

Just repeating this quote. you do have to make decisions but not necessarily now (again depends what the info is and if its true). What you've been doing seems to be improving your relationship with your wife, on whatever basis, and in turn you are getting a better relationship with your son, including longer stays. To my limited external perspective thats all good.

The only decision you need to make right now is do you want to act differently based on what you heard or are you comfortable to continue and let what will be, be?

Sorry i've rambled a bit here, but i've typed it now so i'm going to go with it

[Sotto]

Hello lovely Edz. I'm so sorry you're having a rough time, and that you don't feel well either. Everything always seems so much worse when you feel under the weather too.

I think Jim is right here Edz. Ultimately, you will decide what you want to do, and what you can and can't live with. When I learned (from a mutual friend) that H had decided our R was over, I was devastated. I couldn't believe that he would let me learn that third hand, and just didn't see how we could ever overcome that. He still hasn't told me and we are 3 months further on now!

I felt that way for a while, but then things settle, you read some more stuff, realise this kind of behaviour isn't uncommon, and maybe it might not be a dealbreaker after all.

Maybe just give yourself some time for things to settle and for you to process what you have learned. Also, it helps me to think of my H as frightened, confused and lost, rather than mean and uncaring, when I'm ruminating on his behaviour and the impact it has had on me.

Glad you feel a little better this evening. You know we're all rooting for you..

Toots x

[edz]

Hi all
Thanks for the postings, have a headache still but getting there.

[jim0987]

Hope your feeling better today

[gan]

Hello Edz, If I'm not mistaken you were working from home not so long ago because you were sick, then you got food poisoning and now you are sick again, correct? Tis the season over there I guess, but I hope you're taking care of yourself. The sleepless nights probably aren't helping. Hope you get better quick smart!

[edz]

Hi ganb8te

Yup I think the bug never really went and I kept going so ended up being sick.. Bit of a downturn last week w behaviour confusing me. Set the info to one side and setting what happens for now. Unless I decided to move on completely is not making any difference to the sitch unless she talks to me about it.

I feel a little lost this week for some reason. Not sure why lots going well, lots the same and good time with s.

Mmmmm... Must do better.

[Vanilla]

Edz

If your body is feeling low then your mind may be so too.

Rest up dear heart and recover your voosh. Some gorgeous music and a cup of hot toddy with lemon.

Put W behaviour into the filed away category of your mind and press the Edz snooze button, the BFT by your side.

All will be well in due course.

V

[edz]

Thanks v

Hop on over to the new thread update on me at the mo there