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kat727 Offline OP
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Can you see me beaming through the computer?

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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Absolutely!


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

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kat727 Offline OP
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Things for the most part are going well. I am totally working lots of hours!! But you have to do what you have to do right?

Anwen is still adorable and is 2 weeks old today. I wish I had more time with her but I know they have to get their routine and I am trying to let them settle in to it. smile

I made an appointment to get my hearing checked as it is getting harder to hear my girls. They speak softly. Then on Thursday I am having the back room of my house checked. Might replace windows, don't know yet.

If you aren't changing, you are just standing still.

kat


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The more I am reading, I am thinking d14 has Aspergers. She has always been different but I have always been busy with s19. Now really able to focus more on her, I don't think of it as her just being shy.

She doesn't like people for the most part, she doesn't understand the work that goes into keeping friendships going, and she just lacks in social skills. She needs things in a certain order for her, not that I have ever done anything like that for her. She prefers certain people, doesn't understand much about humor on deeper levels and spends alot of time in her own world.

She is smart as a whip and is very sweet. I am not hoping she has this, it just makes sense.

kat


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You know, Kat, my oldest son (28) was not diagnosed with Asperger's until he was in college. He's very extroverted, but cannot read social cues, is super nerdy, and gets very anxious.

It was not as big a problem when he was high school, because he was in a special program for gifted kids, many of whom also had Asperger's traits. In college his best friend and room mate actually had way worse Asperger's than my son!

As he's gotten older, he has struggled a bit more, as he lags behind his peers in milestones. He did finally have a real-life not-online girlfriend last year though! And when she turned out to be crazy as a bedbug, he handled her with great maturity. As he has learned more about his condition, he has gained some insight into what goes wrong in his social interactions, and he tries to modify his behaviors, with some limited success.

What I would recommend for your daughter:
- vitamin D. Look up the Vitamin D council for some interesting research on vit D deficiency and autism spectrum disorders.
- gluten-free diet. This has been very helpful to my son.
- find a book called Helping the Child who doesn't fit in - exercises to help improve skills like reading social cues
- find her a group of peers - what saved my son as a kid was being in this program with other similar brilliant kids, where he could relax and be himself
- when she goes to college, she may need more support than you realize. We thought since my son was so smart he would do fine in college - unbeknownst to us, his social anxiety really kept him from finding study buddies, from asking the right questions to get services, and he became seriously depressed and had to drop out for a while.
- karate was great for my son as a kid, gave him the physical confidence o withstand bullies.
- if I had it to do over again, knowing what I do now, I would have focused more on helping him acquire unique work skills. He's finally graduating with a degree in history this year, but that won't likely get him a good job despite being from a prestigious university. Many paths are not open to him due to his Asperger's issues (he can't become a schoolteacher, for instance, as he lacks the social skills to deal with students and parents. He can't do sales.) He still needs to acquire some unique technical skills that could get him a better paying job. That's our next challenge once he finally graduates. (Right now he works the night shift stocking shelves at the local grocery store.)

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Quote:
She prefers certain people, doesn't understand much about humor on deeper levels


At 28, my son is finally learning how to crack jokes that other people get! He and my boyfriend rib each other all the time.

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Ellie,

What a great post on your observations and sharing what worked for your S28. I can tell you were one of those parents I'd have loved to absorb the knowledge from... and I'm glad you finally understand the why.

I have a few friends with kids with the Aspergers part of the spectrum. Kat, that's very intuitive of you. From what you wrote, you're probably right in your armchair diagnosis. One of my friends whose D17 is an Aspergers kiddo has had a lot of luck by getting her into a group of supportive peers. BTW, her mom is the first one who came to me to ask if I could help her get a divorce like mine... she's in your shoes. Her D17 graduates in May and I need to hook up with her to get the skinny. What I do know is that she advocated for her D17 when it came down to interviewing schools.

My chiropractor also has a D20 with Aspergers. She's got some mental health issues on top of them, which make her path even more difficult. BUT, she's at CU at the moment, and they have a wonderful mentoring program to help these kids focus and stay on track. Heck, she even has a peer call her an hour before class and walk to class with her.

Ellie, I totally love that martial arts suggestion. I've heard so many good things about it from lots of folks - it instills focus and discipline and the rewards are observable and achievable.

And another someone I know has an adult son who sounds a lot like Ellie's S28. This kiddo went to technical school and is now an appliance repairman. He has enough social skills to talk to homeowners with respect, courtesy and friendliness, but his job success is not hinged on those characteristics (like teaching or sales). His job is to repair their malfunctioning appliances. Apparently, he's really good at that job. And he also is congratulated for having the most organized van in their fleet.

Someone else has a daughter who is a vet tech. Animals respond well to those kiddos, and the vet is the one who is doing the heavy social interaction. Her job is very specific and rewarding. I think there is a lot you can do to find jobs and/or vocational training that include socialization, but the bulk of the job is performing specific tasks that are measurable and are the focus of the job itself.

My special needs kiddo is going to have to have the opposite: a job that is heavily social and not reliant on specific skills. Once we get through this transition to 18, I think we'll go through the volunteer training at the Dumb Friends League. She did really well at the humane society, but that's kind of far. She needs to be around people, but the animals are what she needs to feel happy and fulfilled. I'm starting to realize that I'm working myself up to a completely different life as well. Only this time around, I really like the thought of being the push behind her success.

Anyhoo, hope you can get some specific areas to work on. Ellie's list is pretty thorough...


"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

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kat727 Offline OP
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Thanks Ellie and Bets. I have just been trucking along. Now that I have actually said it, it seems more obvious. I still have a full plate but will read up on options.

I have a dr appointment today, so I have a bit more time to get ready. Taking a quick cat nap.

kat


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S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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Kat, you know Marc is an Aspie kid too. It's amazing that her teachers didn't recognize the queues earlier but what you describe certainly does sound like a low-end of the spectrum disorder.

Marc is brilliant....when he wants to be.....but he is also awkward in situations and used to want to be by himself a lot. He had social skills classes from 2nd grade until his junior year of high school to help train him how to interact and it certainly helped.

Do you know if her school has social skills classes? Does she have an IEP in place already for anything?


T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43
bomb12/4/07
PA5/07
S12/26/07
D final 11/17/08
Back together with no defined R 05/2010
confused....to say the least!!!

Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 10,326
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kat727 Offline OP
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D14 has always been a little off but I never thought too much of it, just wrote it off as her being shy. When I mentioned to my parents the other day that I was pretty sure she had Aspergers, they said we have told you that for years! (NOT!!) they said walking on tip toes can be a pre cursor for autism, that is not telling me that they thought she had Aspergers.

Anyway, she seems to function fairly well with the other 4 of us, that I suppose I didn't really notice the other signs too much. She just mentioned to me how she likes things in a certain order. Again I mentioned that to my parents months ago and they are like where have you been? Worrying about all four of my kids and of course S19 was my biggest concern the past few years with his sneaking out, cutting class...I just wanted him to graduate and then Anwen happened.

Besides she has been getting straight A's forever and rarely gave me any issues, her Aspergers wasn't shouting out to me. I feel bad that I didn't notice earlier.

kat


Me-53(and learning!)
S24, S21, D18, D17
Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
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