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She does have a rather well paying job. That is why I have kept account joined so far cause she usually makes plenty for herself and more. Most of mine goes to bills lol. Almost all of mine as a matter of fact.

Last edited by brokenM; 01/27/15 11:27 PM.

RysingMan

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How would I go about expressing to my W my expectations and my displeasure with her being with OM while she is supposed to be finding herself. Or should I just let it be and let my actions show her I am able to move on without her.
No words. Only actions.

She has fired you as her H. She knows you're not happy about that. There's nothing you can say to make her change her mind right now.

I'm glad you're buying some new clothes. Looking your best will help you feel your best. Saw where you said you're buying a cologne your W loves. Re-consider: Think about buying a NEW cologne. You want to be "mysterious." You want to leave her with a "question mark" or two in her mind. Why would you buy a cologne SHE loves when you're out, creating a NEW life? If you KNOW she loves a certain cologne and you start wearing it again all of a sudden, she's going to know you're after HER ... or, at the very least, *thinking* of HER. Nothing wrong - in fact there's *everything* RIGHT - with making your W wonder why you switched colognes all a sudden. You want to leave her guessing about what you're doing. You are moving on with your life, remember? This is a new chapter. Out with the old (cologne); in with the NEW! wink

Confident, assured, decisive while being upbeat and "neighborly" to W.

I got home and she had left me a massage on the fridge saying she needed time to pack for her school trip this coming week. I said that Wednesday is the only day good for me, because I will be out a little late so she could have her time ... i did not leave any room for debate, I was not rude but I just didn't leave it open ended; was this ok.
Yes. I think you handled that perfectly. The reference to "being out a little late" - and leaving it at that - was brilliant. Any chance you could be home when she first gets there? In your new clothes - and new cologne - looking like a million dollars - upbeat - excited about your "plans" - smiling a lot - and in a hurry to get to a mysterious place where you will be "out a little late"? (I don't care if it's just to the gas station or a friend's house while W is at the house. But don't return until you know she's long gone! You want to leave HER guessing about where you're going ... and even who you're getting all dressed up for.)

Also, what's the arrangement with the house? You said she is staying with OM while she says she's "finding herself" (pfft). But she obviously has her things at the house because she has to stop by there tomorrow to pack for a school trip. You said she left a note for you on the fridge last night. Is she coming and going as she pleases even though she's spending the nights in OM's bed?

That wouldn't sit well with me. First, you shouldn't feel you have to leave the house you're paying for when she needs to stop by. A level of discomfort is a natural consequence of her actions. YOU don't need to create an upheaval in your own life and schedule to accommodate her "comfort" anymore. (But I wouldn't want you sitting at home when she stops by, either, since you're out GAL with mysterious people at mysterious places ... and enjoying your new life.)

I dunno. When my H left, I packed all his sh!t and put it on the front porch. And I immediately changed the locks. I don't know if you are ready to go to that extreme, or even if it's the smartest move. (It was the smartest move for ME at the time, but it might not be in every case, obviously.)

If your W just "dropping by" ends up being a problem, let's be sure to revisit this. I mean, let's think about this: if YOU had left ... and W was living in the house, carrying on her shenanigans with OM ... she wouldn't want YOU just dropping in on a whim. You might bust up on her "private time"! Why shouldn't you demand the same courtesy? She at least should be asking you if she can stop by on a certain day, at a certain time. You said she asked about Wednesday. But the note-on-the-fridge last night is throwing me off. Can you clarify how you two are working all that?


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She does have a rather well paying job. That is why I have kept account joined so far cause she usually makes plenty for herself and more. Most of mine goes to bills lol. Almost all of mine as a matter of fact.

Okay, so is she still putting all of her money in the joint account? Which of you actually sits down to pay the bills each month? If it's W, do you know all the information to be able to access the account?

If your income has been paying most of the bills and she, therefore, has the "extra" money, it wouldn't surprise me if SHE ends up splitting the accounts. (She obviously isn't going to want you having access to what she's spending "her" money on.)

Again, I just don't feel qualified or experienced enough to advise you on this. So take this for what it's worth. Seems to me that if you're paying all the bills and you split the accounts, or she yanks her money from the joint account, you are left with all the bills and little extra income while she's going to end up with an abundance of money - and no bills - while she's having an A.

If you guys are living apart, seems to me you guys should be splitting the bills, proportional to your pay??? But I could be thinking about this from the perspective of a PARENT and not a spouse with no kids ...

All I know is you need to protect yourself financially and be sure that if W pulls her money, you will be okay.

Starsky!!!! (Lol.)


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Train, Thank you so much for the good advice I never thought of it like that. I have just the cologne I'm gonna wear. Your right out with the old in with the new. I have to say this whole ordeal has done wonders in the body department. I came back thick benching 380 lbs and weighing 220 now I'm 193 and trim, I'm in cloths I have not been in since we first met. Super excited about that. I will do my best to be home that day or " " leaving for my out late night. Great idea.

We have a set time every day she is allowed to come over. We have two dogs and they adore her. So from 5-6 she is allowed there but she does come and go while I am at work. Never pops in when I am home. Should I change that up? I did take our pictures off the walls and moved into my man cave instead of our bedroom still.

She has kept her money in a shared account with me. I can complete access of all accounts and credit cards. So far things seem the norm. I will post about my day today in a few thank you so much.


RysingMan

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Today was a super tough day. some stupid glitch with our phone accounts started sending her texts to my phone. OM was all emo telling her he was to spend forever traveling and doing acrobatics with her. And other sexual things, and I could stop them from coming in. Right when I thought it was over and things were calming down I got the news my half siblings dad passed today. So super tough day.

I sent W an email about it and she said she wished she could go with me to visit them. (That really hurt to read) she then said just give her the dates and she will book my flight. I said that is ok I will book it myself just let me know what credit card you want me to use since your traveling for school as well. I asked her if she was still following through withvour previous plans to hit Vegas and Seattle after her required school time. She said Vegas no but yes to seattle. I said I hope you have a blast and eat tons of chowder and crab salad for me. And that I was thinking about using our timeshare and hitting Vegas on the way back from the family. she was responding to emails until this last correspondence.

Do,you think I crossed the line.

Also a little background on W and I, we met in Seattle. And we go every year to visit and reKindle that feeling we get when we are there together. Why would she be going alone. Then I realized the Seattle trip is from Friday to monday. And he is probably going to meet her there. not sure if it's good or bad. We have so so many memories there. Is she really going to try and replace them?

At a total loss for that one.

Thank you


RysingMan

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Yes, I do think you crossed over into "PURSUING" territory there. Stand down, soldier!


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A great piece of advice once given to me: Don't seek comfort from the very person who's causing you the most pain right now.


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Thanks, didn't even intend to. This stuff is tough when your just getting going.


RysingMan

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Just gotta keep My eye on the end result. I want my best friend and love of my life back! I need to move back to alpha zone and dig in for the long haul.


RysingMan

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Originally Posted By: brokenM
Just gotta keep My eye on the end result. I want my best friend and love of my life back! I need to move back to alpha zone and dig in for the long haul.


If best friend was a male, and he conspired with another male and had you robbed. You were robbed of some hard work and dignity that you had along the way.

How easy would it be to regain trust? This is what is going on here. Friends can make mistakes, but they will not keep making mistakes that are detrimental to you.

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