Am I crazy?

[C24]

I've taken off my wedding ring but am wondering if I should continue to wear it to show that I still want my marriage? Any thoughts?

H is still with OW and will be back in 2days. He he already said I can message or phone him anytime. I have only been messaging after he initiates but don't want to come across as too aloof either. I know he he still wants me in his life and is having a hard time letting go.

[Sotto]

Hi C24, have a look on Barry's sitch. There have been recent discussions there about wearing/not wearing your ring. The main thing I would say is, make a personal choice for you and don't think about a possible reaction from your H.

Toots x

[C24]

Thanks Toots. I am slowly learning to do what's best for me (and the kids). Had a great weekend with my children and H heard about from me D and said he was happy for me.

Came across this quote today and printed 3 copies so I can always see it:

You have to accpet whatever comes, and the only important thing is that you meet it with the best you have to give!!

[C24]

Another turning point...H is supposes to come home today after 5dyas with OW. I planned to continue with DB and living together but stopping ML.

I was paying bills on-line last night and saw he has spent about $150 of our money while with the OW. Now he isn't working but I so angry over this and not sure if I can keep it together when I see him.

Thinking about D again which makes me feel like I am flip flopping as I made the decision to stand by him, love him and see this through.

Any advice out there on how to handle this and my thoughts?

[C24]

Just got some legal advise. Not only is H entitled to spousal support but to my pension. H has carved out a good life for himself and I am left feeling very depressed and not knowing how I am going to get out of this mess he created.

[C24]

It's been over a week since my last post so I thought I'd better update. I'm finding it helpful to read my old posts and that I have documented my journey so far.
H and I have been enjoying time together, meals, walks, etc..but so hard not knowing what his plans are with the OW and what he is saying to her.
H said he is stilling trying to sort out that I am his BF and his wife and where to draw the line in this love triangle.
H is spending V day with me so I am trying not to let this get my hopes up.
I need to detach more as I think I might be smoothering him with my attention (this was one of the 180s because I had not been emotionally available). This will be hard to do as it is the opposite of what I want to do.

[4mendmj]

Hang in there C24. Trying is the hardest part.

[C24]

Feeling like I've taken 2 steps backwards. Yesterday it slipped that I told my mother we were having problems and he questioned my credibility as he had previously suggested we wait to tell my parents that we have "seperated" after asking if I had said anything. Don't know why I didn't tell him then - maybe I was glad he didn't want to say anything yet (false hope?). Anyhow he said he was questioning my credibility. Rest of the evening I could tell I was annoying him quite easily - need to learn to say less. H didn't want me to rub or scratch his back either. I need to detach and see if responds....but it is hard for me to do. I wish this nightmare would end:(

[C24]

H is making plans for Feb 14th dinner as it is our anniversary. He suggested inviting other couples and said it was up to me since it was our anniversary. I said yes but know wondering if I should get a card.

Also I was going to suggest to him that on this day if I could act/pretend that there was no OW. In other words no bounderies and I could act/behave like it the affair was over. I have been thinking lately that to have a day a week were we could do this would be so helpful. Any thoughts?

[Sotto]

Hi C24, you seem to want to start a 'fantasy' that there is no OP - that your H isn't ML to someone else on his 'days off' from you. It feels a bit like the fantasy that the WAS has - oh, this isn't doing any harm, and makes me a better husband actually etc..

I think, rather than having a 'fantasy' that this isn't happening on one day of the week, you may want to engage with the brutal reality of this situation. From where I'm sitting, your H is disrespecting his moral and legal commitment to you, and there are consequences to that. You on the other hand are saying, oh I really don't want to impose any boundaries here - can we just pretend this isn't happening? once a week, can I have a 'day off' and pretend my H isn't in a R with someone else?

C24, if you want to pick up the crumbs that your H chooses to leave for you, go ahead. But remember, your relationship with yourself is more important than your marital relationship. Are you willing to diminish yourself in order to try and hold on? Because that's how it reads to me.