5mo pregnant H wants divorce or to see other women

[Mom22]

Thanks Karma. Its hard to have friends over as i live out of town and most dont have cars. Plus people prefer to come when my H is away as they know we are divorcing and of course are uncomfortable when he s there. So dinners are difficult (and im tired so need bed in time).
When i visit friends i need to borrow my H's car and then i have parking costs. Public transport is 1.5h one way. So in that sense I d be thrilled to move out and be nearer to friends and co workers. :-)
Im really keeping fingers crossed for tomorrows appt near my moms place.

My sisters go to uni in Glasgow. They re from a town nearby. I adore Glasgow!!
Its a great place to live, im sure your S is having a good life there.

[Karma12]

Hi Mom22,

I can understand friends feeling awkward. Maybe then H. Should leave on a night you want to have company? It's only fair if you are basically stuck at home. I bet you are tired! All that stress is not good for you. ((Hugs))

My son works in Edinburgh. He has a really good paying job. Worth taking the train from Glasgow. We are planning on doing a side trip to maybe Greece when I go over. Last time I went we went to Paris for four days. Loved it!!

[Mom22]

So i ve told H i ve found a place i want to offer on. He got all jittery cause Im going so fast. Which is true. But still... He wants to see other women and divorce..!
But fastest i d be out (IF i get accepted and IF my mortgage comes through etc) is half April. Also i said you can come and stay over a few days a week these first months, if you want to be there for us.
We re talking tonight.
Interesting. He wants out but didnt think I d do it this fast....

[Mom22]

So I get home frm my mom with a toddler and 2 big bags but he cant open the door bc he doesnt hear us ringing bc he is on the ps4 with headphones on.
Wants to finish his game (10m) before dropping D off in bed and lets her watch along with his shooting-game!! Ok no sounds as he has headphones but come on! So i intervene and I bring her upstairs and brush her teeth. He s upstairs in time to read her a story. Which i isually do but well we were gone last night.
So we come down and we re supposed to talk about me putting a bid on this house (which he feels is very soon) and custody etc. Doesnt say a word and goesback to the ps4!!!
So i say: arent we going to discuss anything? You wanted to talk right?
Well with effort he decides to only go in for a small round (30min) so that we can start at 8:30. Pfffffff.

[Karma12]

Hi Mom22,

That sounds like avoidant behaviour to me. He said he wants all this but when it comes down to the crunch I bet he gets confused and starts to question himself.

That's great that you found a place! When is baby due? Will you be settled before the birth?

Can you chime in on my lasts posts on Newcomers? Thx. : )

[Mom22]

So we DID talk yesterday. He's going between reasonable and being sad versus unreasonable and blaming me.
He said he was upset I was moving ahead so fast bc if i stayed till after baby us born he'd have much more opportunity to bond with her. Travelling toAmsterdam means travel time but also alot of parking costs (€3,5 ph). True
He did say he had been thinking lately if maybe he shouldnt give this another chance. But when asked he also admitted that he might very well have another affair in 1/2/3 mo, plus he wants to be friends w his AP2 though he admits he might fall for her again. So basically I said thats not something I want to put myself through again. Specially while pregnant and also bc it would mean passing up my chance at a place in a good neighborhood (since tax/interest rate rules change unfavorably for houses bought after June 30'th). He did understand. Though he s always a bit on the edge of feeling like he s being wronged bc of my choice to move back to Amsterdam. Which will require wuite a bit from him. That this is all bc HE wants to divorce and mess around just doesnt sit with him.
I d worked out a schedule where we could both see D parts of the week. But he wants to rearrange bc Tue eves he doesnt want her bc its his most important dance night. Never mind that this makes it very very hard to make sure D has several consecutive nights w each parent (as im off on Fri and my mom vant babydut on Tue). So will have to work arounx that. Plus he s very stressed about how hes going to manage to spend time w her when she stops daycare in our current town and goes to school in Amsterdam. And how he will bond w baby when she csn not spend the nighg at his place gorst few months. So trying to work out a schedule for that too.

[Mom22]

Oh and did say that my moving out didnt mean we couldnt work on us. But that w his current wishes (other women etc) it just didnt seem like a good idea to me,

[kml]

Oh poor guy, having affairs means he loses his family. Who knew?????? How very unreasonable of you to not stay around and make life easy for him. !!

[Karma12]

Oh sure he wants out and has affairs while his Wife is expecting and you are being unfair not moving to suit him?! WTF Is it not amazing the amount of selfishness. Plus the pleas for cake eating. Why can't I have it all. You my kids and all my girlfriends.

You are doing great Mom22 and showing tremulous strength. Get yourself settled before the babe comes. If it's a longer travel for him too bad so sad.

[Mom22]

So today i lost my temper first time in months. He knows Im trying to buy this place near my mom and suddenly during work by txt he suggests we both move but within HIS town. I politely explained this would not improve anything for me but things escalated.
He again accused me of not thinking of the children (!!) by moving to another town bc it'd make it more difficult for them to see him (read: travel time for him). This after I worked out a 50-50 schedule he rejected bc he doesnt want her on Tuesdays (his most important dance lesson days). He difnt even wait to see my new suggestion which freed his Tuesdays.
So 50-50 is not enough if he has to travel. That i travel this time everyday to work bc I live in his town currently is not relevant. Apparently. I am selfish for wanting to move to my mom and friends who will support us while he has no family or friends who can help out in this town. And im also selfish for not giving him another chance while he says he wont be faithful. Probably not even during the pregnancy.
It took a LOT of de escalating but finally he calmed down. I explained I do not want to stay in his house for delivery anyway with things like this and he grudgingly understood. So when baby is here, whether im in his town or mine, he will not see her every day. Thats the consequences of divorce.
In the end he said maybe he should look in to moving to my town too. I am applauding it but i fear if he will truly agree. His house has about €25-30k undervalue. He d have to take that debt with him. Plus my financially afvantagious window for buying is closed July 1st. He s like stalling time.
Pffff. Its HARD!