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Thanks Mom22,

I've done a ton of reading and self growth over my life time. I came from a troubled childhood. My Mother as lovely as she was was a chronic Alcoholic and my Father was stressed, angry and emotionally cold. I had three younger brothers and quickly became the parent child. I from the age of 9 remember cooking and taking care of my younger brothers. I would clean so it looked like my Mum did it and try and keep the peace in the house. My Dad would get violent when my Mother drank. Today we would have all been removed from our home.

My first marriage I tried to fix what my parents did wrong. I didn't marriage a drinker but he had anger issues. I had been conditioned to accepting unacceptable behavior. We had four kids together and when he was losing his temper and putting my children at risk. I left. The final straw was when he threw the kitchen table because he couldn't find his keys. My daughter then three was standing new by and could have been injured. She told everyone " my daddy had to leave because he threw the kitchen table." I didn't want my boys growing up repeating this behavior. I was already emotionally detached. It was not easy and he tried initially to make it as hard as possible for me. I was on my own with four kids 3-9. He behaved like most and begged and pleaded now promising to change. He did eventually get help for his anger when he lost his fiancée ( after we were divorced) due to his anger too. Now he has a good relationship with our kids and is a happier person.

I know that my second H. Did love me. He inside is full of insercurities. I think he also partially envied me. He said to me once " everyone always loves you" and it wasn't said nicely. I know he was depressed before the affair. He had lost his Father ( his only living parent) lost his job, found out his Step Mom robbed the Will. He couldn't cope withdrew took it out on me. I wasn't happy either getting next to nothing emotionally from him. When he met his AP she filled his ego. Like many from that area she just wanted to move to Canada and he was ripe for the picking.

My SD is dealing with all the same things that drove me crazy. Constantly waiting. Waiting for him to have time, real time to spend with her. He'll call her and say he'll be home in ten mins. She knows that means an hour. She knows he's late for everything and everyone. That's also where the ADD comes in. They can get so focused or obsessed with something they are doing they lose all sense of time. For years he spent hours and hours researching law to fight for his daughter. Now he is fighting his STep Mom over his Dad's Will spending hours and hours doing that. His DD died of colon ca and she convinced him to change his Will right before he died. Threatening to leave him if he didn't.

I used to say to H. I don't need a lot but I need something from you. I'm a pretty independent person and would go ahead and do things with or without him. He is going to find himself repeating his same patterns over and over again. He's great at the start of a relationship but is unable to carry through. I said to him you know when I have patients that are really sick and dying they are not calling out for their lap tops. I can tell you Mom22 I have had many sad lonely male patients call out for their ex wife or have their ex wife show up to help them at the end. Very sad pathetic waste of their lives.

I know that I was a good wife. Not perfect by any means but a good wife. I deserved the same in return. I am at peace knowing I did everything possible I could have. I have a sweet little dog named "Charlie" she is always happy to see me and is my cuddle bunny now at night. Lol Onward and Upward


Me 52 H 44
T9 M 5
BD 12/11 H
split 8/12
OW moved in 12/12
OW gone for good 6/14
We get closer again 9/14
SD 13 Me 4 Grown





Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
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Karma12 Offline OP
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Oh and thankfully my adult daughter has a really nice man in her life. They have been together for 3 yrs. they now live together and are planning their life together. He is so good to her and our family loves him.

My daughter had cancer when she was 15. Ewing sarcoma. It was the worst time in all of our lives. She lost her left leg below the knee and under went a year of chemo treatments. We lived at children's hospital one week of every month. Thankfully she had no metastasis and is considered cured. She has never let it hold her back. You would never know she lost part of her leg. She runs, snowboards anything she did before she has relearned. She just had to have tests done to see if she was able to have children. The chemo treatments could have affected her ability to ovulate. the tests came back showing she is producing eggs and will be able to have children of her own. We are all thrilled.

I could write a book about my life lol


Me 52 H 44
T9 M 5
BD 12/11 H
split 8/12
OW moved in 12/12
OW gone for good 6/14
We get closer again 9/14
SD 13 Me 4 Grown





Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
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Posts: 7,319
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Hiya, Karma.

You called me. What is it that you would like to know or how can I help you? Honey, this Wonka is a girl! grin

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Karma12 Offline OP
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Oh so sorry Wonka. Is this the same Wonka that went through their own MLC?


Me 52 H 44
T9 M 5
BD 12/11 H
split 8/12
OW moved in 12/12
OW gone for good 6/14
We get closer again 9/14
SD 13 Me 4 Grown





Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 557
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Karma12 Offline OP
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If so having experinced it what is your opinion of the difference between a WAS and midlife crisis? If you read my thread we have had some discussion about it.


Me 52 H 44
T9 M 5
BD 12/11 H
split 8/12
OW moved in 12/12
OW gone for good 6/14
We get closer again 9/14
SD 13 Me 4 Grown





Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
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Karma,

Originally Posted By: Karma12
Oh so sorry Wonka. Is this the same Wonka that went through their own MLC?


Yep, the one and the same. Here's a link to the mind of a former reformed badass MLCer aka as moi. Enjoy! Or NOT. crazy

A Voyage Into The MLCer Mind

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Karma12 Offline OP
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Wow...thanks for shring Wonka! This MLC stuff Is as clear as mud. Lol


Now what do you thing...about the difference between a LBS and MLC. 25yrs thinks it's sll an excuse and I can understand why she feels that way. Your thoughts?.


Me 52 H 44
T9 M 5
BD 12/11 H
split 8/12
OW moved in 12/12
OW gone for good 6/14
We get closer again 9/14
SD 13 Me 4 Grown





Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 557
K
Karma12 Offline OP
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 557
Hi Scott,

I have had some time now to digest our convo from Jan 1. I know when we talked you asked if I wanted a divorce I said no. That was before I heard what you had to say. After hearing where you are are at I have to say that yes I want a divorce. I do not want to be in an open marriage. I accept that you seem to be in a MLC that could take years to work through. After supporting you for many years and helping you achieve soul custody of Mikka I had hoped that we could have given her the life we promised. From what I understand from our talk it doesn't matter what would make Mikka happy or what would make me happy. You are wanting to date with no expectations. Good luck with that. I wish I had known that before supporting you for many years.
It truly saddens me to see you become what everyone else told me you were before me. You told me you didn't want to be the typical married couple. Guess what neither did I. I thought you were going to be a fun companion. I have never been the typical house wife. I was so bored in the house.

I made a slide show today of pics of Ryan. I had to go through many pics to put it together. It made me sad because I saw pics of us. We were happy and looked in love. Have you ever looked back at our pics. It seemed to me you erased all that was good in our past life.

At this point I have to think of you as dead to me. The you that I knew is dead so I have to move on with my life. I am starting to date and seeking s life companion . Our talk was good because it helped me let you go.

I do hope you are planning on paying me out soon. I have planned my mortgage around u paying me out. Considering I spent a good part of my DAds money supporting us and left you with everything in the house I think our agreement is very fair. Please let me know when you are able to do this. Thanks.

I am hoping once you pay me to take Mikka away this summer with Louise and Eileen to Mexico. I have some time off in July.

I hope you find what ever it is that you think will make you happy. I want only the best for you.
Once you pay me out I want to file for divorce either through Steven or Aaron. I don't care.

Loved you once

Kerrie


Sent this tonight



Sent from my iPad


Me 52 H 44
T9 M 5
BD 12/11 H
split 8/12
OW moved in 12/12
OW gone for good 6/14
We get closer again 9/14
SD 13 Me 4 Grown





Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 557
K
Karma12 Offline OP
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Wonka thank you for sharing. It was enlightening. If you have any advice on my sitch it would be appreciated.


Me 52 H 44
T9 M 5
BD 12/11 H
split 8/12
OW moved in 12/12
OW gone for good 6/14
We get closer again 9/14
SD 13 Me 4 Grown





Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 557
K
Karma12 Offline OP
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OP Offline
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Joined: Jan 2015
Posts: 557
25yrs I sent this email tonight. Thoughts?


Me 52 H 44
T9 M 5
BD 12/11 H
split 8/12
OW moved in 12/12
OW gone for good 6/14
We get closer again 9/14
SD 13 Me 4 Grown





Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
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