Reposting my last reply from previous thread to make it easier .
Thank you, job, that is exactly my plan. Living life to the fullest. It’s scary to keep my eyes forward, yet exciting at the same time. I’m setting goals for myself, while learning to get comfortable with the uncomfortable feeling of “not knowing” what will happen. Because who of us really knows, anyway?
2B, daring, Ss, uR, thank you for your kind words. I do feel strong. It isn’t as if, “hey, I TOTALLY got this” 100% of the time. I have sad moments. I have frustrating things that happen. I have fleeting feelings of anger when I have to deal with things I don’t want to deal with. Here’s the thing: How is that different than normal life pre-BD?
It’s not. It’s life.
I sometimes think people are seeking an inner Nirvana after picking up the pieces. To me, that’s a bit unrealistic. Just because we get strong, and accept this “new normal”, doesn’t mean the emotional lows cease to hit us. It’s knowing that our core is at peace. And we’re ok.
Bright, it’s no downer at all. I am more than happy to share my process, as we all learn from each other here.
While I can’t speak for anyone else, for me, the v was when a switch went off inside that let me know how big this really was. Knowing my H, and how he has always been one who avoided any needles, doctors, pain of any kind… the fact that he would permanently, physically alter his body…choose to go through THAT much pain and effort to continue to have relations with ow that were not me….was the loudest message I could receive, that he was really gone. And I knew I had to accept that reality in order to truly heal myself.
I agree it was part of his MLC. Absolutely. He would not have done that in his former self. Could I accept it and be with him now? For me, that answer was “no.” Not right now. 5 years from now? I have no idea. Stranger things have happened. But for me, for now, it was no.
Although the timing of my inner-switch coincided with his v, the other GINORMOUS obstacle was the effect this all has had on my kids. I had to hold up that same mirror I did when I D their father…and ask myself, “what am I modeling for them?” I was modeling that I loved my H. That I was willing to give it time. That I had to know I did all I could possibly do before walking away.
MORE than that, I had to consider THEM. What would my R with my kids be like if I were to R with H? Right now? It would create insecurity in them that I cannot allow. No. Friggin’. Way. Not again. Ever. We came too far to ever let it go back. I think it was kml months ago, who reminded me to be careful of the “other shoe dropping” syndrome. My apologies if I credited the wrong person…I’m too lazy to go through all of my threads and verify .
I resisted that. Big time. I didn’t even want to consider that back then. I wasn’t ready to accept it. I’m so grateful now, that those words continued to haunt me.
Strangely…it’s the words we don’t think we want to hear, that stick with us. That uncomfortable feeling is usually where we need to focus.
So, I simply wanted my own pain to stop, ----right flippin’ now. I had that all-too-common feeling of wanting something back that wasn’t serving me well, but it was familiar and dammit I just don’t want to hurt anymore so give me back that thing that was bad.
As far as the time it took me to get here being relatively short? There could be many reasons for that. Perhaps because I had been through a ton of stuff already in my first D. I knew what that detachment felt like. I knew what I was aiming for. The trip always seems a little shorter when you know where you’re going, right?
Also, it could be that we were only together for 6 years.
Or… and here’s what I believe: I truly saw “him”. I saw his struggle. I believe I can see his pain, through all he does. I get him. I can’t explain it. I just do.
I KNEW I had to get out of his head, his heart and his way, so he can do this. I love him in a way I haven’t loved anyone before. It isn’t romantic now. It isn’t friendship now. It is a full-on be free and live your life in peace love. Wanting good things for him, regardless of me. Not just lip-service of the words. I actually got there.
I resisted this because of what I wanted, and what I thought I needed. I let go of that… because it isn’t about me.
I get what you are saying wanting your H to be free to be at peace.
It will allow your growth to continue and you to be at peace.
My H is still here in our home, but I know if he leaves I will be OK, I want him to be happy to smile. I love my H in that way, wanting his happiness with or without me.
I hope your H can "love" you in the same way.
It will be times of sadness for what is gone or lost, but I try to think about what I have learned and how I have grown in this process.
Shining hold on to the fact that you have grown!
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
" So, I simply wanted my own pain to stop, ----right flippin’ now. I had that all-too-common feeling of wanting something back that wasn’t serving me well, but it was familiar and dammit I just don’t want to hurt anymore so give me back that thing that was bad."
^^^^^^ That is one of the most insightful statements that hits home for me. H wasn't treating me well for quite awhile before BD- yet I was devastated. But it was familiar, and long standing, and of course there's that whole commitment thing! But the R was not serving me well- it was hurting me deeply.
Looking at it this way is helpful- I needed to be out of what it had become and so did you. Love your way of being able to capture the deep stuff so well- you are most definitely AWESOME!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Holla at Shining!!! I totally knew. Sending you triple salchow, triple toe loop (I am wearing a feathered scarf today to pay homage to my inner Russian ice dancer). Call me Svetlana!!
Happy you are doing well, my fellow boot aficionado:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Hi, all. It’s been a while since I’ve posted. Although I’ve been reading many, I’ve been pretty quiet about my own sitch.
The kids are still doing great. Twins are out living their lives and figuring things out as they go, like many normal 18 year olds. S16 still thriving at school, same with D14, as much as a middle schooler can, I suppose….(eek). She has learned so much in the way of communication and boundaries. She will be far ahead of where I was at her age.
Work is still going well. I make far less than I used to, so adjustments continue to be made. One of those is the car I currently drive, which is in H name. I will be purchasing a used car and have payments that are less than half of what I pay now. H is getting his car back, and will get to figure out what to do with 2 car payments. . His problem, not mine.
H is still very much in lala land. A few weeks back, he began pushing me to find a car, and he became rude and impatient. He told me "enough is enough with the stalling. Get what you want out of it. I'm coming to get it asap."
I calmly reminded him how long it took us to find a used car for my S, and he backed off a little. I had to repeat things such as, “As I already mentioned in my last email, I will not be able to buy a car until x date at the very soonest. I am not being ugly. It is simply my schedule.”
That was followed by a day of friendly texts.
Then a few days later, he was in a frenzy to have me answer texts regarding the D papers he was working on. (He started these papers in July.) This will be the third or fourth time he has brought this up.
He is still being very reasonable with regards to splitting finances, retirements, etc. It is important to him that I don’t tell people he took my money. Ok. THAT’s your biggest concern…..whatever.
He still sees things as my fault, and continues to repeat the mantra, “too much damage has been done” with me favoring my kids over his adult son. That is the most recent and convenient excuse he has stuck to, although not the original one.
He still suffers from some eye thing and had to have draining and laser stuff done because he has a big blind spot. He looks old. He had a ton of thick, wavy hair, even a year ago. Now it's receding quite rapidly. His skin is gray He is very thin.
He says he spends entire days working on music. I do not snoop at all. I really don't want to know what he does and who with. I have a feeling he is still seeing someone, just because I don't believe he is capable of being alone.
One day after his eye procedure, I stopped by his apartment. He had a nice amount of cash to give me from one of our accounts. I brought over some home- made stew, and offered it with no expectations, just keeping things civil until all financial business is done. He made a comment, one of those half-joking ones.... He asked if I poisoned the stew.
Interesting thing....why would I poison the stew if he hadn't done anything wrong??
That was the first SLIGHTEST INKLING of him acknowledging guilt. He has so far to go. My response was, "dangit!! I would have if I had thought of it. Next time for sure."
He said that we will never see things the same and because of that, we can’t be together….. (funny, I thought we were two separate people….If he can find someone who sees EVERYTHING the same way he does, he will be dating himself.)
After we agreed on a few things, and he asked me to review the papers on Wednesday or Thursday of last week. I agreed to do it on Thursday.
Annnnnnnnddd…….yep. He went dark. Never heard back regarding D papers the rest of the week. Twilight Zone, huh, uR?
Friday he sent a text asking an update on the car. I found one, but the seller has it in the shop until this week. That’s the last I heard from H.
I’m doing well overall. I seem to have hit another cycling of grieving….more sadness, and mostly at night. I do miss the good parts of our old, old, long-gone life.
Also, I have decided for myself, that I am in no way shape or form ready for a R. I’m still not dating. I have gone out with groups of friends, mostly parents of my kids’ friends.
I’m ok being alone for now. Forever, if need be, really. Not my preference, but if it’s a choice between being alone or settling and going through this again? Oh, heccks no.
So, it looks like my story will have another chapter that goes to D. I won’t lie to myself and say it won’t hurt. I also won’t lie to myself and say we could reconcile. Aaahhhhhnope.
For now, I keep living, keep digging, and keep dreaming. And some nights….keep crying and feeling what I’m supposed to feel.
Because I’m not doing this again.
((Hugs)) to all that are here, in pain, and posting. I am looking forward to having the energy again to pay it forward.
M44, H44, both M before M4 yrs, T6 BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me H att suicide 2/14 S 4/14 OW disc 5/14 D final 4/15
Hi Shining, Nice to hear from you. I'm just waiting on my court date to finalize the D. W was in such a huge hurry to get together with the lawyers and "finalize" things and have papers drawn up but now things have slowed down. Funny she hasn't seen her father since that day but went this weekend so I expect I will get a call from L soon now. The only time she gets in a hurry is when he is around pushing her to move. I have kept things civil between us and haven't given W a chance to spew her "reasons" for destroying our family. It has changed so many times just like your H it just doesn't matter what this months reason may be.
Like you I have no desire for an R right now. My D's actually have expressed to me that I should with my D15 saying I deserve someone who "cares about you not treat you the way mom did". I just smile and say not now. I wonder if your step son knows H is using him and your R as an excuse for his actions? One of W's reasons was I was "too hard" on my oldest D in the past and when my D19 heard her mom say this she got angry saying I was never too hard on her and was a great dad. Funny how only her and her father think that but to W it must be true.
I know the day the D is final will be sad and will hurt. Anyone who doesn't feel that way after 21 years of M and 26 years together has problems that go much deeper than their M. It's natural to feel this way, just don't let it hold you back from moving forward with your new life. It may not be the life you thought you would have but you still get to choose what it will be like. You've got THAT going for you!
Matt, my kids are the same. They want to see me happy. They would be completely on-board if I started dating. They also know my reasons for waiting.
That's a really good question you asked about SS, and whether he knows he is still the excuse. At one point, I had said to H, "SS and I have forgiven each other and apologized. We have worked it out and moved on. Why haven't you?"
H didn't have an answer other than the default "too much damage" thing.
I hope someday H will come to accept himself, love himself, and be at peace. He was very good to us before he couldn't be anymore.
M44, H44, both M before M4 yrs, T6 BD 7/13 ILYB something isn't right with me H att suicide 2/14 S 4/14 OW disc 5/14 D final 4/15
Hi Shining - like Matt, I'm just waiting for final draft of the settlement. It's been over 1.5 years now, and I've finally accepted this mess. I could have written a lot of what you wrote above. You sound like you're doing well! I think there just comes a point where you have to close your eyes and jump into your new life - not necessarily the one you planned, but the one that's before you now. Boy, do I wish those of us who are getting closer to a D now could all get together when all's said and done, don't you? What a gathering that would be! We'd have a lot to talk about, but I have no doubt we'd all have a great time!
Me 53, XH 57 M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids BD June '13 H moved out July '13 Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14 H filed for D Nov. '14 D March '15
Shining, great to hear from you! I can relate to some of your feelings. Especially going through the grief process. I’m ok to be alone now too. Sometimes I wish I could share my life with someone special, but I just don’t see who that might be at this time. So, I’m good to be by myself for now.
Your H could be related to my, LOL. Mu H also has a reason for him to leave our M stuck in his head, and there is nothing anybody can do to get it out of there. The only difference is that he hasn’t filed for D. And there has been no conversation about that for a looong time. I think he has his head in the sand. I will have to pull it out of there when the time comes. Not quite ready myself, but getting there…
BTW, I found you on alternative. You look gorgeous! I’m not official yet, I need to create my “other” identity there.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Shining, you got through to me with your first post on this thread. It is good to see how others handle what comes their way.
My wife and I are piecing. Things are going well, and I do want us to work things out - BUT... I believe I am getting to the point where I know I will be fine either way. It looks like I am learning a lot from you all, regardless of how my situation turns out.
Me: 53, Wife: 49 Separated November 24, 2014 I think we are piecing. She wants to stay married/committed & LAT (Living Apart, Together)
Honestly Shining - they haven't got a reason, and so they have to invent one that appears vaguely credible to them (and it is interesting that they change the reason perdiocially)
Well spotted on the stew comment - we leak meaning in ways we do not intend!!
And as for dating - so many people leap into a validating relationship (understandably - we have been pretty rudely rejected), and risk another cycle of emotional abuse and rejection.
Being alone and liking it is so important to our personal development - and yet we are judged (even here to some extent) by our relationship status. I swear I will scream at the next person who says 'Oh you will meet someone' as if that was what really mattered in life. OK end of rant for the day!
I swear I will scream at the next person who says 'Oh you will meet someone' as if that was what really mattered in life.
I actually almost did scream… Well, I politely told my mutual friends how tired I was hearing questions “have you met somebody?” I told them that I am perfectly fine on my own.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Shining - So good to read your post. It sounds like you are doing really well. I mean none of us are wearing those rose colored glasses anymore. We are keenly aware of the struggles in life but I also feel like we are profoundly grateful for the blessings too.
Grief is not one size fits all and just when you think you are moving past it you find yourself brimming over with it.
I can't offer anything except my gratitude for your posts, your honesty and your willingness to share your journey with all of us. Until I found this board I thought I was destined to deal with this alone. I was worried I'd become bitter and angry.
Reading The Divorce Remedy opened my eyes to a new approach but dealing with MLC too has been far more than I bargained for. I needed to know others, like you, we're dealing with it too.
You've had so much on your plate but right after my BD I remember reading your posts and feeling like I wasn't going to die. I would survive.
Many, many thanks Shining.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Thank you for such kind words, Live, Bright, Lovin, bea and Gwen. It never ceases to humble me to know my posts are helping others. When I first came here, I was so broken and hopeless.
I have some updates.
I returned the new car to H. It was financed in his name, and refinancing it into mine was not an option, since the car has depreciated more than the listed value, and is upside-down. The lenders will only loan the value of the car, and I was not willing or able to pay off the $5k difference. So I bought a $7500 car from a private seller who took excellent care of it. He had every maintenance record minus 2 oil changes. And it’s a little gray convertible.
My thinking was, if I have to “downgrade”, how can I make this not FEEL like a downgrade? I had to ask myself what do I really want? What can I really afford? What are my options? What do I have in my life today?
Well, I no longer have 4 kids in my house. I have 2. I no longer have to load the car with groceries for 7 people. Just 3. I no longer have soccer games requiring me to bring chairs, coolers, etc. I drive ½ mile to work. I shouldn’t even be driving because it’s so close!
So I got something older and reliable, yet fun. And I love it! Bring on the sunshine, baby.
A few weeks before finding this car, something weird happened. I went to H apartment to give him my final monthly payment for the car I would be returning. He asked me what kind of car I was looking for, and he suggested the very car I had been researching. I asked him how he knew that? He said he remembered years ago I mentioned I liked that car once. I didn’t even remember that. Sooo….he can’t remember any good times together, but THAT he remembers.
Then it got weirder. While standing in his kitchen, I looked up an old text from a friend who happens to be male, and said in casual conversation, “one of my friends told me kbb value of car is xxxx.”
H looked over my shoulder at the text, and turned into Mr. Jealousangrypants. He snapped at me, “Oh. Well, why don’t you just have SO-AND SO help you buy the car then!” It was odd and immature. No shocker there.
I laughed it off, and said, “Umm, not that it matters, (especially since he is on ow#Icantcountthathigh) but so and so is not a boyfriend, or anything close to that.” H was still pacing and stewing….time for me to go, so I did.
Fast forward to the day after my purchase, and the return of H car, and H is irritable. Complaining about his options with the car by text.
Then this text comes in:
“Btw I filed on 2/12/15.”
3 weeks he waited, and the chicken-sh*t sends that by text. I literally spent an hour with him the day beforehand, doing the car shuffle. And he couldn’t tell me then.
Nope. He saved it to use as punishment to me, for his unhappiness.
Coincidentally, he filed the day before the one-year anniversary of his suicide attempt.
I seem to have hit more of the inevitable “anger” stage of grief.
****sigh**** More updates to come….things are a-movin'!
Congratulations on the car purchase and I'm sure you are loving the car. Your family is getting smaller by the month! LOL!
Shining, he couldn't tell you he had filed because he's a coward. Some of them won't tell you that they filed until you get the papers, i.e., like my xh did...but they didn't arrive in time for Christmas...thanks be to the man upstairs and ruin another holiday. Some will eventually tell you when they see you are happy or you've had a stroke of good luck. In your h's case, I think he probably decided to tell you because things had been going well the day before and he didn't want you to get any ideas that things had improved to the point of wanting to try to repair things.
So, my friend, keep looking forward because there is nothing you can do about the past. I have a good feeling that your future will be a very positive and enjoyable one once you get thru the next few months.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Alright, friends. I did it. I signed the waiver agreeing to the terms of my divorce, allowing it to go through. Assuming stbx submits the waiver right away, and the judge signs off on the agreement, I could officially be a single gal in one week.
I met him at my bank yesterday after work, since my signature had to be notarized. Yeah…of course he waited outside in his car. Funny, I expected exactly that… ch!ckensh!t avoidance behavior. It has been so prevalent for the past 3 years now. It was as if he just pulled up to a fast food drive-thru, and rolled his window down to pick up his order. At that moment, it occurred to me how much disregard he has for me, for the marriage, and even for himself.
I surprised myself at how well I kept it together. I was actually in a rather calm state of mind. I smiled. I was very business-like. Oh…and I just-so- happened to look kinda fabulous yesterday, as luck would have it. ***fist pump with a whispered celebratory “yes”***
I know there will still be pings of sadness for the dreams that were never realized. It’s ok, though. I get to create new dreams now.
The anger still comes in small doses, too. Mainly when I struggle financially, or when I am not able to do things like I used to for my kids. I’ll get there again, though. I know what I need to do. This ain’t my first rodeo.
This stuff sure isn’t easy. It certainly isn’t what I ever wanted for my life. But it’s what I got. And I’m going to figure it out. Again.
You totally stuck the landing. And you looked haute doing it :-)
Keep going, my friend. You ARE awesome. It's stiletto and wedge sandal season, ya know?
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
OK, GB.... Now, I'm having transition issues. Boots to wedges, ya know? I mean... ready to rock next season... adjusting... slowly letting go. 180. Can't quite do it like you southern girls. My toes get cold up here!
Ok, not sure if I’m supposed to post here… (don’t belong to the club), LOL. But, it is great to hear from you, Shining! I’m glad you are doing well, in spite of some anger and sadness. Cheers to the new dreams!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
That is an awesome update, Shining, so glad you finally decided to legally cut yourself and your kids off from that jerk of a husband of yours. I think the pings of sadness are normal, the next step in the healing process. More like missing the lost dream than the real thing, right? You rock
PS Hello Bright, how the heck are you?????
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Bright!!!! Omg, you can take your ridiculously adorable self, and GET IN ON MY THREAD!! Wait.....do you have shoes!?!?!
You are NEVER hijacking, my dear.... Welcome welcome welcome, always!!!!
I did not mean to exclude you or anyone, for that matter. GB and Mighty happened to post together, and uR, well....she's got a special place in my heart reserved only for her, since she is the person I connected with immediately upon posting here, and she seriously pulled my hopeless mess off of the floor...no matter what she humbly denies.
Shining, I'm very proud of you! It's one step at a time for a while, but you will come to realize that the huge weight that you've been toting around will no longer be there once everything is finalized.
I hope everything goes smoothly and he does what he's suppose to do in taking care of his end of the paperwork.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
And thank you, Job...your words have not left my thoughts, "One step at a time" is exactly it. Also, Job...a few oddities to add to your MLC repertoire...(nothing new to you, I'm guessing)
Stbx Mantras: (not that the "whys" matter anymore, just interesting the mindset and the guilt, avoidance, etc.)
Said he thinks we could date or maybe "hook-up" after D is final. I told him I do not see us being friends after it is final. He was shocked...following script like all the others.
Says "I can't go back, not now or in the near future" (Sooooo....distant future?? Hold my breath??? Ahhhno.)
Continues to blame me, now with the *new* reason being that I walked out of a counseling session in February of 2014 and that was the final nail.
He said he needs the D to happen because he can't move on until then.
He thought I was dating because he saw a text on my phone from a male friend, and made jealous and assumptive comments. "Why don't you just have Mr. G help you with your car?" and, "I'm sure Mr. G will be glad to have the D behind you." ....omg. He was so far off on that.
After he asked, I told him I will not be changing my last name back to my maiden name, but he started sending emails to my maiden name address anyway.
He continues to audition for bands, his talent makes him desirable to many, but for whatever reason...he can't find the right fit. (<<Easy one right there.)
He still has almost no contact with his family, other than his adult kids, now on their own.
He still dates, but has not introduced anyone to his family. I happened to see a woman's name on an entertainment type certificate in the back seat of his car when he delivered D papers to me. I do not believe he is capable of connecting with another person on any deep level at this point.
Deeeeeep in the tunnel he stays.....
Oh! And I just now received a text from him that he wants me to know he is looking in his bank account every morning to see if tax refund has posted, and as soon as it does, he will give it to me. (<<somebody's feeling guilty)
I'm totally losing it sometimes.....early onset Alzheimer's maybe?
Anyway, yes! It does feel good to have the weight of this almost entirely off my back. I'm more broke than I have been since my 20's...but I'm not broken!
Shining, He's still deep into the mlc tunnel and the comments he has said about dating, etc., are very typical mlc lingo. They think that the divorce decree is going to make things all better once the signatures are on the dotted line. It doesn't work that way and he's going to find out that life isn't going to be wonderful w/unicorns and fairies dancing all around sprinkling happiness dust. But, that's his happiness illusion to figure out.
You, on the other hand, have been living in the real world and will be just fine because you are dealing w/things head on.
Continue to live your life and make sure you do it to the fullest. You might be broke financially right now...but I can assure you, you will rise from the ashes and be more financially secure than your h in a year or so.
Shining, you are going to be just fine, please do not doubt that.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Has anyone heard this one before? It's a real knee-slapper.
“A man walks into the courtroom to have the Judge sign off on his uncontested D. He hands the officer the Respondent’s signed waiver, but he doesn’t have the Respondent’s signature on the decree.
“The Judge declined to grant the D.” (Ba dum bum …ching!)
Yeah. That was my stbx today.
***sigh***
It started this morning. Stbx sent me a text asking for the last 3 digits of my DL. I responded that I would look in a minute, and asked what is it for?
No response, so I didn’t send him the numbers.
I then realized he must have appeared in court today to have the decree signed.
Hours go by, and I sent him a text. This was too classic to not share. The convo went like this:
Me: Did you go to court today? H: yes Me: Am I single now? H: not yet Me: What happens next? H: I have to go back Me: How come? …..crickets…
Meanwhile, I went online and looked. There it was in black and white. He didn’t have my signature and would have to return again with a signed decree, or a different set of forms.
Me: Has anything changed in the agreement? H: no nothing changed. I didn’t have a correct form. Now I do. Me: Do you go back tomorrow? (Fair question…I should kinda know when my status changes, right?)
Oh for goodness sakes? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that you have to have both signatures on the decree in order to make it legal, as well as the date, etc. I'm sure the judge thought he was an idiot for not having the proper forms and/or signatures.
Oh, well...maybe you'll be divorced soon.
Gotta love those out to lunch people and how their brains operate.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I mean... really? There is another party involved, yes?
Prime example that they only think of themselves. We are a mere bystander in their lives. And... you know, along with the spectacle of mlc... don't you know the rules and laws don't apply to them either? Well, at least until the judge reminds them. But even then...
Anyway, glad to see that you are in a good place mentally for all this mess.
Hang in there, stay on your path.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Thanks, job, uR, Mighty, Bright, bea, juliegayle, 2B, and Heather!
Long time, no post!! Great to connect with those of you who have also been busy/absent/GALing
uR, yep. He has to have this. Can't move on without it. Needs it now.
Guess what? 2 days later AND?
I'm not single yet.
Yeeahhhh... According to the county court website, he has not returned with the other document he needs.
My best guess is he will go back next week. If it's anything like the recent patterns, he will hesitate and cycle, and remember why he believes he needs this, get angry at something I did or didn't do, and that will fuel him to go back. *shrugs*
C'est la guerre.
Heather, Hall of Fame!!! LOL! Totally. He and Smokey could both contribute a significant amount to that!
I have more updates on the kids and whatnot... will post about that later. For now, things are really pretty good, overall.
You sound fab! I bet I know what the hold up on the D is. He is probably trying to revise the paperwork to say the reason for the D is trauma due to large pores. It's a legit reason to file. Haters gonna hate!
Thanks for stopping by. It's been a very emotional day and I appreciate your wisdom. Keep up the good work.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I bet I know what the hold up on the D is. He is probably trying to revise the paperwork to say the reason for the D is trauma due to large pores. It's a legit reason to file.
OMG, I was laughing so hard… I should take a note… To supplement the possible reasons for D when I’m ready to file.
Shining, I’m so happy that you are doing well and moving on with your life. It gives me an inspiration. I’m one of the slower once here. Compared to you and Georgia... I would totally love to drop the rope “Cirque du Soleil style” (like Georgia), just can’t figure out how hard I need to make it swing, LOL.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
.
. His problem, not mine. 
