Thank you for such kind words, Live, Bright, Lovin, bea and Gwen. It never ceases to humble me to know my posts are helping others. When I first came here, I was so broken and hopeless.
I have some updates.
I returned the new car to H. It was financed in his name, and refinancing it into mine was not an option, since the car has depreciated more than the listed value, and is upside-down. The lenders will only loan the value of the car, and I was not willing or able to pay off the $5k difference. So I bought a $7500 car from a private seller who took excellent care of it. He had every maintenance record minus 2 oil changes. And it’s a little gray convertible.
My thinking was, if I have to “downgrade”, how can I make this not FEEL like a downgrade? I had to ask myself what do I really want? What can I really afford? What are my options? What do I have in my life today?
Well, I no longer have 4 kids in my house. I have 2. I no longer have to load the car with groceries for 7 people. Just 3. I no longer have soccer games requiring me to bring chairs, coolers, etc. I drive ˝ mile to work. I shouldn’t even be driving because it’s so close!
So I got something older and reliable, yet fun. And I love it! Bring on the sunshine, baby.
A few weeks before finding this car, something weird happened. I went to H apartment to give him my final monthly payment for the car I would be returning. He asked me what kind of car I was looking for, and he suggested the very car I had been researching. I asked him how he knew that? He said he remembered years ago I mentioned I liked that car once. I didn’t even remember that. Sooo….he can’t remember any good times together, but THAT he remembers.
Then it got weirder. While standing in his kitchen, I looked up an old text from a friend who happens to be male, and said in casual conversation, “one of my friends told me kbb value of car is xxxx.”
H looked over my shoulder at the text, and turned into Mr. Jealousangrypants. He snapped at me, “Oh. Well, why don’t you just have SO-AND SO help you buy the car then!” It was odd and immature. No shocker there.
I laughed it off, and said, “Umm, not that it matters, (especially since he is on ow#Icantcountthathigh) but so and so is not a boyfriend, or anything close to that.” H was still pacing and stewing….time for me to go, so I did.
Fast forward to the day after my purchase, and the return of H car, and H is irritable. Complaining about his options with the car by text.
Then this text comes in:
“Btw I filed on 2/12/15.”
3 weeks he waited, and the chicken-sh*t sends that by text. I literally spent an hour with him the day beforehand, doing the car shuffle. And he couldn’t tell me then.
Nope. He saved it to use as punishment to me, for his unhappiness.
Coincidentally, he filed the day before the one-year anniversary of his suicide attempt.
I seem to have hit more of the inevitable “anger” stage of grief.
****sigh**** More updates to come….things are a-movin'!
Congratulations on the car purchase and I'm sure you are loving the car. Your family is getting smaller by the month! LOL!
Shining, he couldn't tell you he had filed because he's a coward. Some of them won't tell you that they filed until you get the papers, i.e., like my xh did...but they didn't arrive in time for Christmas...thanks be to the man upstairs and ruin another holiday. Some will eventually tell you when they see you are happy or you've had a stroke of good luck. In your h's case, I think he probably decided to tell you because things had been going well the day before and he didn't want you to get any ideas that things had improved to the point of wanting to try to repair things.
So, my friend, keep looking forward because there is nothing you can do about the past. I have a good feeling that your future will be a very positive and enjoyable one once you get thru the next few months.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Alright, friends. I did it. I signed the waiver agreeing to the terms of my divorce, allowing it to go through. Assuming stbx submits the waiver right away, and the judge signs off on the agreement, I could officially be a single gal in one week.
I met him at my bank yesterday after work, since my signature had to be notarized. Yeah…of course he waited outside in his car. Funny, I expected exactly that… ch!ckensh!t avoidance behavior. It has been so prevalent for the past 3 years now. It was as if he just pulled up to a fast food drive-thru, and rolled his window down to pick up his order. At that moment, it occurred to me how much disregard he has for me, for the marriage, and even for himself.
I surprised myself at how well I kept it together. I was actually in a rather calm state of mind. I smiled. I was very business-like. Oh…and I just-so- happened to look kinda fabulous yesterday, as luck would have it. ***fist pump with a whispered celebratory “yes”***
I know there will still be pings of sadness for the dreams that were never realized. It’s ok, though. I get to create new dreams now.
The anger still comes in small doses, too. Mainly when I struggle financially, or when I am not able to do things like I used to for my kids. I’ll get there again, though. I know what I need to do. This ain’t my first rodeo.
This stuff sure isn’t easy. It certainly isn’t what I ever wanted for my life. But it’s what I got. And I’m going to figure it out. Again.
You totally stuck the landing. And you looked haute doing it :-)
Keep going, my friend. You ARE awesome. It's stiletto and wedge sandal season, ya know?
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
OK, GB.... Now, I'm having transition issues. Boots to wedges, ya know? I mean... ready to rock next season... adjusting... slowly letting go. 180. Can't quite do it like you southern girls. My toes get cold up here!
Ok, not sure if I’m supposed to post here… (don’t belong to the club), LOL. But, it is great to hear from you, Shining! I’m glad you are doing well, in spite of some anger and sadness. Cheers to the new dreams!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
