Hey job. D13's toe is broken in several places. But, they told her to tape 'er up, and she's all good to go! OK.
TRAIN! So... you heard me thinking of you today. I wanted to reach out to you, but wasn't sure where to start. And... still... you came chug, chug, chuggin' right on in!
That.
Meant.
The World.
Woosh. That just too me by storm! First, you gave me the boost of a lifetime! I am so appreciative that you took the time to read my crazy @ss threads! And I seriously thought, I mean seriously, that I had the easiest sitch. Which is why I didn't post for months. I was like, oh man, I feel for some of these people. I know my sitch isn't that bad.
Well... needless to say... I have been touched by an angel... again this year.
Your story is incredibly helpful. A lot of what you say resonates with me, very deeply.
You are right that I need to let xh do this. I am pretty sure that he has a strong bond with this baby. And the guilt- yeah, totally, you are right. I know he is struggling. I am trying to be compassionate and supportive. I let him know that I think it is the right thing for him to be there for this baby in the capacity he wants to be. I know he struggles with trying to figure out how he got here. He didn't want any more kids, but wouldn't turn his back on her.
And yes, I feel for this little girl. Thinking about the sitch at this point can be difficult. I can think about the future better than the present, if that makes sense. However, the future is a big unknown.
I did realize that I was becoming a crazy person. Boy, was I spinning! Once I truly realized the extent of it, I stepped right back. It took me a minute to communicate this to xh, but now, I feel better. I feel more in control.
I am trying to be supportive from a distance. In the sense of him making decisions. He has to make his own. And your are right with the amount of turmoil he is feeling. He feels really guilty about what he brought this girl into. I knew he was struggling the other day. He texted me good morning (which he still usually does and good night). I just responded something along the lines of, you have a new blessing in your life. No need for guilt. You have lots of good memories to look forward to . The next part of your life will be full of rewards.
I did this bc I know he is running on guilt. He knows I stepped out of the sitch. I have set boundaries and never even discuss hww or the baby anymore. I set what I expect as far as the kids and if he makes a commitment with the kids, he needs to honor it and not change it bc hww has made plans and he needs to run to the baby. He needs to figure it out. I am not concerned with the schedule he has with her or if he comes and goes as he pleases there, I just want to know what is going on with my kids. But, I also want him to know that I support him being a dad the baby, and I wouldn't expect less.
I feel pretty comfortable with this and am regaining confidence.
Your story is so amazing, Train. It is so helpful. I am so sorry that you find yourself here again. I am really rooting for you. You, my dear, have been through it! Geesh! You are incredibly strong and an inspiration.
I have been so blessed by the support and advice I have received here.
Oh, and I am so flattered that you find me funny. I love to laugh... its my fave. But I feel like for the last year I haven't been funny. That makes me sad bc laughing and joking is so me. Losing that is what makes me feel really lost. Sounds weird, probably. But, maybe there is a little of me still there.
Now, with all that said, while typing, xh texted me and asked if it was ok if he came to see the kids after he works out. He gets it. He knows I'm not messing around, bc he never texts and asks that. S17 has been sick and with d13's foot, I think he just wants to stop and say good night. I don't mind that he stops, just glad he texted. But I told him to go to the front door (which we don't really use) so he can go straight upstairs (where the kids rooms are). That will tell him something.
I am long-winded. I should have fingers of steel by now.
Oh, and Ellie confirmed to me, straight away, that the a had been going on for awhile. She was right about that. She should be a detective. All she needs to do is read a post... she knows what's up.
