Hi C24. The advice is normally not to try and compete with the OW. Have you seen 25s post on HPs thread about limerance? This is what you are trying to compete with..
Theoden - who is always worth a read - often recommends having a read of the Chump Lady website. Have a look at the 'pick me dance' content....
Seriously, I think you need to take your mind off him more and plan some nice things for yourself...History tells us that the WAS is very unlikely to be 'loved' back into the M for a good while.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks Toots. Had a long talking session into the early morning after ML and I realize how much I have hurt him over the years by my behavior. I guess I have always taken him for granted and maybe secretly thought I could have done better. It hurts to know this and that there isn't anything I can change - I keep saying I can't go back but I can sense his resentment. He feels annoyed that I have made changes now (when it is too late) as he said it all would have only taken was a small change before. So sad...
Me: 53/ H: 50 Kids: S17, S12, D13 Married 20 yrs DB Dec 2014 admitted to OW; H confused not sure of next steps - still at home
Thinking I made a mistake but probably too late...H mentioned going to reflexogy together and I said I would look into it.
I found a place and made an appointment and sent him a calendar invite. Feb 14th is our 24th wedding anniversary so I made it for that day eventhough I am thinking he likely has plans with the OW.
When I phoned him about something else he seemed a little snappy so I am guessing it was about this. He's probably annoyed and thinking it is another mind game that I am playing.
With all the valentine stuff out there this day has been on my mind and I have wondering who he will be with - first valentine with his love or last anniversary with his wife?
Thoughts on next steps? I am thinking I won't bring it up but if he asks me I will be honest (he has told me that he hates my mind games and passive/aggressive behaviour in the past) that this may be our last anniversary and I wanted to spend with him.
Me: 53/ H: 50 Kids: S17, S12, D13 Married 20 yrs DB Dec 2014 admitted to OW; H confused not sure of next steps - still at home
Still connecting with H which includes eating dinner together, going on walks, sleeping in the same bed and ML. It is so hard knowing there is the OW and he is in love with her. Trying to be strong as he leaves tomorrow to spend 5 days with her. Wondering what things will be like when he gets back and how long I can do this...feeling somewhat defeated today.
Me: 53/ H: 50 Kids: S17, S12, D13 Married 20 yrs DB Dec 2014 admitted to OW; H confused not sure of next steps - still at home
Hi C24. I don't know how you can bear it. Truly I don't. I know others on the board have done what you are doing - but I don't know how they were able to bear it either!
The only way I could manage was to separate straight away. You may want to read witches of others who have stayed together whilst an A was ongoing. Shodan springs to mind. I know there are others, I just can't bring them to mind.
It will help a lot if you can find ways of getting your focus off H and onto you. This is why GAL is so important. What independent interests do you have?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Haven't been wearing my wedding ring since H told me about the OW and took down on wedding photos. I did this because one it made me sad to see these and two that I believe it is important that I should be moving in a direction and not staying in limbo. Although H hasn't decided what he is doing he knows that I might not be here if he decides to work on our marriage. I think he is scared of loosing me especially if things do not work out with the OW. I see it is hard for him to let go of me and I assume in time it will be easier...
Me: 53/ H: 50 Kids: S17, S12, D13 Married 20 yrs DB Dec 2014 admitted to OW; H confused not sure of next steps - still at home
Yes this is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. What gets me through this is knowing that I have done my best to save my marriage and whatever the outcome I will be ok.
Have a GAL but finding it hard to keep up as it takes me away from H who at this point is spending all his non OW time with me. It is like I know my time is ending and I want to get all I can.
Lucky for me I have lots of friends who care about me so I will be busy while he is with the OW the next few days. I know I need to do more and have been going to yoga.
Me: 53/ H: 50 Kids: S17, S12, D13 Married 20 yrs DB Dec 2014 admitted to OW; H confused not sure of next steps - still at home
C24, I may be new here, but I have to tell you that you really should consider stop ML to him. Show him that you are not a doormat and are worth undivided attention. It does sound counter intuitive, and I truly understand where you are coming from, since I wish my wife would even hug me. At the same time, what are you really getting out of ML to him? If you are using it just for physical pleasure with no emotions attached, then I can understand to a degree.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
