Toots is moving forwards..

[Sotto]

Well, new GAL activity for me tonight...yoga class. Really enjoyed it. Nice teacher and feel very mellow now. Made a bit of an error though - told him I had done some yoga before (true) then ended up being the one lagging behind, or with arms in the wrong place etc...Next week, I'll enrol on a course of five classes.

Feeling thoughtful, having been in our marital home today, and talked to H last weekend. He told me he was away alone for the weekend 'thinking about his life.' Does he find it odd that I don't ask him - how did that go?

He does sound a bit low lately. I'm not sure things are working out the way he hoped. I have no idea what will happen.

Today, our house was a bit forlorn looking. The Xmas tree is still up - but looks as though it was only ever half decorated, and there was a half empty bag of baubles sitting next to it...Shame, it was always a lovely family home, and now it just feels a bit unloved. A place of sadness..

[edz]

Sorry to hear that toots sounds melancholy.

Yup been that kind of day here too, lots of work and spoke to w but she just seems so far away right now even in the same room a bit like looking in the wrong end of the binoculars.

I'm glad you got more time with bunny though and as for yoga I'd have ended up like a pretzel so dont worry

[Vanilla]

Toots

Just made it through your thread. Sat at work eating sandwiches and tackling a clients tax that a previous accountant made a complete hash of.

My Xmas decks still not put away (packed up) as so busy at work!

H does nothing like that, so looking forward to February 1 but a lot of work up till then and that is all I am doing plus a little posting on this board. Very tired tonight and extremely envious of your GAL.

Sometimes there appears to be movement with H but I have learned to observe and note but not ponder upon it. Actually H thinks about his life a lot, his golf, his sky sport and his beer. Occasional dabble with an OW and a great deal of hidden gambling activity. H has given up telling me stories now, as I merely validate the truth and STFU on what I know are untruths.

It is curious your H has to go away alone to think about his life. Very odd thing to say, even V would have bitten her tongue on that one. I dare say it will unravel at some point.

Sleep well dear Toots, snow is forecast overnight and it is certainly cold.

Vanilla

[Ontheup]

Hey toots. Well done on the yoga. I definitely want to throw myself back into doing things. I've been a shell of my former self for far too long. I agree with what the vets say about gift of time. It will be a gift as I can then do stuff that I want to do. Selfish.? Yes but then I have given a lot of time to my wife and marriage to end up here. I need to get my self worth back. All you guys keep me going.

[Ggrass]

When it comes to jewellery toots if you like to and want to wear it.

I wore a pendant h bought on one of our trips, I got a huge amount of compliments on it. It really worked with that outfit. You know what it belongs to me I can wear it if I want and only I know it has any sentimental value and the story attached to it.

I almost wore my wedding rings from xh that day too! But I thought I might see him and they mean a huge amount to him. In fact the fact I did wear them occasionally always fuelled his fire that I was returning. I now only wear them when he cannot see.

I picked and paid for them so why should I not wear them occasionally

[Sotto]

Thanks for all the comments and support guys! I left the car packed up today, so need to bring the stuff up into the flat and go through it.

Thanks Edz. Yes I did (do?) feel a bit melancholy. I have a mental image now of our forlorn lounge. When I first met H (a year after his separation) his house was really messy. I see ours starting to head in the same way & it worries me a bit - especially if we decide to sell it.

V - thanks for taking the time to read my sitch, in amongst your great busyness (end January not too far away now!) I liked your comment....I dare say it will unravel at some point....it reminds me not to ruminate on it all too much. I have been feeling pretty 'shruggy shouldered' about him lately, but being closer to things again (talk & house) has him on my mind again. I'll get busy & it will pass & I'll say your comment to myself.

Thanks GG. I think for now, any stuff I'm unsure about, I'll put in my 'not sure' suitcase, which already contains my wedding dress and jacket. And I'll come back to it at a later time. H often bought me clothes and jewellery for Xmas & Birthdays, and some of the things I feel fine about wearing. Others not. I'm not sure why, but I just have an instinctive reaction to them.

Have a good day all xx

[Ontheup]

Hey toots

Sentimental things are painful. It reminds of how good things were once.
Why dont you just put stuff like that away and then revisit at a later date when things are less painful.
Whats the saying about making decisions in haste.

[Sotto]

So, been out GALing this afternoon at the charity bookstore. Learned how to cash up this pm - which was pretty complicated I can tell you. I took loads of notes, and hope not to bring the Oxfam financial systems to a standstill when I cash up next week.

Interesting development this afternoon. I saw a Relate counsellor from Sept to Jan - which was very helpful. I told her about an infidelity support group I was attending in London (it has folded now.) She thought it would be great to set one up locally and mentioned it to her regional manager. I dropped this lady an email a while ago, but she didn't come back to me, so I pretty much gave up on it.

But, today I had an email from her to say they are really interested in setting up a local group and would I come over and meet her and their clinical manager to discuss it further. Feeling quite excited now....I'll keep you posted!

[Ontheup]

Good on you

[edz]

That sounds great Toots, GAL in the most positive way possible by the sounds of it.

I'd love to work in a book store, if I was ever rich I'd own one as the kind I'd run wouldnt make that much money probably. Think a 1900s warren with spiral staircase to an impossible number of floors and wall ladders and an old knowledge smell.

Love books, you may be able to tell

No time right now with my week and then the weekend with s, if I had my time again I'd be an archivist specialising in rare recordings and books and digital preservation - much too late now though as the training alone can take a decade.

I'll just have to settle for my own digital archive here and spending time in book shops