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#2529488 01/21/15 03:11 PM
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http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2528708#Post2528708

Well, I was just wondering why no-one seems to be commenting on my sitch lately, and now realise I am locked!

Above is (hopefully) my last post.

So - here we go - un, dau, tri!


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Drove up to our marital home earlier today. I had a dental appt - last in a series, plus I wanted to call into the house and get some stuff.

Previously, I just took what I needed for now. And it has been nice having fewer posessions. This time, I just packed up all my clothes and will sort them here. Wardrobe there is empty now.

Felt much better being at the house this time - more even. Spent some time with the rabbit. H let me know that the lady can't take her now, so she's staying put.

No news from H since our talk at the weekend. I think I'll just go a bit dim now and enjoy GALing etc for a bit.


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
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Good on you toots. Stay strong.
Im feeling low today but just keep telling myself its one foot in front of the other. You just have to keep breathing.


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 561
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Sounds like you are breathing Toots. Very happy for you!
Enjoy GAL and be strong on the bad days.
Did you do or think anything that kept you going? I am still rock bottom since over a week now. Bad sleep, I don't eat much, my stomach hurts constantly.
Thanks


Me 32 (German) Wife 28
T 3yrs M 2yrs
Moved to US for W
No kids
BD 6/2014
In house separation
Confirmed EA 1/2015
(ongoing since BD)
OM not ready
Real D talk started 1/27/15


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Hey Complex - I guess I'm just 6 months further along the process, and feel a bit brighter now. You'll be sounding like this at some point in the future - and gosh I have bad days and good you know.

In the early days, it helped me a lot to read (about what was happening to me). I tried to eat little, often and healthy stuff - but I still lost 15lb after BD. I spent time with family and some close friends who didn't mind what sort of company I was. I gave meditation another try. A lot of people on here find it helps.

Really, at the moment, you are just looking for some respite. Stuff to get you through day by day. Then weeks start to pass, then months. And each month (mostly) is better than the last. It also helped me to find some early GAL activities that I have kept up too. Volunteering in a local charity bookstore has been a great one.

One thing I would say is trust in the process. Not so much to save your M - tho I appreciate this may be part of it - but to save yourself. I find that the longer I stay on the boards, the more I learn. There are some very wise people on here. Like you, I was very focused on my WAS at the start. And I still am to an extent, but that has improved, and I do feel more detached from him and attached to my own life than I did.

At one point, I thought I would hang on for him for ever, if that would be what it took. Now, I think I'll get to a point where I want to move on. I'm not sure when.

You're doing great Complex, and it's good you found these boards. It was a while before I did. Hang on in there!


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
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Great to hear. I must admit since I found out about affair and admitted myself to cheating I have been on these boards all day every day. I get comfort from knowing its not just me feeling like this and that one day it will all end. I'm still amazed at how many people go through this and that the patterns are always the same. Im only a week in. This morning I felt sh!t. I feel a bit better this afternoon seeing my daughter.


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,942
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Hi toots

Aha new thread set up now! I know exactly what you mean,I've covered Mr fixits appearance in my thread and whilst I'd love w to be wanting to work on things she's not there at the moment, will she be, no idea. Right now I think you're spot on in your advice up above bd is all about getting your own mind and emotions in order, being able to resolve the relationship is a secondary part of it that definitely can't happen unless your own (my own) issues are resolved.


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
W coming closer, talking 4/2015
Piecing 5/2015
Moving in again 6/2015
Joined: Dec 2014
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Thanks for your words Toots.
I took a class this morning. But whatever I do, I'm absent.
I realized I'm still very very attached. After I went to bed again, cried and slept. Very depressive. Didn't eat today smirk that's the hardest part. I simply can not eat.
I'll see a doctor on Monday and ask for help. Tomorrow till Sunday I'll be gone for work. I'm very afraid of going.
I'm missing her family too. They are MY family here. I married them too. Mine is far far away and I can't see them.
I know it's going to take so many months....scares me so bad. I'm not going to make it without therapy and friends.
The board here keeps me alive. I read all day every day. Sometimes I'm sitting here refreshing my browser in the hope soneone answered to my posts..like now, no answer in a day^^.

I don't think anyone could do what my W is doing to me if they could emphasize the pain, just be in my head for one single day.

But I have to survive. There might be a good life waiting for me one day frown


Me 32 (German) Wife 28
T 3yrs M 2yrs
Moved to US for W
No kids
BD 6/2014
In house separation
Confirmed EA 1/2015
(ongoing since BD)
OM not ready
Real D talk started 1/27/15


Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Sotto Offline OP
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Good idea to see your doctor and talk about how you are sleeping and eating. Most people struggle with both for a time after BD. Make looking after yourself a priority. Buy some food that you do fancy and have snacks. Dried fruit and nuts are good as high cal, or yoghurt/smoothies.

You would make it without friends & counselling, but call on both. I saw a counsellor from Sept to Jan, and it was helpful. Also, try and find activities that do take your mind off things. Notice what helps and do more of that. Manual activities can be pretty good. I renovated some furniture in the garage, and that helped.

It's good that you're doing a class. As time goes on, your concentration will improve. You may also want to think about keeping a journal. I poured a lot into mine in the early days. Though I haven't written there so much recently. I also have a gratitude pot, and put slips of paper in with things I am grateful for. It is easy to get so consumed by our sitches and forget that our lives continue to be blessed in many lovely ways.

It's tempting to just wait for replies to your sitch, but have a really good look at the forum and see who's who. When did they join? What happened with them? You'll see that there are lots of infidelity sitches in Newcomers too.

So, for now, just try and get yourself to a steadier place and keep your head above water.

I truly promise you that if you put your heart and soul into DBing - of course partly to try and save your marriage - you will truly save yourself, and you will be here in a few months time feeling much better, and that you have come a long way.

T x


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 374
O
Member
Offline
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Posts: 374
Hey chin up complex. We're all in the same boat. We have to support each other. I've felt sh1t all day till my daughter came home. We then did homework tea and bath with some music so we could both sing. It took the pain away at least for a while. I'm currently sat here looking at houses to rent. I've been thinking about the stuff that I want to do. Start running again great for getting frustration out. Paint again. Might learn to play and instrument. Do loads of stuff with my daughter. My wife isn't home. Me mopping about it won't change that. I know at the end of this I'll be a better person what ever happens.


Me:40 W:35
D:8
T:13 M:10
WAW: 7/14
PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months
Moved out and moved on

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