I had a nice long weekend with my s13. I try and see how he's doing when I have him 1 on 1, but he doesn't speak much about anything other than sports or his video games.
I am good about staying away from snooping about W. And when I saw her last Friday night it was the 1st time I saw her in 6+ weeks. We also rarely speak on the phone, with son's schedule done thru texts. So when I put my hand on her back and she sprinted away, it was clear to me that nothing has changed in our no-contact separated marriage.
And I can report that the detachment is helping me. In the past, if I had a set-back like this, I would be hurt/frustrated and think about moving forward with the divorce, or just chucking the no-contact. But these feelings quickly past, and I continue to see patience right now as my best course of action.
Wet U seem to be moving in the right direction. You reminded me of when I was a WAW and my H would reach out to touch me and I would pull away.
Hang in there
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Jack, my s13 likes playing Madden, NBA2k, and Skyrim. He is really enjoying Skyrim, and we like discussing which characters are the best to play - he is playing back and forth between an archer and an unarmed monk.
Divorce Care tonight on anger was good. More people keep showing up to the group (sigh.)
Well, this is an unusual turn. W called d20 who lives with me at 9 pm last night. And we were sitting together as d20 was watching 'Dance Moms'. W tells her she is signed up and going to the community college 5 minutes away from my apartment!
W is taking classes/a course (idk ?) on graphic design. This is great. She is moving forward with something to help her get employment.
Now W being 49 hasn't gone to school in over 25 years, so this is major life change. Can I say I'm proud of her when we're not in a R?
It's Lawyer Joke Friday! NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go — and couldn’t return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”
“Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer.
The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.”
That was just cr#ppy. I pick up my s13 from W's place on Friday afternoons. W asked me stop by earlier b/c she needed help setting up her new printer. B/c the kids need the printer for homework I agreed.
W was a mess, she was still in her pjs, and sat down before I started working on the printer, to tell me three close friends called with horrible news today - 1 lost a brother who died to drugs, 1 had to go the er, and the third had her mother die. I sat and gave W my full attention and told her I was sorry.
The printer was an easy fix, it just needed the disk/software installed. While it was installing, W and s13 were fighting the entire time. Pick up a plate, clean the kitchen, and s13 was being disrespectful. And I told him he will not speak to his mother this way.
Then W comes up (as I am at her computer and the printer was still installing) and says we should talk (I couldn't escape!) She tells me she can't afford her rent, the support I pay is not enough, and that we both need to get 2nd jobs. Then with s13 right there she says she can't afford the children. I listened carefully, but for this I kept my mouth shut.
S13 on the ride home felt horrible. He starts arguing/yelling at me for playing my music too loud, as I am just joyfully singing along to some good 80's music. When we get back to my place he turns on his video game and starts beating up the first three women he sees in the game. I point this out and that he is taking out his anger with his mom on these women in the game. He laughed, he got it. He's calmed down now.
I see so clearly how my W and children need more of me right now, but the separation prevents this. I am the only who keeps my s13 calmed down. And it is so frustrating to see that the only reason my W hasn't divorced me is that she only wants more money from me. This stinks.
I am sorry, but are you really just now getting that? She isn't working but thinks you "both" need two jobs and yet she will be going to school, when are her miracle jobs supposed to fit with that?
She thought because you were going to be a lawyer that you guys were going to be rich, that didn't happen after the kids were mostly raised she left and is looking for a sugar daddy. Is this who you want?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thanks Kat. The hard part was the way s13 is hurting thru this. The other sad part was when I was over to pick up s13, I asked him to bring his video game system so he could play it over at my place. He has done this this before. But W went into the back room with son and told him not to, so that she could watch movies on it thru the weekend.
This is not a big deal, but W could have talked to open about it with me and explained why she wanted the video game system. S13 ratted on her as soon as he was in the car. The poor communication skills of W is a problem for any of her future R's. And I am glad that I have had this time to learn and recognize this stuff now, and also see my own problems with communication. Ya' know, this is all hard when it hits the kids.
