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#2529152 01/20/15 02:32 PM
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Pink17 Offline OP
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I did it...not DBing, but a huge LRT, maybe the biggest of my life. It hurts, hurts and hurt some more, but it is the way to detach.

Last week my H got a promotion and called me to let me know he wants me to be the first person he would tell that he finally got a promotion he was waiting for for a long time.

That same night we went for a beer to celebrate the date, he then told me that he would take the kids skying on thursday till sunday because he was picking up some of his sales reps from the airport on monday morning.

He dropped off the kids on sunday in a big hurry. It was very suspicious. That same sunday I went to the airport, I want to see what was going on. Did not see H or anything else, back to the house, I couldn't just let go. I went to his place about 1am. His car was not there. Well, I felt some fishy was happening.

Monday morning I tough that he may be in the mountains with his cousin and family, I called the cousin to wish a safe trip to them and in a way the told me that H was not at the condo.

So I checked our bank account and found nothing. I checked H Credit Card and there was a charge from a Days Inn Dia, I got the address and went there. H's car was parked right in front of the hotel. I drove around the block and then tough about parking somewhere far to just see what was going on.

As I was driving I saw H putting some luggage in the car. I drove to the front of the hotel and stop there, standing and watching him with his OW. She was smoking, they were talking, he had his hands in the back pocket of his jeans pants and she approached him and kissed him several times.

She noticed I was there starring at them, H did not noticed anything. Then they finally walked to the car. H didn't noticed I was there a few steps away from him.

At that moment I tough I want him to know I saw him, I was there and the whole lying needs to stop. I drove ahead and stopped my car right behind his. He waited a little and then open his window to see what was going on, he saw me. He jumped very fast from his car and walked super fast to my car. He tried to open the passenger door but it was locked.

He walked around my car and tried to open the drive's door and it was also locked. At this moment I opened my window. He was shaking like bamboo in a super storm and was white like paper. He put his hands on my car and asked me what I was doing there.

I looked at his like I was going to vomit. Then I said very calm and slow. Nothing. I closed my window and drove away.

I know he was leaving that cheap hotel to go to the mountains in the condo that we got from out timeshare vacation.

I know I did it all wrong, that it is not what you do if you are DBing, that you don't do it because it hurts more on yourself. But I needed to see it, I needed this so I can learn to let go, detach 100% without any hope.

Today I did not busted my D, but I busted my H. Now, for financial security purposes I will probably filed D myself.

Now, I understand why so many people says that D is somewhat even worse then death. It's a feeling inside you that keeps coming back without any chance of resolution.

I am determined to detach, let go. I know well enough that time is the only medication that will do any good for me.

I came to my senses that I did many wrongs during my M, but I also know how much I endure to keep this M going. I know my H was weak and chose the easy way out and for that I can not control the outcome. Life will go on and I will try my best to live a good life with my sons. They are also left behind.

Even as a father my H is letting go. His life, his interests, his sports, career, everything comes before his family, so be it. He put the nails in his own coffin. We just need to grief now.

I don't know what future holds for us. I am just sure of today and today I need to make a better life for myself and my kids.

Pink


Pink17
S22,19 and 16
D:8/5/2015



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I'm so sorry you had to see that. I can only imagine the pain you must have felt after so much work.

Take care of yourself.

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I'm new here, but I've read all of your posts Pinky. I'm sorry you went through so much trying to save your marriage just to see this. From what I've read you are very strong and can get through this. Stay strong.


M: 8.5 T:10
Me:37 W:34 S:6

Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15
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(((Pink)))

There's nothing I can say that will take the hurt away - I wish there was. Just know we (I) care

Look after yourself


Both mid 30s, 2 young kids
BD 7sep14
XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1
D paperwork in progress
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Dear, lovely Pink. I'm so, so sorry to read this. What an awful shock for you, and traumatic to come face to face with your H and OW. That's horrible. I have had many horrible moments in my sitch, but haven't actually seen my H and his OW together - that must really hurt a lot.

As you say, what you did probably isn't DB - but you are right, you may not have DB'd, but you certainly busted your H - and I admire that you took steps because you felt you were being lied to.

And your instinct was right - as our instincts so aften are in these situations. Your H wasn't telling the whole truth - as many of our WAS's haven't. I read somewhere on this board, that WAS's normally tell something approaching the truth - but rarely all of it.

Has your H tried to contact you at all since this happened? In a way, it puts your sitch in a more 'honest' place. You know what is happening, and he knows that you know. And he was clearly pretty shaken up - as I'm sure were you. I think you did well to let him see you and then calmly drive away.

You probably also put a spanner in the works of their little rendezvous. He and her both knowing that you know also changes the dynamic. Their R is no longer 'secret and exciting' - you are aware, and that starts to change things IMO...

This must have been quite a shock and a trauma for you. Right after a shock and a trauma isn't a good time to make big decisions - it's a good time to look after yourself, and get to a steadier place before you decide what you want to do longer term.

I wish I lived just down the road and could come over for a coffee and a big chat with you. But know that I am sending you every good wish from here. Know also, that you have many, many special qualities and will find happiness in your life going forwards.

Toots ((((((((((PINK)))))))))))


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Looks like Toots said everything I was thinking Pink and very eloquently too.

I will just say (((Pink))) Jim is right we may only be people at the end of an internet connection and a long way away but know that we do care too, sorry for today, feel better.

Edz


M:44, W:46, S:10
M 13 years, T 15
BD:23/7/2014
W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014
My new place: 21/11/2014
W/S back to flat 22/11/2014
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Piecing 5/2015
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Thanks so much Vasapro, Squiggy, Jim, Toots and Edz. It means a lot that you all care so much. You all know I do not have family in the USA, I have some very good friends and they have been amazing just like all of you.

My H called this morning (8:30am), left a message asking me to call or text him because he wants to talk to me. I ignored it.

Then he text me at 11:52am saying that he appreciate if I let him know when we can talk this week. I ignored it.

And I intend to ignore every single contact from him at least today. He probably wants to talk about the D, but guess what: he can go ahead and serve me the papers. I do not care.

In Colorado you do not need any cause to serve D papers, you just go to the court and file the D, pay the fee. The other part is served and have 21 days to respond. So he does not need to talk to me about it. Just have some guts and do what he has been throwing up about.

I tough about it and I believe I do not need to bow to him anymore. He is the one the cheated, lied, ignored our M, leaving the family, being a 20 year old guy having secret sex and fun.
So go to hell because I do not need to talk to.

I am done for now. I understand my M is over. Only God knows if one day our paths will meet again, but until then I have my dignity, and enough is enough.

I can cry and hurt like never before. But life taught me to stand for myself in many occasions, to be strong and value myself before anything and anyone. He is not going to toy with me.

I am crushed but I am also ready for the D. Today I feel free, I do not need to care anymore, I do not need to figure it out what to do for him to comeback. I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL, but I don't want to be a slave of this love anymore. Not sure but maybe I will be better of without someone that did what he did to our family.

If one day we decide we need to get back together then I will say what we say in my land... He will need to fight the bull horns first.

I will try to feel a little better every day. Right now it is salt on an open wound. It just simple hurts.

Thanks for the support, again it means a lot to me.

Hugs to all of you.
Pink


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D:8/5/2015



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I'm so sorry too pink, this is so tough.

When my H left he assured me there was no one else, he said that was the last thing he wanted. I had read somewhere that a husband will not leave a family unless there's an ow somewhere in the background, but again he said not in this case.

It stings, it hurts, I know.

Take care of yourself xx


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I am new here but I just wanted to say my heart goes out to you, I read this and it sounds absolutely awful, I can't even imagine how terrible it must have been to come face to face with them. It sounds like you did the right thing driving away (and ignoring the calls). Take care of yourself.


Me 28 / H 28
M 1 / T 2.5
BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more"
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Pink,

I'm not going to try to convince you of what you should do.

I will simply say that many marriages have gotten stronger after an affair.

I will also say that getting over the affair and the issues associated with it aren't easy to overcome but can be worth the effort.

For better is the easy part of the marriage vows.

For worse...that's the hard part.

And yes I can predict you saying that he broke his marriage vows...

Yup, not defending him, just saying you still have yours intact. : )



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

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