Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #9

[Jefe]

I drew that boundary firmly when I called her right after the texts.

There has not been any mention of her moving home since Valentines nor have we discussed any sort of decision deadline or drop dead date.

Oddly, I received these texts this morning (I will post them exactly as I received them. I had not spoken to her since yesterday at 2:45 pm):

8:02 AM W: Did you wash their hair?
(phone was in other room on charger, I did not see texts until much later)
8:49 AM W: I'm off tomorrow so I can take the girls to dentist and school in the morning. I'll be by after I get off later today to pick them up for the night.
8:54 AM W: Call me when you can.
8:58 AM W: I might come back to the house one day to live but right now I'm not wanting to.

I did not actually speak to her until about 15 minutes later and there was no mention of this text.

I am about to walk out the door, but Hope, if you're interested in some of the phone conversation that happened after the original texting I can share some of it before I forget it maybe later tonight.

[Hope414]

If you don't mind sharing your phone conversation I would like to know what was said.

I also think it would be helpful to get some input from others. As well as cathartic for you to discuss.

It sounds as if you've been through a bit of an emotional rollercoaster ride.

[DaddyLongShanks]

I drew that boundary firmly when I called her right after the texts.

There has not been any mention of her moving home since Valentines nor have we discussed any sort of decision deadline or drop dead date.

Oddly, I received these texts this morning (I will post them exactly as I received them. I had not spoken to her since yesterday at 2:45 pm):

8:02 AM W: Did you wash their hair?
(phone was in other room on charger, I did not see texts until much later)
8:49 AM W: I'm off tomorrow so I can take the girls to dentist and school in the morning. I'll be by after I get off later today to pick them up for the night.
8:54 AM W: Call me when you can.
8:58 AM W: I might come back to the house one day to live but right now I'm not wanting to.

I did not actually speak to her until about 15 minutes later and there was no mention of this text.

I am about to walk out the door, but Hope, if you're interested in some of the phone conversation that happened after the original texting I can share some of it before I forget it maybe later tonight.

I don't like how she tossed you a bit of "hope", but isn't going to come back until it's convenient for her.

You don't have to help her at all. And you shouldn't.

[Jefe]

I hear ya, DLS.

It sounds as if you've been through a bit of an emotional rollercoaster ride.

Hope, I'm just so very tired and weary. Tired all the way down to my bones.

I'll blog the phone conversation for you later tonight.

[OneLessWife]

How about an update J

[twinmom]

Jefe...... you doing ok?

[Jefe]

I'm ok. Just very tired the last couple of weeks.

We've had more snow this week and I have had a full plate of jobs so.... I just don't have any worthwhile excuses. Just been riding the rollercoaster of the wife's emotions. Almost had to break out the spew jacket from storage.

I just don't feel like blogging at the moment, feeling very... I don't know what the emotion is exactly. I still owe you guys a phone conversation and I guess I need to catch up a tad. I haven't been journaling either and my memory the last several days is very cloudy so maybe I'll pop in later and try and make some sense of things.

I've gained 10 pounds, I think my blood sugar is messing with me (no suprise since I've been on a pshcho sugar fiend-binge lately) and I ran out of my blood pressure medication last week and keep forgetting to get it refilled. So that could be causing some of my clarity issues.

Thanks for checking in guys.

[Hope414]

You've been through a lot. But we worry about you. Periodically checking in helps. Thank you for doing this.

If possible (and if you feel up to it) would you take a look at a new poster: cpfc05.

I think you could help each other see through another lens.

Cpfc05 could gain insight into how the left-behind spouse felt when faced with betrayal. And you could gain insight into what made him do what he did.

Because you are both men you might be more open to a frank discussion because you will be less interested in dissecting the conversation for strategies to use on your spouses.

On another note: Please take care of yourself.

No matter how hopeless you feel...life is never hopeless. And your health should always be a priority. When things get overwhelming...I want you to take a deep breath and set a long-term obtainable goal that reminds you that life is wonderful.

For example, on March 7, 2035, you plan to take your grandchild out for ice cream. Just the two of you and no one else. And your grandchild will turn to you and say, "I love you grandpa. No one else gets me like you get me."

[Jefe]

Hope, I appreciate you more than you know.

I wish I had a better answer for my darkness at the moment but I just don't.

I'm sick that's all I can say. I'm not where I was back in Nov-Dec, I can promise that but I am just spiritually and emotionally drained right now.

I'll bounce back and some of this may just be a medication and dietary thing. I've already changed my diet back to my norm and away from the demon sugar and I'll post when I have been back on my BP meds for 72 hours. So if you guys see an attitude shift, that's probably it.

[Jefe]

OK, earlier today, the wife brought me some regular, plain old aspirin to kill my headache and it dropped my BP some too. I feel like a different person, so its like I thought it's a dietary/BP thing.

Wife just dropped by to grab something she forgot when she picked up the girls earlier.
While she's here she asks me: "I don't understand why you even like me as mean as I am and have been to you."
I said: "I love you and I made a promise to always love you. I also know that the meanness is coming from a place of pain and hurt that you're not exactly sure how to express or deal with. It's certainly not coming from the woman I fell in love with."
W: "You know, it really is nice having someone that knows you so damn well."
There was some more pleasant conversation.

At the moment the only thing I am getting my hopes up about is that this depression I was slumping back into may only be a chemical thing, yay!