And to point out something good about my H: he is a father who loves his daughter very much and loves to play with her and buy her stuff. They play dough together too. He may be a sh]tty husband and put his ownintetests before his family, he does love her. Thats why he wants 50% of her time. I havent changd my mind. Even the DB councellor suggested I move on and trust his actionsnot his words. Im not saying hes not a d]ck right now or that im not moving out. But he s not Satan, i think... :-) I still think we might reconcilebut then on my terms in my own house. He has crossed allmy boundaries and it will not go any further.
Me: 36 Him: 36 DD: 3y DD2: 1.5mo Together: 5y Married: > 3y D: April 1st '15 after 1y of affairs
We should patent the term :-) Yesterday after dancing he said the last frw days he had been able to makeclosure with a lot. And he didnt know yet what that meant for usbut that he was feeling much better. I said i was glad becausr when he is happy i feel better too. But that i am progressing with my steps like looking at houses etc. He seemed a bit annoyed by the answer like it wasnt relevant. We ll see what tonight brings as he has no classes.
Me: 36 Him: 36 DD: 3y DD2: 1.5mo Together: 5y Married: > 3y D: April 1st '15 after 1y of affairs
We should patent the term :-) Yesterday after dancing he said the last frw days he had been able to makeclosure with a lot. And he didnt know yet what that meant for usbut that he was feeling much better. I said i was glad becausr when he is happy i feel better too.
To me, this^^ a measure of your progress, will be that You feel better and happy b/c you got yourself there - And NOT b/c of anything HE says or feels...
because he is simply not a factor in that.
But that i am progressing with my steps like looking at houses etc. He seemed a bit annoyed by the answer like it wasnt relevant. We ll see what tonight brings as he has no classes.
Again, let's NOT connect what HE does or says to how You feel. Untie that knot b/c it's not serving you well. You are and always have been, responsible for your own happiness.
You must work on detachment and that usually requires more GAL
which is slightly harder due to the little one in your womb. But it's not impossible.
What are your 180s and GAL anyhow?
Sometimes we must get back to DB basics.
Last edited by 25yearsmlc; 01/22/1508:02 PM.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25yMLCdont worry I didnt really mean that i was happy bc he was but i was trying to say something supportive instead if negative as I understand its best to stay out of allergie zones and remain friendly and seemingly happy when DB'ing. Was this a wrong move?
About a 180: I am showing him Im preparing to leave, had a mortgage appt and a few hpuse viewings. Will actually leave too btw. The DB coach says try to affirm your trust in his decisions making capacity by playing on his integrity by saying "I dont think divorce will solve any problems but i love you enough to respect your decision. And i trust you to do whats right. For our family too." Besides that nothing but s big life change like leabing will help right now.
About GAL: im off to a house viewing tomorrow, seeing my psychologist too and im going for dinner with a frirnd Sunday evening.
Me: 36 Him: 36 DD: 3y DD2: 1.5mo Together: 5y Married: > 3y D: April 1st '15 after 1y of affairs
Wednesday eve he was home from dancing at 21:00 already! Because hes not having an affair apparently... He said he didnt know what it meant for us but that he was feeling much better now he ended it with her. Thursday he was very distant when i came home from work. After we watched a netflix show (he held my hand in the end) he said he felt the need to tell me how he felt and what happened last few days. I said thats ok but I am not your confidant to talk to about your girlfriend so it depends what you want to say. He said that his 'goodbye' day and night with her ended with them fighting and him sleeping on the couch. He said she was just a mindplayer. He later picked up some shoes he forgot at hers and said 'she told me that her ex came (broke up 2w ago) around to talk and then another guy she was seeing popped by. Her ex sent him away but after they talked&hugged and he left, she went over to the other guy! She really is disturbed'. I was thinking jeezus you dont even see you did exactly the same!! It was crazy. He said he s glad to have some quiet now but he doesnt know what he wants. Or why he doesnt want the 'right' things. But 'well 1 in 3 people cheat so he guesses he s not so unique'. He said sorry he was so difficult. Thats when I said i didnt think that divorce would solve any problems but i love him enough to respect his decision. And i trust him to do whats right. For our family too. He said theres a good chance that he s going to cheat again. To which I said i dont want our daughter to grow up thinking its ok if someone treats her like that. (Did i just affirm him wanting to leave...?? Aaarghhhh) He said yeah yeah thats true. And then turned on the playstation. It's just making me so sad. He just doesnt seem to find cheating wrong. Which means nothing now will work. I live in constant fear that he s going to make problems for me with moving or custody so I want to hurry the custody plan and moving. But another part keeps thinking maybe this time he ll change when i move out. But I know thats just naive. So im continuing.
Me: 36 Him: 36 DD: 3y DD2: 1.5mo Together: 5y Married: > 3y D: April 1st '15 after 1y of affairs
Mom22 he is trying to cake eat. He is telling you up front he may cheat again so in his mind that removes any guilt. After all he warned you. Barf! He is also turning to you or fill his cup ( emotional needs) whenever he needs a little pls make me feel good he turns to you. This is where you may want to draw a boundary,
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
MLC does create a narrisstic monster. I just posted on my thread about my SD being left alone all night on a school night so her Dad could go out with his new GF. To be it goes against basic instinct to not take care of your own child. Protect you and your children. Your H. Is still in the tunnel right behind mine.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Omg Karma thats AWFUL! Im so sorry he did that.....! Do you still have any hope for reconcilliation? Are you living together still? Im gonna look up your thread.
Me: 36 Him: 36 DD: 3y DD2: 1.5mo Together: 5y Married: > 3y D: April 1st '15 after 1y of affairs
