In an earlier post you said something about letting go and letting go of all hopes too.
You do have to detach but you DO NOT have to give up HOPE. You need to NOT have any EXPECTATIONS. They will just lead to more hurt.
this is all easier said than done but if you want to save your M you need to do it. It takes time but the sooner you catch on the better it will be for you. With or without your W.
Stay strong!!
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
I found great support here with you guys. I can't appreciate enough.
NEWS: I actually noticed when I snooped my wife's phone it backed up her whole phone on my computer.
So I actually went through the text of her and her best friend. She shared everything with her. And I just found out my W is completely MADLY in love with OM. It sounds very very serious. I'm didn't tell her or whatsoever. I am glad I know exactly everything now and I can use that information to my advantage. I'm very ver very hurt right now, but I'm not going to overreact.
What should I do with this information??? She 100% clearly is in love with him and wants to divorce me ASAP to be with him. They didn't get physical yet for sure.
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
I found great support here with you guys. I can't appreciate enough.
NEWS: I actually noticed when I snooped my wife's phone it backed up her whole phone on my computer.
So I actually went through the text of her and her best friend. She shared everything with her. And I just found out my W is completely MADLY in love with OM. It sounds very very serious. I'm didn't tell her or whatsoever. I am glad I know exactly everything now and I can use that information to my advantage. I'm very ver very hurt right now, but I'm not going to overreact.
What should I do with this information??? She 100% clearly is in love with him and wants to divorce me ASAP to be with him. They didn't get physical yet for sure.
You do not reveal information until you have collected plenty of it. I'd also put a VAR ( voice activated recorder ) in her car.
Get at least 3 weeks of solid intel, better yet 2 months. The voice stuff will take a week or two and you will have been revealed way more than you can bear to listen to. They do most of their cheating talk in the car.
If she didn't get physical and is ready to throw away what she has with you, when they get physical and oxytocin kicks in you will be toast for sure.
You didn't do anything wrong, $hit happens. You can find out information about the OM. Perhaps he's married, a player, cheats on women, has a woman. Something...
I'd be copying those backups or logs somewhere else.
You have to decide for yourself if the A is a deal breaker for you.
If it isn't stop snooping Right now. Now you know and that all you need.
If it is a deal breaker then you can do whatever feels right to you. If not then you have to decide if telling her will get you closer to your goal of saving your M.
Starsky is very good with this I will let him handle it.
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
Haha ok let Starsky handle it. In the end I will have to tho.
To me it's not a deal breaker, yet. But the biggest eye opener ever. I just had a change of heart. I feel relieved. At least I know exactly what's going on. And if that is the true self of my W, let it be so.
Also her D friend is very very D supportive. She has bad influence on her, all she talk about is sex and a TON of different guys. And that "the other side is so much better". I don't need more information. No more snooping.
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
Haha ok let Starsky handle it. In the end I will have to tho.
To me it's not a deal breaker, yet. But the biggest eye opener ever. I just had a change of heart. I feel relieved. At least I know exactly what's going on. And if that is the true self of my W, let it be so.
Also her D friend is very very D supportive. She has bad influence on her, all she talk about is sex and a TON of different guys. And that "the other side is so much better". I don't need more information. No more snooping.
Same situation. Current lady is a real stunner. Actually we have been "together" for the past 3 years. But her friends boost her that she should continue to enjoy the thrill of the hunt.
Question now is what do I do with this information?
Some of the quotes in the messages to her friend are so outrageous. "He is coming back tomorrow, I'm annoyed :/", "I want to date 'movie star x' he has his life together, I want to [censored] him", she calls OM "boyfriend", "this starts to feel so real", "I want a baby with OM". "Me and H just talked again, same [censored] than 6 months ago, motherfucker, I'm over it", guess that's enough examples.
It's incredible how deep this is. Clearly influenced by her friend tho. Very disturbing. Not the person I know. Not the person her family knows her. Completely out of control. But I know she has a good heart. But she was such a good liar. She will find a way to "explain" and justify her actions. Wonder if she will break with family over that. Her dad is not going to pay a second marriage, that's for sure....I won't tell them now but I won't cover the truth, and I'm sure try want to know WHY. I'll be as loving and understanding as I can. My heart changed. I won't go to the dark side again...
Btw she actually wants to help me with my greencard. Only time when she is threatening with quick D is when we have discussions.
She also texted me earlier and said "I screwed this up, I want to do things right now" I was just "ok". She has no idea...
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
Question now is what do I do with this information?
Some of the quotes in the messages to her friend are so outrageous. "He is coming back tomorrow, I'm annoyed :/", "I want to date 'movie star x' he has his life together, I want to [censored] him", she calls OM "boyfriend", "this starts to feel so real", "I want a baby with OM". "Me and H just talked again, same [censored] than 6 months ago, motherfucker, I'm over it", guess that's enough examples.
It's incredible how deep this is. Clearly influenced by her friend tho. Very disturbing. Not the person I know. Not the person her family knows her. Completely out of control. But I know she has a good heart. But she was such a good liar. She will find a way to "explain" and justify her actions. Wonder if she will break with family over that. Her dad is not going to pay a second marriage, that's for sure....I won't tell them now but I won't cover the truth, and I'm sure try want to know WHY. I'll be as loving and understanding as I can. My heart changed. I won't go to the dark side again...
Btw she actually wants to help me with my greencard. Only time when she is threatening with quick D is when we have discussions.
She also texted me earlier and said "I screwed this up, I want to do things right now" I was just "ok". She has no idea...
You can help her to do right by pulling your emotional and financial support completely. LOL
My lady is also a master sweet talker, can explain anything. Is a master of fog navigation.
Question now is what do I do with this information?
Some of the quotes in the messages to her friend are so outrageous. "He is coming back tomorrow, I'm annoyed :/", "I want to date 'movie star x' he has his life together, I want to [censored] him", she calls OM "boyfriend", "this starts to feel so real", "I want a baby with OM". "Me and H just talked again, same [censored] than 6 months ago, motherfucker, I'm over it", guess that's enough examples.
Hey bro this is how it is. Many of the cheaters have devil's advocate's in their ears pushing hard. Basically telling them what to think. The cheater obviously wants their acceptance and to fit in with them.
Originally Posted By: Complex
It's incredible how deep this is. Clearly influenced by her friend tho. Very disturbing. Not the person I know. Not the person her family knows her. Completely out of control. But I know she has a good heart. But she was such a good liar. She will find a way to "explain" and justify her actions.
I'm glad you were able to determine this. Really you probably shouldn't be listening to what she says anymore when you realize how much she lies to you particularly.
Originally Posted By: Complex
Wonder if she will break with family over that. Her dad is not going to pay a second marriage, that's for sure....I won't tell them now but I won't cover the truth, and I'm sure try want to know WHY. I'll be as loving and understanding as I can. My heart changed. I won't go to the dark side again...
Btw she actually wants to help me with my greencard. Only time when she is threatening with quick D is when we have discussions.
She also texted me earlier and said "I screwed this up, I want to do things right now" I was just "ok". She has no idea...
