H's MLC #7 And the games continue

[2BHappy]

Yeah i agree.
I was in the mood but did not want a quicky...

But I see your point. Preview of upcoming attractions

[2BHappy]

DR book - each time I read it I learn or the light bulb goes off again.

I was reading the letters sent in, and it REALLY REALLY hit home about how when I with held sex for what ever reason how it really was affecting in a BIG negative way my M. I see my H in how he responds to everything when we were/are being initmate on a regular basis. I see how the difference in our sex drives affected our M. And add on my being a WAS for years= alot of damage.

Now Im not saying this is why my M is where it is now, but I know it did not help. I also dont know if this is affecting my H now and the way he "feels" about our M.

I just know this is something I have to work on..

I've heard everyone for years talk about how important sex is in a R. Even my Pastor speaks on intimacty and how important it is.

And I know my H always feels like it is very important.

But its like it just really really clicked in my brain.

WOW

My plan is to initiate more (which I had started to do, but then pulled back) and not just sex but touch, compliments etc to my H, just lil ones here and there and watch his response, if he shy away I will know its not time.

ALSO my Weight, in the DR book it mention how YES being attractive or not to your H/W can affect a M, I know my H has had issues with my weight over the years.

But that is something Im working on for ME, but another benefit is it could help my M.

I also can tell my H is having some issues maybe testerone is now lower and or the blood pressure meds or just getting older...but I think my compliments (instead of thinking them) could help if he is having some self esteem issues about the changes his body is going thru.

What are you thoughts on this? Please chime in..is this far off, and I thinking about this correctly?

[woundedfool]

DR book - each time I read it I learn or the light bulb goes off again.

Now, I hope you see why I am a huge advocate of constantly re-reading this!

I was reading the letters sent in, and it REALLY REALLY hit home about how when I with held sex for what ever reason how it really was affecting in a BIG negative way my M. I see my H in how he responds to everything when we were/are being initmate on a regular basis. I see how the difference in our sex drives affected our M. And add on my being a WAS for years= alot of damage.

I think that is a reasonable conclusion. I have no real advice/ideas to give, but I think its a start that you recognize it.

I also dont know if this is affecting my H now and the way he "feels" about our M.

It is probably playing a part, thats why consistent changes in "good" behaviors need to be long term changes.

But its like it just really really clicked in my brain.
WOW

YES! I had the exact same epiphany at a point in my situation. I described it as the old cartoon characters coming up with an idea (the animated light bulb in the thought cloud)

My plan is to initiate more (which I had started to do, but then pulled back) and not just sex but touch, compliments etc to my H, just lil ones here and there and watch his response, if he shy away I will know its not time.

Good, use this as a place to experiment and monitor.

I know my H has had issues with my weight over the years.

Don't overthink this, while it may be a small consideration of attraction, it is just that... very small

I also can tell my H is having some issues maybe testerone is now lower and or the blood pressure meds or just getting older...but I think my compliments (instead of thinking them) could help if he is having some self esteem issues about the changes his body is going thru.

Yea, I am not to that point in my life (yet). But don't let it be a barrier to intimacy.

What are you thoughts on this? Please chime in..is this far off, and I thinking about this correctly?

I think you are right on the money. But don't think of this as the issue, but it most likely plays a big part.

[2BHappy]

I just wanted to point out 1 thing DB AND lots of prayers has helped me with...

I use to love getting dressed up, and or making sure I looked my best when even just sitting around the house. But I allowed life and others needs to get in the way, putting everyone else first made me BITTER, ANGRY and probably not a person anyone would want to be around...

So when I started to GAL and taking care of me, I started caring about how I looked again. I got new PJ's and clothes, stop waiting to wear new clothes until I had someplace to go..etc Included getting my hair done in my budget (replace money wasted on fast foods)

Anyway loving myself, taking care of myself feels GREAT and this is something I will not stop doing and all started from DBing.

So just a reminder, even if M or R is not saved, Im a better person, smiling, handling situations better then ever.

Have a great weekend!!!

GAL like crazy!!!!

[2BHappy]

So it way past time to have our rings checked for ins purposes at the jewelry if checked every 6 months if we lose a diamond they replace repair for free plus they polish out scratches

so I was going to ask here if I should ask my H for the ring to get check or take from his hiding place get checked and put it back.

So the bag where he was hiding his ring was not in our closet so I checked his car trunk. The bag was there but could not find the ring.

also in the trunk was clothes from the dry
Cleaners along with an overnight bag that had towel washcloth and some pj pants. The other smaller bag had toiletries.

Interesting...

So the towel washcloth i can try to explain away when he is mandated to work OT he sometimes showers at work.

The Pj could be there from his last trip to his hometown.

But these could be items for meeting OW at a hotel.

There were also stuff from stores in bags for like car cleaning supplies, sweater with tags on it...and then a bunch of just junk.

So now thoughts of possible A or still same OW are in my head.

I know I snooped and this is not good but if something is going on I want to know. But I also know if my H is having an A it will come out eventually.

Do I just let the whole ring thing go, or ask him for ring to get checked or just take my ring in?

And do I just erase my mind from the items in trunk and stay on my path?

[job]

You could remind him about the ring insurance and just casually mention that you are taking your ring in for inspection. Then ask if he would like you take his. Sometimes, in order to get answers, you have go about asking in a different manner. Watch his body language when you mention that you are taking your ring in for inspection. That should tell you if he still has the ring or not.

As for the things in the trunk. I don't think I'd mention them. To him, it looks like you were snooping and didn't trust him. If you continue to sit quietly, the answers will come. They always tell on themselves at some point.

[mleigh4]

I can relate to coming across things and wondering what it is about. My H has bags of oddball stuff here and there. He has a blanket in his truck. I have seen a towel in there. I have seen other strange things in his room. At one point, I saw a cruise line brochure tucked under his bed with scissors. He had cut out the word epic....

I had to stop trying to make sense of this stuff because I believed my imagination was much much worse than the truth. Only because sometimes I have gotten the answers, and they were not what I was thinking. Plus, we all know most of what they do and say makes no sense. It's just the way it is.

I also believe the truth will come out, on its own.

[2BHappy]

Job
I reminded him about our ring ins, with a quick "its been a while since the rings have been checked so I'm taking mine today,,,do you want me to take yours...

I then left the room so quick I could not see his body language, and he did not verbally say anything.

Before he left for work we talked about our son, talked with our son, then about family members and s14 and I plans for the day.

I went upstairs to our room later and there on my side of the dresser was his ring box with ring inside. I was VERY surprised to see it just sitting there.

So I took both rings in to be inspected,,they are going to be all cleaned up, I will picked them back up in couple of weeks, they both did need a lil repair (so glad I took them in when I did),,,

I will let him know when they will be back and will leave on his side of the dresser.

For 1 quick second in the jewlery store I thought about trading them both in for me a bigger chocolate diamond for my RIGHT hand!


Meligh- my H hates to throw anything away (very poor as a child) and he often has stuff everywhere, and Yes some things I have imagined turned out to not be that at all.

I will not mention his bags or items in his trunk. I agree and know all things that happen will be known eventually.

[Karma12]

Lol my engagement ring is a Contemporary style. I wear it as a right hand ring now,

[2BHappy]

SOoo

Today Stepson and grandchild over,,

H has to leave for work, it was soooo weird as he tried to decied if he wanted to hug or kiss me before leaving..this was allllll becuase he was in front of his son, his son's girlfriend and grandchild. I almost LOL and just hurry and kissed him to get it over with since he seemed like he was worried how I would respond or maybe cause he did not really want to hug or kiss me but felt like it was the "right" thing to do in front of the kids.