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Joined: Mar 2003
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happy1 Offline OP
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I was versed in DB but have not needed it in many years.

Here is some info:
A few months back:
After months of him not saying much, and us having no sex (and me asking for it all the time) and me asking him for months what the problem is:
He says: "I have nothing, I only can control when I have to go to the bathroom and when we have sex."

So I did a 180 and started involving him more in decisions, etc. And it got better, according to him. We even had great sex. That was in October.


However, we have hit a real, real low today.
The summary is my husband and I had a small argument this morning that we agreed to talk more about tonight. Once we started talking, it turned into a BLOW OUT. The argument was all over the place and it raised to the point I hit him (I have never done that), called him names and then curled up in a ball and cried. Once I gathered myself, I sat down to talk to him and told him that I was very upset and that this was not the way I wanted this talk to go...that I had intended to start the conversation with I love you and I want to work at what ever the issue(s) are.

He goes on to tell me that he never wanted to be married, have a child, that he caved on everything, everything he has given, done for me he has not wanted: all was to make me happy. And to top it off that I do not care about him, think about him or even know how I make him feel or how I speak to him .

He went on to say "I have nothing am an idiot and a waste."

Then he said he was leaving and I told him he could not leave after dumping this on me. He just went off saying "f**c you, I can go where ever I want."

I just told him I love him and want to be married.

Then he left the house, crying.

This is such a bad time for us to be going thru this: I do not have a job right now and we have a 1 year old who is not sleeping, and a house under major repair: so the stress is high. It has been a rough couple of years as we also lost a child.

But honestly, I am not sure I want to stay married to him as this is a repeat cycle...but I do love him.

I am LOST and need some help from you all out there. HELP

-sleep deprived, sex deprived and spinning out of control

Joined: Nov 2009
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Looks like you have posted here for a long time.

Last thread from 2009
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...069#Post1880069

First thread 2003
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...0603#Post150603

Can you fill us in on the details of what happened during all this time.


Me-70, D37,S36
Joined: Nov 2009
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Actually looks like my question was answered on your other thread in newcomers

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...937#Post2521937


Me-70, D37,S36
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Originally Posted By: happy1
He goes on to tell me that he never wanted to be married, have a child, that he caved on everything, everything he has given, done for me he has not wanted: all was to make me happy..


Wow, how much of myself I see in this. Those are exactly the horrible words I constantly hurt my W with, and every day I hate myself for saying them. Sure, it was the truth--I never intended to be a parent nor believed in marriage--but perspectives change. In my case it took 5 years. Yes, I violated my core values. But after all the hardship and existential turmoil, I can now say I wouldn't change anything that happened except for my own negative reaction. People come around.


Me:31 W:31 D:6
T: 9/2001 M: 1/2009
W unhappy: 6/14
W moves to parents: 10/14
W wants D (angry): 12/14
W okay w/ S: 2/15
W wants D (calm): 2/15
W gets new job/place: 3/15
W admits PA, suggests MC: 8/15

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