GOOD! You let it go. B/C you realize it is no longer worth the time or effort. Her not following up on the commitment is a reflection on her. Honestly, there could be a million valid reasons why. None of which are of any concern to you. You need to focus and ownership of yourself and of your actions and of your Life.
On the LBH Thread, I got into a discussion back and forth with Starsky. I think it may be helpful for you. Greek (W) and Coach (H) were members here who had Divorced and Reconciled. I think every sentence will help me and could help you as well.
Originally Posted By: Starsky309
What Greek says Coach did to win her back:
I will tell you what Coach did to win me back - after I left our home and filed for D. He stopped doing all the other things that got me to the point of walking out of the door. He stopped trying to arrange my reactions. He stopped trying to control what I would think or do. He stopped telling me how I should feel. He stopped telling me what would happen if... He dropped the rope and said WITH HIS ACTIONS: "Greek, I can see that you are hell bent on leaving for reasons that you have made abundantly clear to me. Some of those reasons have merit and I will deal with them for my own sake. But I can't keep you here and I won't try. The action I will take is to work on areas in my life that have contributed to the difficulties in our R and other R in my life; I will begin to take care of myself in a way I have neglected for some time now (GAL); I will handle protect myself against the legal action you took against our M; I will conduct myself with strength and honor." This was and is totally attractive! It's strong. It's confident. It's respectful - both of me and of Coach.
It's not about 'doing nothing.' It's about doing what works - putting the ACTION in the right place.
Greek
I think it would be great for you to get out more with your friends. Pick up a hobby you always wanted to do but haven't, and to post more on other people's threads. Get involved in this community, and you will receive more attention and perspectives on your situation... hence promoting growth. I say all this b/c of your response previously...
Quote:
I don't post much, if at all, but I read many other threads. I feel, at this point, I am so confused I don't want to give someone the wrong advice. I love helping others. But, since I'm not doing so well at this, I'm usually not sure what to advise. I guess I can just offer words of encouragement. That never hurts.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Thank you for the support mahhhty! How are you doing today? What is the latest with your situation? I've missed you! The post you added from the LBH thread does seem like it could be helpful in my situation.
I suppose I could start by asking questions in other threads. That, many times for me, gets me to think about something I hadn't thought of before. I don't feel I'm ready to offer advice.
I used to play/coach ice hockey and I have started skating again. I also meet up with friends every two weeks or so. I am trying my best not to sit around the house and mope. I am still attending a divorce support group which seems helpful, and I've met a lot of nice people there.
Take care my friend!
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Skating, coaching and the divorce group sound great!
As for posting, I don't think you need to give advice, perhaps encouragement and forge some connections with people. I think its helpful. And I think you will be surprised it is a lot easier to think rationally and with a level head when it is about someone else's situation.
As for me... I am hanging in, I am better than I have been for some time. I'm doing a lot more of the things that appeal to me. My second thread in the newcomer section is about to end. 1st Thread: New England Newcomer 2nd Thread: So I am divorced
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Thank you for the encouragement I really appreciate it. As for the next part, I have been trying to get involved by at least giving encouragement to others. I made several posts to someone who's new one this board NLS.
I'm happy to hear that you're doing better and will read your threads when I have a chance. Just tonight Sandi mentioned in a posting to NLS that we are really on the board for the spouse Who has walked away or is thinking about it.
My thread has gotten kind of long but I'm going to see if I can create a link to it and maybe get on the newcomers board instead.
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I posted my thread from this forum to the newcomers forum.
That is where I will post from this point on.
Thank you.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Thanks Cadet! I just noticed you added this important information.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
