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Bob723 Offline OP
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mahhhty, I'm still trying to figure out of to use the Quote function. For example, grab just your quotes from the last posting. it seemed to take both mine and yours. LOL

GOOD! Keep doing these things. Get out of the house and Get A Life (GAL)! Be active in your environment and live every moment!

Me: Thank you!

You really need to read the LBH Thread, and study it. I don't fully understand from the text what she would like you to do. Can you elaborate?

Me: I will read both LBH threads. Thank you so much again for pointing her threads out. I am not fully sure myself. I will add on to the post later when I either get a reply from her or I'll give you my best guess. i do have some idea. I can see why you are not sure what she's asking.

You need to stop saying it. You need to act like you have seen the light and understand that leaving her and moving on is the only way. You have to stop being her safety net. She wanted freedom, that comes with a reality check, that she got rid of you. Again read the LBH thread and Sandi's thirty something rules.

Me: I agree! Stop saying "take care of yourself." I thought adding that once in a while would lighten the mood. I see where saying that lends itself to my W thinking that I still care deeply about her. That doesn't show I'm moving on. And I have to change my way of thinking. My therapist is working with me on that. Very good catch, my friend!

It does hurt. And it [censored]. She does want freedom, she is fueled by resentment, rebellion and disrespect. She resents you, doesn't respect you, and is in the middle of rebelling against you. <--All covered in the LBH thread. It is possible that she changes her mind. However, you can't bank on that. Nor can you continue to think the way you have been... "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." - ALBERT EINSTEIN

Me: Again, I agree! I can't presume that she will change her mind. I need to move on for my own mental health.

Yes you have the gift of time, which you need to take advantage of. Did she knowingly give you that gift, probably not. She is probably convinced she wants a D and therefore is doing this from a place of a wayward wife.

Me: We all can only guess, but most likely you are correct again. I just wondered if it's something others had heard before from their WAS.

Stop looking for validation from family members. Also do not try to win them over. They aren't in the relationship. As a father you need to reinforce their relationship with their mother. Take the high road here.

Me: Sorry, I guess I wasn't clear enough. These are my children from a previous marriage and it is unsolicited advice from them. They think I should give up on the marriage because they feel she took advantage of me. They do say they understand why I'd like to reconcile. So, I wasn't looking for validation from anyone, they offered their opinions on their own. wink

Wow, you are so wonderful to follow-up again with both your posts.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,686
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Bob723 Offline OP
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mahhhty,

I have read all of Sandi's LBH posts on both threads. Excellent posts by her and an excellent suggestion by you!

So, in your previous post, you asked if I could elaborate on this text from my W:
Listen, before this phone goes out, I don't want to leave things on bad terms. I would like to be on good terms after all this is over. If you can keep the townhouse, that would be great because then you could save the tree that has meant so much to both of us. I think we are both getting stressed out with this whole thing, I personally would like to get it all done as soon as possible. But the more paperwork, the longer and longer it streches out costing you more money! It's your choice. Take care of yourself as well, I hope you will have a good future.

My take on it is she wants to remain "friends" after our divorce is final. We have a townhouse. A few weeks ago the judge decided she would have 60%/40% equity in our home (we still have a mortgage). I believe my W brought up the point about our home because later she admitted, after I said I'd like her to have the home, that she couldn't afford to buy me out -- even at 40%. She has put so many personal touches on our home, e.g., painted clouds in our living room that look SO real and many other creative things like that. My belief is that she doesn't want to lose the house. My therapist, believes she'll want me back someday.

Who knows, right? So does anybody have any advice as to how I should reply to the part where she writes "I would like to be on good terms after all this is over."? Most posts here suggest saying "No thanks" to that. But please remember I'm still hopeful we can reconcile, but I realize more than ever how important it is for me to appear to have moved on and be a more confident guy.

I feel she's looking for a safety net -- me.

Thanks all!


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,686
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Bob723 Offline OP
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All:

I've decided I'm going to employ Michele's LRT.

Wish me luck!

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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What do you plan to do that is LRT?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
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Bob723 Offline OP
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Hi MrBond!

Thank you for asking. I am not going to contact my wife, or respond to any calls or texts for 30 days. The only exception would be if there was an emergency.

Take care.

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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That's not really theLRT. Did you reall read the books?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,686
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Bob723 Offline OP
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MrBond,

Yes, I did. I will go back to The Divorce Remedy and review.

Thank you very much for pointing that out. Many of the LRTs I can't do because she is living 3 1/2 hours away from me and we rarely speak. I thought if I didn't try to pursue her for about a month, she would take notice.

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
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How much 'living' have YOU been doing?


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,686
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Bob723 Offline OP
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MrBond,

Thank you again for taking the time to respond. I have to admit just about every day is so hard to get out of bed whether I have to go to work or have nothing special planned. But tonight, for example, I took my daughter out for her birthday (she's from my previous marriage) and we had a great time! On Saturday I visited my sister who I haven't seen since just before my wife walked out five months ago. I go to a divorce support group weekly, when I am up to it I take long walks and every couple weeks I get together with a few friends to watch a hockey or basketball game. It took me a while but I'm not just sitting around the house anymore feeling down.

As I was driving home tonight, my wife sent me a text indicating she was going to call me tomorrow so we can discuss our house. I did not reply to her text. This is how she has been treating me for most of the five months, so I'm not going to act anxious by replying.

At this point, i'm not even sure if I should take her call. I have a gut feeling that this one week of me not contacting her might be making her miss me a bit. Of course I don't want to be rude so I could use some direction here folks.

MrBond, mahhhty, anyone else have any ideas about what I should do tomorrow if she does call?

Thank you all.


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 1,686
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Bob723 Offline OP
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A very quick update:

My wife did not call last night, or even bother to text me to say something has come up and she won't be calling me. It's actually very sad for me to admit this, but she rarely follows thru on anything she says--especially in the +5 months she walked out on me and filed for the "Big D."

Could she be testing me to see if I wuld get upset? I think she may have been, but I'd like to hear others' thoughts. BTW, I did not try calling or texting her. I just "let it go."

Bob


Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS)
M:14 yrs
T:15 yrs
No children together--3 each from previous marriages
Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14
Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14
Divorce Final: 10/21/15
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