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Gwen, congratulations on the job!

Sorry you are having some tough times. I know how these feelings come and go. I’ve been at this for 2 ½ years. Not saying that it doesn’t get better. It does.

I came to a realization that H started his MLC a couple of years prior to DB too. There were all kinds of signs, I just didn’t know any better except to associate his behavior with the problems with his job and his father’s illness and death. Now I can see this more clearly.

Originally Posted By: 123Gwen
The way he is so detached from our children tells me that this is not about our M. It is sad.
This just made me realize that my H has been doing the same thing. He is not in contact with my son. Even though my son is not his biological child, but H raised him from when he was 8 years old. We were family. He told me that he loved my son. I constantly question whether H is in MLC or our M was so bad that he could not stand it any more. But, what about my son? BTW, my son didn’t reject H after what he did to me. He is open to communication. I’m sure he is hurt inside. After all, it is second time in his life when he was abandoned by a father figure. Good thing that the second time happened when he was already an adult. I’m sure he can handle things a lot better.

I’m not a water person either. It would be a miracle if I ever get on the surf board smile .

Hang in there, Gwen. Have a great weekend.


M:50
H:52
S28 (my S from previous marriage)
M:17 + 3
BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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lol, I

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Lol, the thought of all these ladies suddenly taking up surfing is amusing ;o)

Hope your going ok today Gwen.

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Gwen,

Congrats on your new job! When there's a will, there's a way.

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123Gwen Offline OP
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Thanks Wonka. I do believe in self reliance but I also believe in God helping pave the way. This was divine intervention.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Originally Posted By: 123Gwen
Thanks Wonka. I do believe in self reliance but I also believe in God helping pave the way. This was divine intervention.


Absolutely. Yep, totally believe that as well.

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Christmas week and I am dealing with this first one fairly well. I still cry most days but not for long. I have come to accept that feeling it is the only way to release it. Work is great. The people are wonderful and having this temporary job is the perfect segue to preparing for the permanent job in February.

The other night D16 had finals so I got her at noon and she studied in the break room until the last patient left. It took a while to get out so she missed dance. We had to get the car serviced before the long drive to my folks so we ran over for the last appointment.

It was dark and cold. We were tired and we ended up waiting in the customer lounge watching Wheel of Fortune. D snuggled up next to me on the couch and we laughed and played along. We were tired. I miss my H. I am scared. I am flat broke but I am still happy.

After we got home we opened some Christmas cards. One from an old friend who is in a similar sitch. D does not know this woman but she looked intently at the card while I recounted some highlights of our friendship. D looked again for a few minutes and said her kids look nice, like and us and they are doing fine. She walked over, gave me a big hug and went upstairs. It gave me goose bumps the way she said it.

We are surviving. I was scared we wouldn't be able to do that. It is becoming clear that we are actually starting to thrive too. Who would've thought that even possible?

I mean H just tossed us all aside to find out what makes him happy. He chose OW over his 25 year M and his family. Just like D19 said, "it is terrifying to find out the the person for whom you'd take a bullet is pulling the trigger."

On one hand I believe he is unwell and that his actions are skewed. I want to empathize and stand for my M and my H. In sickness and in health. That's what I promised before God and to the man I love. On the other hand giving this person any power over me is a form of self abuse. MLC is not a recognized condition though my counselor who's been in practice for 22 years believes in it and so does my lawyer. My lawyer believes it is a rebellion against everything and everyone.

So back to Christmas week. It is an emotional minefield. H didn't ask about seeing the girls though I told him we were going to our home state. H could have met us there. H could have stayed with his parents and seen the girls. H didn't offer. He thinks the girls hate him and he has no courage to face them. As time goes on he is escalating everything. The lawyers are ramping up because H won't make a reasonable offer. Again escalating things because he won't deal with anything.

I'd like 2015 to be a year of healing. I want to GAL and work and have some boundaries about our finances. I am not even addressing all those emotions under the surface. I want the time to get mad and hopefully to forgive. Right now I don't know if I can.

Back to this week. How do you navigate the first Christmas with a anisher? You can treat them like you are a widow cherishing their memories but I don't want to be bitter. I need to get through this holiday with grace.

Anyone with any advice?


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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123Gwen

Hang in there, keep moving forward that is all I can offer right now.

It's hard, very hard, but what can we do but move forward, keep living, keep praying.

I'm struggling myself right now, but hope I can still encourage you to keep on the path to moving forward.


Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015)
H 51 (ring off 7/2013)
M 2007 T 1996
S 14
July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son
Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
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Aww. I'm with you 123Gwen. This is such a difficult time. Im praying for you. You can do it! Romans 8:28....

I have my strong and weak moments too. We all miss the one who used to be here before MLC showed up.

What are these MLCers thinking?

You've done nothing wrong. You are a beautiful person who is richly blessed with family and friends. Focus (not on your husband) on you and your blessings.

May God grant you wisdom. You'll do great!

In His love

Vge1

Romans 8:28

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123Gwen Offline OP
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No contact at Christmas feels tragic. We leave tomorrow and H has not reached out to our daughters. I am so sad to think Christmas will be another "insert holiday here" text. I can't believe a year ago I have such sweet pictures of our family. H is leaning in towards me and embracing me with love. Is it an illusion? Did I imagine it?


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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