Daring, I’m glad that this part of the process is over, for now. I think this would be the most difficult part for me. You did great. It does seem like he is confused and thinks that the D will make him feel better. He will be surprised that this is not the case. Look at Mighty’s sitch and how the things turned around.
Don’t be discouraged. I have a lot of hope for you. Yes, there is still a lot of love there, you just need to be patient and let your H to figure himself out.
I can feel that hurt. Hang in there.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Georgiabelle- thanks- I sure hope I will be better!
Job- I'm glad too. He seems more worried that I'm going to change my mind about the agreement. I think my initial response freaked him out and his response demonstrated it's very important to him to move forward without negativity. I was very clear though- I told him I didn't trust him one bit right now and everything needs to be in writing and very clear. I hope he can become that man too- I'm a glass half full kind of person, sometimes to a fault- but there is still a lot of potential in him.
How do I feel- hmmmm. It's a mixture of relief, numbness, sadness, disbelief, and still with some hope but for a new chapter that may or may not include him.
I do need to take some me time for sure! Right now I am in the pedicure chair
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Bright I missed your post- thank you for the encouragement! This part is definitely hard- I wasn't sure if I could get through it and I had some angry moments. He would say " ok, what's inportant is we both go forth from this without resentment or anger as much as possible. Let's stop and regroup". You are stronger than you think you are Bright- we all are!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Classy and gracious are the top two words that come to mind. It's good to hear that in the end you are able to see the bigger picture. Not shutting the door completely but moving forward on your own is so much easier said than done. You are doing it and that is huge! I hope I can be you someday.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
123Gwen thank you for your words. I'm glad I can provide some inspiration as I'm not feeling very inspirational! It's still not what I want, but it's not my choice. So I'm trying to make the best of it. Today we all went to see S19's girlfriend in the Nutcracker. She is a ballet dancer and very talented. H drove and things were cordial. But I found myself being annoyed that I was around him. He wasn't doing anything at all I was just grumpy. I tried to keep it in check and make the best of it.
One other interesting tidbit- I think I mentioned on here that H's siblings and mom are renting cabins in NC right after Christmas for a family get together and ski trip. After some back and forth a few months ago H decided he wanted me to go. Well..... Now he's not going. Says he can't deal with his family. I asked if it was because he thought they were upset about our situation or if it was because he was trying to work through old wounds. He said " I don't know, I just can't deal With them right now, I have nothing left". So I am going with the 3 younger kids. I'm looking forward to it- I love all of them and they are excited to see me and kids too.
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
I agree w/FY....go and have some fun and leave your h at home spinning. It' his loss.
I think you've got a very good attitude about your situation and you are right...it's not what you want, but it's a choice he's made and you are making the best of it. Daring, you will be okay once things settle down. I know that right now w/your mom, the IRS hearing, the divorce papers and the holidays everything feels like it's piling up on you, but come January, things will settle down a bit and you'll feel a little better and you will find your footing once again.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job is always there with great advice. The new year does have a way of stabilizing one's foothold. Enjoy your holiday! It sounds as if you've got some great plans.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
I am obviously not getting any work done today but WTH.
I feel like my WAW wife wants me to play nice and carry on like it was before. She wants me to call her when I am sick, make pick up's and delivery's (kid things), just carry on like we are one big happy family.
Am I wrong for not wanting to play along? I am doing my best to ignore her and GAL without her. When she calls, o speak to the kids it's all happiness and light cheerios.
I can't even talk to her, I just give the phone to the S9 or D6 and let them talk. When we do pick up or drop off, I can barely look at her. Should I make an effort to talk to her when she calls? I honestly don't feel like it but is it in the best intersts of my kids? Am I short changing them if I cut my WAW out like a cancer?
I tell you, it hurts my friends. I seriously don't think I will ever get over being betrayed like this. If I only knew this is what marriage was, I would not have done it. Seriously blows. I will STFU now.
I tell you, it hurts my friends. I seriously don't think I will ever get over being betrayed like this. If I only knew this is what marriage was, I would not have done it. Seriously blows. I will STFU now.
((((NAJ1964))))
first up, we know we really do. over the last few months i've felt a level of emptiness and pain that i didnt even know existed. I've always been someone who cant focus but right now i cant think of anything else. So I/we understand your pain - I wish i could make it go away for you
Yes, you will get over the betrayal beacuse you'll decide you will and because not do so is going to keep you in your pain. people overcome pretty much anything they jsut have to decided thats what they are going to do and then put in the hard graft to make it happen. Not easy, not quick but worth it
This isnt what marriage is.
this is what betrayal and hurt and heartbreak is. Marriage is two people who love each other, who want to share their lives with each other, who make each other happy and work together to overcome lifes obstacles and challenges. Marriage is what you get when both people make their promises to each other, work at those promises and always honour those promises - when both people do that marriage is a beautiful and amazing thing, but its also a big risk and both people need to take that risk together in order to make it succeed. If you dont take the risk you'll never experience the joy. Me, I hate this, but it makes me value real marriage more than i ever realised.
You'll be ok, and when you dont feel it act like it anyway
((((NAJ1964))))
On the more practical side I think there is definitely some scope for defining your boundaries but there are people way wiser than I on that one
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
