I'm terribly sorry you find yourself here. You've received some great advice. It is such a crazy time of year and I can only imagine the stress compounded by health concerns. I do hope you get good results from your testing.
I am not religious, however I am spiritual. I commend and admire your faith and encourage you to protect yourself and children. Your h may not have liked your attorney's response , however D is a business transaction. Doesn't sound very romantic does it? Sorry to frame it that way although that's what it is.
That being said, make changes for you. We all have things we need improve upon that can help us with ALL Rs in our lives- whether it's with spouses, friends, family, or work Rs. Please don't allow this time to pass without looking at your own behaviors and hopes. It can be difficult (said woman jumping up and down and flapping her arms!!:)
I caution you to involve your children too much in questioning your h's decision. Your kids will figure it out. My kids are in therapy ( please don't be discouraged by that) and we had a breakthrough today after 10 months. Let him navigate his R with the kids.
You asked what 6 months out looks like? I'm at a year and I will give you the most candid response I can. The last year has been the most challenging of my life and it may have been the best. I laughed more than ever and cried some as well (rare for me). However, I'm blessed with 3 wonderful kids, great friends and fantastic family (I'm super close to xh's parents). I suppose there is much truth to that adage that life is what you make it.
Hang in there and take care of yourself :-)
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 12/17/1402:11 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Thanks for the advice Georgiabelle. I am focused on me and my children and our relationship with God.
So now my husband seems concerned about my health. He called today to ask how I was. He genuinely seemed concerned.
I told him my bone biopsy is tomorrow and he said that everyone is praying for me. I said, I appreciate that because prayers are definitely appreciated. He said to let him know if I need anything.
He went out with our children yesterday and they even noticed that he seemed more himself. My husband noticed too that all our children were nice and talkative and even laughed. It made him loosen up and just be with them.
I'm glad they all had a good time but I still want our children to attend some kind of counseling.
I pray for my health to be okay and pray my DH reconsiders the D.
Thanks to y'all, I have a place where all of y'all can relate to this sickening roller coaster ride. Y'all are so amazing.
I have been travelling so just caught up with your sitch. Good Luck with your biop, rest up plenty afterwards - its not the most comfortable of procedures ... When do you get the result?
You and your h have a lot of history together and you are the mother of his children so its only natural that he cares about you - but sadly I feel its only about you as a person and a friend at this stage.
I know how easy it is to start analyzing conversations and hang onto every word; we are looking for any little glimmer of hope. I am guilty of this and it is really hard to not do it. Try not to read anything into what he says or does ... keep expectations at zero - which I know is easier said than done.
You are doing so well, especially under the circumstances with your health. I hope it comes back good news and 2015 is the start of a wonderful new chapter for you.
Thanks LouR. I pray for healing but ultimately God is in control. I give it all to the Lord.
Yes, I believe my husband does care for me as a person but I hurt that it really isn't more than that. Believe nothing what he says and half of what he does. Wah!
I'm really looking at my future as one with just my children and me as a family and my husband on the outside. So sad.
I pray for you to LouR - you have great words of encouragement. Thank you. Keep y'all posted.
My SIL just came by to drop off some flowers since I had the biopsy yesterday - kinda sore.
Anyway, we talked for a while - random life stuff and about my cancer. Then she mentioned that she thinks my DH is still seeing that OW that was at his confirmation. I asked her why would she think that..well, turns out that he had "invited" the OW to our family tradition of attending a small town Christmas parade. Our children had been invited by my FIL but they didn't want to go. Thank Goodness!! I wonder if the OW would have been there had our children been there?!
My SIL was very upset and expressed her disapproval about this OW "friend" to my MIL. My MIL said that she didn't know that the other "friend" would be there.
My MIL keeps defending her son (my DH) that she told my SIL that she was being judgmental and it's just a friend.
I didn't know. I guessed and assumed but didn't know this OW was still in the picture. My SIL thought I knew that the OW was at the parade but I told her I didn't and I appreciate that she mentioned this to me.
I am hurt again. My SIL is as confused as I am. She doesn't recognize her brother. Nor do I. What's he thinking? Is he trying to rush the D cuz this OW is waiting? What a powerful woman.
I don't know what to feel or believe. He just mentioned that there isn't anyone else though I really can't say for sure.
I know I need to focus on my health but these emotions are constantly in my face.
Lord help me! Where is my husband - the one I fell in love with? Praying so much for wisdom and healing!
Hi vge, First, I'm praying your biopsy comes back neg. Not a good thing to have to go through any time, especially now.
Your convo with your H is very familiar. I had some just like that. He is all over the map but keep this in mind....he WILL lie, especially about things that put him in a bad light, like OW. To me the most dangerous part is I really think my W has started to believe her own lies. She lies about the past and convinces herself it's the truth, lies about what she said or did or didn't do. In my case my W has gone back 15-20 years to dredge up past hard times, seems fixated on them like they happened yesterday and ignores things that happened not long ago. I think it's a defense mechanism. They care about us as people, people that they shared a lifetime with but they also need someone to blame for their pain. My W says the most awful things, spews at me and then at the end of the convo says "I DO want you to be happy". It makes no sense to those of us who are thinking rationally. They are NOT thinking rationally.
The boundary with OW around the kids will be hard considering he isn't even willing to admit she is part of his life with you. All I can see happening is him saying there is no problem since there isn't OW even if there is. He may rationalize she isn't truly an OW if they aren't sleeping together....who knows what is going on in his head. You may not be able to stop him from having his "friend" around them. Unfair and wrong I know but you need to prepare yourself. In the end we can try to set what seem as reasonable boundaries but we really can't control what the MLCer does in the end.
The only person who you can control is YOU. Expect and prepare for the worst. Prepare in your own mind how you will handle things if H does have her around the kids. How will you react, how will you answer any questions they may have regarding her and their father. IMO that is the best you can do. I wish I had more or better advice. Good luck vge, you are in my prayers!
Thanks for your prayers Matt165. I pray for healing on all levels. Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. These are rough waters so i know i should be holding onto The Rock.
I know i really can't control my husband but it saddens me that he's so blatant and ready to jump to the next level when he hasn't left this level. No regard for our children and how they feel.
They are quite upset because yesterday he took our youngest child to a Christmas party at a co-workers home then he took our child to the OW's hm.
Our child said daddy and the lady holding hands outside as they walked into the woods in her backyard "to go see the deer." late at night?? Anyway, when our other children found out, they all don't want to see daddy at Christmas. How do I respond to that??
I pray for you too Matt165. I appreciate the words of encouragement and especially the prayers. only God can heal us so we must trust Him.
Be sure to keep notes about each incident. Only facts, dates and times. It will help when you talk with your attorney. It may not be needed but you will regret it if you are asked about specific events and can't provide the answers. This also keeps your head clear about what is really going on.
Please be vigilant about things right now VGE. Observe, document and the. This is the important part....let it go. Matt is right. Job is right. Wonka is right. Lou is right. ----- you must focus on yourself and your children. Pray for H each day but then give ah up to God. This is crucial. This is not an option.
Take care of you VGE. Right now H is not your friend. Sorry to sound so preachy but you MUST do this so you are strong for the new year. Please, please don't lose focus. Your H is only trying to get what he wants right now and he will continue to zig and zag all over this place. He is incapable of being consistent about anything.
Sending you good thoughts and prayers. Take care of you VGE.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Vge1 - I know its really hard when it comes to the OW and your children - I have tried hard not influence my sx2 in what they think or feel about her or them as a couple - they need to make their own minds up.
I would try (and I know its really difficult) to sit on the fence when they ask questions about her - otherwise you are putting your children in the middle of a battle that is not theirs to fight.
Vge1 I really know how you feel - I am in inner turmoil myself that my sx2 are spending Christmas Day with my h and OW, it really grates on me that he can be so insensitive for our first christmas apart - but at the end of the day, I have no control over what he does with them and who he spends time with, so I need to suck it up and get on with it.
When do you get your biop results? I do hope you are recovering well. You are doing really well - stay focused on you, you deserve better.
