RD. I know exactly how you feel regarding the special bond. I can't imagine finding anyone as amazing or special as my wife or that I would have such a great spark with and we were only together 6 years.
Its heartbreaking it really is and we should let ourselves feel that, but at the same time we shouldnt let it stop us making the best we can of our lives.
Another TED Talk recommendation 'The person you need to marry by Tracy McMillan'
Besides you being the best version of you is the best way to change her mind. your all the great things you were when you met but now you have matured like a fine wine with finest vintage still to come. You have grown as a person and noone else is going to come close in wanting to care for the children you had together. You're RD500 now, when she met you were RD200 and that model had far less features
maybe took that too far
And i noticed you still havent answered my question.
do we have to get some aussies on board with this so you can be asked 24hrs a day?
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Thanks Rppl. I'm not sure At the moment I have a bad cold and don't feel like doing anything. Myself and kids just had fish and chips and we are now watching Misson Impossible. I intended to crash out on sofa. W was here and did offer to get chips but I went for them. Take care. Rd
Your really need to get to those questions and start some soul searching to answer them.
There is a reason some folks ask questions, they want you to think, and when you think you can find solutions right there inside your brain.
It socks, hurts and make you feel like crap, but you need to find the strength you have no idea is there inside you and start picking yourself up. That's the only way you have a chance that she will maybe look at this situation a little different and in the same time you will be helping yourself.
You have your kids, all what's is going on is not their fault, so if you can't be strong for yourself, start being strong for your kids, even if it does not feel like it, fake it and you will believe it.
Hope you feel better tomorrow. It's a hard time with the Holidays around the corner. Take care.
Thanks pink. You are very kind. I think I will have to set boundaries and my W feels free to text and call me when ever. She text this morning at 8.3am to see how I was and when I didn't answer she called 20 mins later saying she was worried because I had t answered text. She text last saying to call her if I needed help and sorry she could not help today as she was at work. My W caries on as if we are just taking a break and not separated , even though she does not want M. I think this is why I struggle with my feelings for her , not the love but the hope
I have detached and as I said she is aware of this
GAL is next
Sorry for the last few posts but I'm just down My daughters constantly cuddle me and D13 was at a sleep over Friday night and text me 10 times , W called me to see if I had heard anything and when I told her she went mad saying it was not fair.
You know Rd, my H was doing this. He would text me stupid things and call me for more stupid things. He was acting like we were not S.
At some point he said that he was afraid I was too lonely and because he cares for me so much, he was always worry about me.
I heard that two times and at the third time I told him straight that I had asked him for time and space so I would be able to pick up my pieces and move on.
I told him I didn't call, text or asked him for anything, I was not in his way and didn't trouble him in any way. I told him I was sorry that he felt so worry and was feeling so much responsibility for me, but I would do my best to move on and have a life and not bother him.
I told him that I want him to be happy and if that I understood he needs to move on with his life to achieve that, so be it, go in peace and have your life. I will deal with my side and I will be OK.
I think he didn't like much to hear that, he wants to be super buds, friends for life kind of thing. But the reality is that I do not ask him for anything and he was always in the picture. He backed up a little bit more, and it felt good for me, I am able to breath a little more and find out that life is not so bad without him.
I have mixed feelings for him right now, but if he is not always calling or texting, or coming to the house, I think will be easier to just let go.
Sometimes it is not easy to set boundaries, but it is necessary for our own psychological health.
Good luck setting your boundaries, she needs a reality check.
Thanks Pink. I know we can't just remove them from our lives but i think it makes moving on more difficult My W s OM has not been admitted to and she is dreading her old friends finding out she has left because she has a brother who s engaged to a women who left her kids and my W always had no time for her. Even the day she left she said she could not understand or believe what she was doing to the kids.
IMy W seems to be a classic MLC and I know there is nothing I can do about it I am sitting here with my two Ds watching James Bond and I do realise how lucky I am The boundary thing is something my life coach does not want me to do because she has met W for 4 sessions and believes W about OM is only a good friend
GAl plans will be hard because I am a home bird but I will see what I can come up with
Hi rd! Sorry, you've been feeling down. There's nothing wrong with grieving for something you've lost. Twenty-five years is a long time. At some point, though, you'll need to turn towards the next 25 years. You and I are not babies, but we do have a lot of good years left. What are you going to do with the next 25 years, rd? Hard to think about, isn't it? But imagine it, just for a few minutes. Do you feel a little stirring of something good? It's there.
I think Pink is right, you probably need to set some boundaries with W. She clearly still has the ability to yank your chain, and she seems to enjoy it. So consider what would be a reasonable boundary for you. There's a lot of gold on other threads if you have time to read.
Above all, be gentle with yourself. You have a cold, it's the holidays, be nice to rd.
The boundary thing is something my life coach does not want me to do because she has met W for 4 sessions and believes W about OM is only a good friend
rd, why does this make a difference? A boundary is not to punish your W, so I don't see why the nature of the OM matters. I'm curious how your life coach explained this.
